Mom Groups Are The WORST!
Written By: Judy Laut
Mom groups on Facebook are the absolute worst. I envy anyone that’s never experienced such horror. They’re like a bad car wreck, you know that you shouldn’t look as you drive by… but you always do.
I’m assuming that Facebook mom groups were created and became so popular because they created a sense of community for woman in similar situations. One of the first “mom groups” so to say showed encouraging results. “Dunham and colleagues (1998) found a significant relationship between consistency of participation in the bulletin board and decreases in parenting stress. They also found that the young mothers who accessed the bulletin board frequently were more likely to develop a stronger sense of belonging to a community. Given that young mothers often report high levels of stress and a sense of isolation, these results are encouraging.” (Gruman, 2016) If only Gruman could imagine the insanity that would ensue due to the popularity of mom groups, the strong, differing opinions of its members, and the conception of the “keyboard warrior”.
In theory the idea of a mom group seems amazing. If you have questions about your child’s rash, need a pediatrician recommendation, need to vent about your husband, or just want someone relate to the fact that you haven’t showered in 3 days – turn to the mom group, they’ll understand and empathize! The only issue is that these groups have become so overwhelmingly popular. Groups that may have been beneficial with a few hundred members have grown in size to hundreds of thousands. All of these differing opinions, all of the “keyboard warriors”, all of the bickering, and misinformation – it’s become a huge source of stress for many woman to the point that It’s no longer a beneficial community but a free-for-all. These mega mom groups are a definite source of stimulus overload. “Stimulus overload is a concept that describes a condition in which our nervous systems are overwhelmed to the point that we cannot simultaneously respond to everything in the environment (e.g., traffic, crowds), so we adapt by setting priorities and selecting where we focus our attention. Much of this adaptation involves psychologically retreating so that we cut down (perhaps unconsciously) on responding to all the things that demand our attention.” (Gruman, 2016)
These mega mom groups have different cliques, similar to those you would see in a high school setting (think – jocks, stoners, preps, goths, etc.) except in the mom groups there’s – the super organized moms, the anti vaxers, the hippie moms, the hot messes, the bullies, the religious moms, montessori moms, etc. and all these cliques stick together because of their compatibility and anyone that doesn’t agree with them gets attacked by the entire clique… usually until an admin. steps in (think of the admins like the HS kids in student council). These cliques would be great on their own but having them all as members of one huge mega group negates its purpose.
Mom groups – great in theory and probably awesome in 1998… but in 2020 – THEY”RE THE WORST!
References
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., & Coutts, L. M. (Eds.). (2016). Applied social psychology : Understanding and addressing social and practical problems. Retrieved from https://ebookcentral.proquest.com
I enjoyed reading about the topic of “Mom Groups” and agree that there are many issues with current day groups like this. From issues of misinformation (the spreading of anti-vaccine sentiment and “facts”) to issues of parental bullying (either towards other parents or their children) can propose many modern issues to combat. The point you made about the size of these groups being an issue, both in the massive amount of groups available as well as the clique-like groups forming, will likely contribute towards solving these issues. Perhaps smaller groups that are not divided by clique or niche social bonds may help aid this issue?
The potential of creating smaller groups while not having them be exclusive and exclusionary seems like a big task, but also seems like it would have a major effect on mom groups becoming toxic or spreading false information.
Jade,
I haven’t been a part of any mom groups regardless of size that I’ve found beneficial. I am a member of other groups that I’ve never seen any issues with and that I’ve enjoyed being a part of (some that are significantly larger than the mom groups) I think the difference is – the groups that I enjoy are all 3d printer, mid-century modern, or meme related… I feel like no one is a passionate about those things as they are their children. In the mom groups you have these sub-groups of super passionate people with unrelenting mindsets… arguments are unavoidable.
I really enjoyed reading your post. I am not apart of groups like this, but I can imagine the overload of differences in a group with that many people. I sometimes see posts from friends who are asking advice on a certain parenting issue and I see a lot of comments that differ. Were you apart of any smaller groups, were they helpful or just as bad? I like that you put that they are a good idea in theory because they are. I think that maybe if they were smaller groups and monitored maybe there would be more success with them. Thank you for sharing.