Sometimes you have to be selfish. It’s a simple fact. People seem to really hate that word, ‘selfish’, but I don’t mean it in the way that you’re probably used to hearing it.

When I say you need to be selfish, I don’t mean just throw all concern for others out the window. In fact, I definitely do not mean anything close to that. However this message is to all the people I know (and don’t know) that never put themselves first.

For almost my entire life, I have been very introverted, and because of that, I avoided conflict at all costs. For some reason, I had it in my mind that disappointing someone by putting my own life and feelings first was the worst thing I could do. So there I was, always kind of just..there, but never really pushing myself out of my comfort zone or challenging anything.

I always thought that if I put myself first, people would hate me because I was selfish and didn’t care about anyone but myself and my personal agenda. I soon realized that the way I was thinking was so narrow-minded and that I needed to really rethink my perception of the word.

So I redefined the word for myself. Right then and there. I decided that sometimes, I had to put myself first. I had to be selfish. According to Google, selfish means “lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure.” That definition just sounded so harsh and inconsiderate, but this is the definition I have come up with for myself:

SELFISH / selfiSH / (adjective) = considering one’s personal concerns, in conjunction with others’; putting one’s own self before others, when necessary.

Of course, I am not saying completely disregard anything that doesn’t benefit you in some way. I think one of the most important qualities a person can have is, in fact, selflessness, however, to a point. We need to know how to step back and realize when it’s time for ourselves. I have met so many people who have done things that made them absolutely miserable, just because they didn’t want to disappoint someone, when in fact if they hadn’t done it, the other person would have gotten over it and they would have been happier had they not done it. This is so sad, because it held them back from experiencing something that could have brought them immense joy and happiness.

Not only will putting yourself first improve your happiness, it has also been proven to improve your confidence. So maybe that is one of the reasons I’ve been able to overcome my introverted-ness just a little bit.

Now the last-and sometimes hardest-part of putting yourself first, is cutting out toxic people from your life. It’s so hard, especially when you’ve known someone for so long and you feel like you just aren’t allowed to cut them out of your life, but it’s necessary. So much of your happiness comes from the people you surround yourself with and if you surround yourself with negative people or people who put you down, it’s not helping you in any way. In fact, its hurting you.

If cutting that toxic friend out of your life completely is too scary or harsh for you, start small. Maybe limit yourself to just a few times a month when you see them, that way you aren’t totally ditching them, but they also aren’t affecting your mood on a daily basis.

Yeah, it might sound harsh to say that sometimes you have to disappoint people or cut people out of your life, but it’s the truth. It will help you reach that happy place that you strive to reach.

So with all of that said, yes, sometimes you just gotta be selfish.