Birds of a Feather Flock Together and Opposites Attract …At least in My Marriage
Written By: Judy Laut
My husband and I are that annoying couple that got together in high school and never looked back. This November will be 15 years that we’ve been together…. which is pretty crazy to think about, I’m 30… I’ve been with this man half of my life. We’ve grown up together and I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. That being said we are so, so different, like fundamentally different…. but somehow we’re the same.
My husband and I “flock together” and are the same in our belief that it’s important to accept and appreciate that everyone has a difference of thought even if we don’t agree with it. I can’t imagine spending my life with someone that agreed with me about everything all the time; conversations would be yawn-inducing, I can’t imagine the monotony of going through life like that.
Even though my husband and I agree on that, we couldn’t be more different in so many other ways. One might say that our relationship has been so successful because “opposites attract” or maybe it’s because we’re equally intrigued by our differences. I’m religious, in the sense that I don’t believe that a gazillion coincidences took place in order for the earth to form. I believe whole-heartedly that a greater power played a part… if you want to call that greater power God or you think that we are just living in a simulation and the greater power is the programmer… I don’t care, either way, I believe it exists. My husband on the other hand describes himself as an atheist. He believes that the earth was completely formed by chance and eats up anything that Neil Degrasse Tyson or Matt Dillahunty can through his way (I can’t stand Matt Dillahunty by the way, his arguments and demeanor literally make me cringe). I believe in solipsism, my husband believes in realism. I’m not convinced that I’m not just a brain in a vat yet my husband “knows” that he is not. He’s an introvert, I’m an extrovert. He loves working out, I hate it. I’m close with my family, he’s not.
On so many fundamental levels we are complete opposites – our beliefs, our interests, our faith, our families, our personalities. But still, we love each other. We balance each other out. And I love all of our debates over life, religion, morality, and everything else. Our differences in thought have kept our relationship and conversations interesting. Even though we are so different, familiarity may have brought and kept us together. Growing up my husband was friends with my older brother, so he was always hanging out at my house, at the same parties, and they were in a band together so anytime I would go to see one of my brother’s shows, my husband was there. “… mere exposure increases another’s familiarity , a quality most people find reassuring and pleasant. Familiar faces are comforting; familiar people seem predictable, even after only superficial contact.” (Gruman, 2016)
We may be an oxymoron or an exception to the rule, but in my marriage “Birds of a feather flock together” and “opposites attract” simultaneously ring-true.
References
Gruman, J. A., Schneider, F. W., & Coutts, L. M. (Eds.). (2016). Applied social psychology : Understanding and addressing social and practical problems. Retrieved from https://ebookcentral.proquest.com
Hello! Great post. I agree that any relationship can work even if you have opposing views on things. Opposing views do not have to be a problem if the couple deeply respects one another and does not begin holding the other in contempt and thinking they are better, smarter, etc. The main issue that can occur is if children are in the relationship and no one can agree on from what perspective to raise them. That can cause serious issues, but as long as these things are discussed beforehand many things can be avoided.