Life is short. That is a worldwide known fact. But, nobody ever gets the chance to realize exactly how short life is. Not until it is too late.
On May 18, 2020, I got to experience first hand just how short life could be. I was 16 years old and I had Leukemia. As I laid in the hospital bed, absorbing the information that I had just received, many thoughts went through my head. “I should’ve done this.” “I should’ve said this.” “I should’ve went here.” It was then that I realized that it was now too late. The time had passed, and I could no longer change what I did in the past. There was nothing that I can do to alter what I did or didn’t do.
Spending those six months laying in a hospital bed with nothing else to do but think, I realized how lamely I had been living my life. I said “no” a lot and I no longer wanted to do that anymore. I decided to make a change. I have always known that life is too short. It was something that had been swimming around in the back of my mind for as long as I could remember. However, it is also something that I never really had too much thought about until 2020.
I was lucky enough to be able to not only experience first hand how short life was, but to do something to change it as well. It was in 2020 that I truly decided to live my life to the fullest extent that I possibly could. I was no longer saying no, or thinking about things as much as I previously would. Instead I adapted a “go, go, go” attitude. I said yes, and I did what I wanted and said what I wanted. I stopped keeping silly secrets like when I had a crush on someone or when someone had upset me.
Before I would describe myself as a homebody, but now that I’ve experienced life being short, I go out and hang out with my friends as much as I possibly can. I smile and laugh a lot more, and I have stopped being so shy, and not speaking out and trying to make friends in fear of rejection. I will still always be an introvert at heart, but now I work towards putting myself out there more.
I believe in the phrase that life is short. But I also believe that we can change that. We can do something and work towards changing our lives for the better. I believe in living life to the fullest. I believe in having fun. I believe that life is short, but I also believe that if you make the most of it, then it is long enough.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The central conflict is the moment of diagnosis, a very impactful and emotional moment of impact for both you as the speaker and the audience. I honestly don’t think that moment could have generated more empathy.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
I liked your style and this story is plenty engaging. The only comment I have here would maybe be to use more sensory words when describing your new attitude. Describe a specific moment with your friends or the feelings of telling a crush you like them.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
I think you did really well in this category. Your story didn’t need a lot of characters because you made the diagnosis itself one and talked about exploring that relationship, Great Job!
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
This story absolutely matched the belief. It was told in a very impactful way that flowed really nicely.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete
My only real comments on this would be to do a syntax and grammar check. I think you could reword/combine the sentences in our first paragraph and find new ways to describe things in an interesting way. For example, you use “2020” twice within 3 sentences, just find something else to replace one of them with.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The central conflict is feeling helpless to the shortness of life/ wishing you had done things differently. This seems to be a cause and effect structure, as being diagnosed serves as a catalyst for reflection on the shortness of life. In terms of enhancing the arrangement, the only suggestion I have would be to work on transitions between paragraphs.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
I definitely think that adding some sensory details about the hospital and what you did following in order to live life to the fullest.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
You did a really good job of describing your mindset change, but I think you could further it with more details about what you felt that caused it and work on being audience oriented as well.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion.Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
The belief matched up really well with the story, the coherence and fidelity was good although if you’re comfortable you may want to describe more of your experience to help the audience really understand the mindset change.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
Again, if you’re comfortable adding more explanation / detail about your experience I think it could really add to the belief story.