I discovered something powerful when I was seven: I had a beautiful voice. One with warm, velvety tones that were sweet yet could also stretch into a deep, soulful belt. Although I had this incredible superpower within me, like everything in life, I needed technique. I was young and needed to find my voice. We innately mimic others to sing like our favorite Disney princess or artist when we are young. Yet, of course, that wasn’t me. I am Sophia Toledano, not Beyonce. I enrolled in lessons, refined my sound, found my control, and before I knew it, I was asked to sing at fundraisers, school-held ceremonies, football games, festivals, and more. I even received a vocal scholarship at my high school. In a way, singing became my expression; it is how I found my voice in the world. 

first brand microphone I ever received

Of course, the applause of a crowd and even sometimes the tears were exhilarating and left me starstruck. Yet, at the time, my voice also disclosed my spiritual side. Singing at my local synagogue went hand in hand with my newfound purpose. Who knew music-spirituality was my way of connecting to God? I always had difficulty finding religion at my Jewish private school; to be completely honest, I lacked the bond to it. Yet, when I opened my mouth to recite a prayer, it was as if God was strumming an illustrious golden guitar, and my voice cohesively melted into every note. I felt like I was being levitated to a space where I felt heard and loved.

First song I ever sang

However, as I grew older, I entered my pre-teen and teen years and grew insecure in my persona. Singing began to consume me, as it became the “only thing I was good at.” Other kids my age were academic achievers, being recruited for sports and creating AI websites. Who was I? I was the girl that could sing. I focused so much time and energy on perfection that I began to compare myself to others. I joined competitions and recitals and would critique myself so hard to the point of depression where I would only make sure I could sing the most complex songs in the world, not because I enjoyed singing them but because they required immense technique and excellence. I believed I would be serenaded for mastering such impressive songs at a young age. It truly made me question my self-worth, which pained me. At this point, I did not even love singing. I applied for a vocal scholarship at the University of Miami in my senior year. Still, I realized I could not dedicate myself to another four years of just falling farther apart from what I once knew as my passion. When-youve-lost-your-passion-for-that-thing-you-once-loved, you lose your voice in the world. 

This journey taught me not to lose sight of the things we love. It is more than facile to get caught up in the need for validation and to be the best. Yet, in reality, the best versions of ourselves are not the ones who try to be the best for others but the best for themselves.