People would like to believe that they are not shallow and that “personality” is the most important part in a relationship and looks are just a plus. Of course, personality is important when looking for a significant other, and the compatibility has to be there in order to feel the connection. As much as we don’t want to admit it, all of us have some shallowness in us that causes us to view looks as an important quality when choosing a mate.
Physical Attractiveness does matter and attractive people are pleasing to look at, but looks go beyond just finding a person attractive. There are other things looks are associated with such as good looks representing good things about a person (Gruman et al, 2017). Is this true? That is debatable because there are plenty of people who are good looking in this world who have the worst personalities, but people may automatically think that if a person looks good than they must have good qualities. People are attractive to looks for other reasons than just the physical appearance.
Looks can identify with Sexual Attraction as well. Looks are not based off of sexual attraction solely, but that is where it begins, and finding someone physical attractive is not the only reason they are eventually attracted to them sexually, but initial attraction based on their appearance is evident (Smith, 2018). Clearly, most relationships start out by face-to-face relationships or online relationships where you see a person first in person or a picture on the computer before you get to know them. Therefore, it may be safe to say that all relationships start out based on looks.
Another way to look at looks is that physical attractiveness serves as a gateway to something more important. Physical attractiveness could serve as a gatekeeper that directs people towards partners who are healthy, age appropriate, and able to reproduce (Fugere, 2017). Again, it leads us to believe that the first thing that is noticed is physical attractiveness, but not just for the look portion in a mate, but underlying characteristics that could be important for a productive overall relationship. Research indicates that when people make real-life dating and mating decisions, physical appearance dominates and relationships that are pursued the most are with those who are attractive (Fugere, 2017).
Although at times on the other end of the spectrum, sometimes looks do not matter to people, including ourselves as much as we may think it does. It is possible that we are not always consciously aware the importance of physical attractiveness, but it could be that people do not necessarily want partners who are extremely attractive, just attractive enough (Fugere, 2017). The sad reality is that this statement may be true. Not everyone in the world is going to be 100% physically fit or drop dead gorgeous. Majority of the world is average and we may look at someone and think they have good looks, but as we get to know their personality and their characteristics as a person, it may boost up their looks tremendously. What is considered to be moderately attractive varies from person to person (Fugere, 2017). Not everyone has the same taste in significant others. That is what makes us all unique and different.
Overall, all the evidence leads to looks being a major factor or at least a contributing factor in a relationship. We want to feel that attraction to the person we are in a relationship with and that usually starts with that first glimpse at that picture on a dating website or first look at the bar when you notice them from a distance. It is important to remember that other personality factors do play an important role in relationships, but those are the building blocks to a relationship, not the initial beginning that starts with a look.
References
Fugère, M. A. (2017, January 5). Why Physical Attraction Matters, and When It Might Not. Retrieved from https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/dating-and-mating/201701/why-physical-attraction-matters-and-when-it-might-not
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., and Coutts, L. M. (Eds.) (2017). Applied Social Psychology: Understanding and Addressing Social and Practical Problems (3rd ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Smith, K. (2018, December 8). 4 Reasons Why Appearance Matters in Relationships. Retrieved from https://psychcentral.com/blog/4-reasons-why-appearance-matters-in-relationships/
I really liked reading your blog post on attractiveness. The information you present here is quite interesting, especially because some of it relates to what I am also learning in the relationship psychology course I’m taking. Though I probably wouldn’t be able to describe the exact concepts well, many of the things you discuss here relate to the earlier units I learned involving attraction.