Wouldn’t it be great to just have whatever you want? You could win 14 gold medals at your own Olympics, win 4 globes in your own movie awards, keep Bin Laden in your basement. The list of possibilities is endless! I mean seriously, can you think of anything better than being able to execute anyone who happens to correct you or get in your way?

Well for this character, the image of a perfect world involves the destruction of Israel, the downfall of democracy, and a variety of hurtful jokes. What could be better than that?? Oh! I know!! Trying to fit in a round of kill confirmed before your next class. Now that’s what I call ClAsSy!

 

Have you ever taken the time to indulge yourself with the pure amazingness that is the Dictator? You may be surprised that the movie is just under 100 minutes and has a plethora of insane jokes and bombs to fill your time with the most memorable visions. Besides, you won’t even be able to stop the movie once it gets rolling because Admiral-General-Aladeen just changed more than 300 words to Aladeen! Good luck next time you go to the doctor and you find out you are HIV Aladeen!

Obviously with a movie as messed up and beautiful as this, the cast must consist of only the most remarkable actors and actresses and by that of course I mean you probably have never heard of any of them! Let’s see, who do we got here… well there’s Sacha Cohen, Anna Faris, Ben Kingsley, and of course Jason Mantzoukas (try saying that 10 times fast). And remember if you are Jewish you cannot watch this movie, Wadiya is trying to eliminate Israel after all and having to scream mazel tov will just get in the way. In fact, if you are anything but American you are not eligible for this movie. As Aladeen’s hired American guard announces early on in this adventure, “You’re all Arabs to me, the blacks, the Jews, those blue tree hugging queers in Avatar. In fact, anyone who is from outside of the U.S. is technically an Arab…” So I’m sorry for those loyal fans out there who were hoping to watch this masterpiece while chocking on a gallon of mint ice cream, but it looks like you are going to have to wait (don’t worry you can still watch the movie I won’t tell, just make sure to draw the shades so Admiral-General-Aladeen can’t see you and have you executed).

BUT MR. BLOGGING WITH A DOG!?!? WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU SHARE A MOVIE ABOUT SUCH UPSETTING AND PRESSING ISSUES???!!!

Well senor, that’s why the movie is about a dictatorship! Maybe now you won’t be so quick to evacuate the states and head for North Korea after the next election >:) !!!! Besides, I haven’t even gotten to the juicy plot yet (if you wanna call it that at least).

Alright so picture this, clearly stupid dictator Admiral-General-Aladeen lives a happy life in Wadiya where he tortures his people, has pretty much anyone who crosses his path executed, and of course is developing nuclear weapons solely for “peaceful purposes.” When the United Nations threatens him with an attack if he does not appear before the world to discuss Wadiya’s future, he is forced to go to America. It is here where everything in his life goes to hell. His bodyguard attempts to torture and kill him, ultimately cutting off Aladeen’s beard before accidentally killing himself and freeing his prisoner. Without his famous facial hair, Admiral-General-Aladeen must use his false identity, Allison Burgers, to stop his attempted executioners from turning Wadiya into the dreaded democracy… uoujbkolhg the very thought of democracy makes my nose shrivel and twitch. Can you imagine a place with “free press, women drivers, civil rights” oh boy not in my country that’s for sure… Wadiya forever! Oh, and if you don’t know what civil rights are, come up to me on your own time and I’ll explain them to you “they’re hilarious!”

So maybe you’re the type of person who likes to walk around in crocks like they are a reliable pair of sneakers or perhaps you are the type of guy who likes to put on sweatpants and eat at Applebee’s every night. Well I want you to know that before you start hating on this 10/10 masterpiece, you are currently participating in the universal symbol of giving up hope. Don’t give up hope! Be Aladeen!! Besides, if you are truly not a fan of this movie, at least try a helicopter ride with the wonderful Aladeen and I mean literally try, it’s really hard to tell if its him when he pulls his eyes back and tries to be Asian or sags his pants and tries to be black. He’s truly an incredible actor. However, if you do somehow see through his disguise, you’ll hear some pretty great information be exposed. For instance, maybe he’ll explain to you that Osama Bin Laden has been living in his basement after America murdered his double last year, or that he has converted his suicide vest into a back brace, or maybe even that he is super stoked about the 911… 2012! Wow, I’ll bet you didn’t realize I was talking about the Porsche that he crashed into his palace and just reordered. See the problem isn’t this great man, it’s the reader for assuming the worst gosh…

This movie is especially great if you’re a fan of paying your respects at funerals. In fact, Aladeen is so excited to pay his respects to Sam Douglass that he winds up insulting a black man who he mistakes for Bobbi Brown, but don’t worry, he’s sorry Whitney turned out the way she did. Also, it’s always good when your relationship to the diseased is that he was your [insert bad word here], yep that’s a sure fire way to make sure there are “two funerals today!” Obviously, no one really cares about who Sam Douglass is, all Aladeen wants is his beard so he can be back to his normal appearance. So, the best way to accomplish this is clearly by decapitating Douglass’ dead body!

Isn’t this movie just fantastic! There are so many great scenes you aren’t going to get to watch because you’re an Arab!!

Anyway, maybe you aren’t a fan of insulting a torturers choice of tools, or maybe you have a strong hatred of someone getting a toy in their cereal bowl when you’ve wanted that particular toy the entire time the box has been open. I understand. I’ll only be hurt a little if you don’t go home right this instant and stream this movie. If you don’t I may have to execute you… just maybe… Don’t pass on a movie like this, I still laugh whenever my friends and I jump on the couch and pull up that Hulu search bar. The very thought that something hilarious is coming makes me die! And soon you will be dead too! Even the stupidest scenes are fabulous! Like wanting to throw a new baby girl into the trash can because it’s not a boy. Like Aladeen always says, “What are we having? A boy or an abortion?” Which is actually quite ironic since his entire royal guard is women combat experts…

So, pull up this flick, grab that huge bowl of Mafrafruit and get ready to peel away to the inner layers as soon as you turn on the movie because Aladeen is spikey and hard on the outside, but soft and mushy on the inside. Get to the inside it’s the best part! Or maybe you’ll just see him as his only friend sees him, which of course is like an onion: one layer of [bad word] sucker on the outside and when you peel it away there are 10 more layers of [bad word] sucker underneath!

Can’t you see this as a movie for the whole family to enjoy? It’s just a true Mona Lisa quality piece of design. It will make you tear up in many more ways than one!

Have fun friends, and I can’t wait to see you next time if you make it through without being killed!

Good luck and may your pockets feel nice and light as you drop bricks from them over the busy streets of New York!

Love as always!!

Your very caring,

Blogging Dog 😊

P.S. Captain hook and Sub-Saharan were unable to acquire the 100 child soldiers Aladeen requested do not worry.

 

Disclaimer: What you have read above was written for the sole purpose of trying to accurately describe what this movie is like. Please do not get triggered, thank you!

 

As always some of my favorite clips!

Captain Hook and Sub-Saharan

Torture

Nuclear Power

Suicide Scene

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BUsSPAFmauY

Helicopter Ride

Body Guard

HIV

Severed Head

Sam Douglass

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQncF9Gy7ws

Ending Scenes

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VfHs4eXXw9Q

General Overview Plus Extra Funnies!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4_zjt_rcEWA