Bullying and Victim Blaming

Many of my blog posts have been about victim blaming and how it relates to sexual assault but in reality victim blaming happens to so many other victims than just those of sexual assault. Bullying is another large topic of discussion when it comes to victim blaming. In 2014, the Centers for Disease Control and Department of Education released the first federal uniform definition of bullying for research and surveillance. The core elements of the definition include unwanted aggressive behavior; observed or perceived power imbalance; and repetition of behaviors or high likelihood of repetition (source).

When bullying occurs, people often place blame on the victim, falsely claiming that if somehow the victim were different, then bullying wouldn’t happen. They might even ask, “What did you do to cause it?” But bullying is never the victim’s fault. They don’t need to change to make the bully stop or meet his/her expectations. Change is always the bully’s responsibility.

While it is true that there are some things that one can develop to help deter bullying such as developing social skills and building self-esteem, the truth is that anyone can become a victim of bullying. There are a number of reasons why bullies target others. Among these reasons are insecurities, jealousy, issues at home, and aggressive tendencies. While these are a few of the root causes of bullying, there could be so many other reasons that someone is bullying others, but these reasons are no excuse.

To prevent blaming the victim of bullying it is important to become familiar with the most common ways that people do in fact blame bullying victims. Avoid doing these common blaming techniques to prevent yourself from becoming someone who blames victims of bullying.

The most common victim-blaming techniques (Source):

  • “He/She deserves it.”
  • “He/She should change.”
  • “He/She caused it or brought it upon themselves.”
  • “He/She didn’t fight back.”
  • “He/She is too sensitive”

There are also myths about victims of bullying that people believe to either avoid addressing the bullying or to avoid sympathy for the victim.

These myths include (Source):

  • All victims of bullying are nonassertive, weak, and vulnerable.
    • While it is true some victims of bullying are vulnerable and nonassertive, this assumption is not always factual. All kids are at risk of being bullied, even those who are gifted, better at sports, or those who have disabilities.
  • Victims of bullying do something to deserve the bullying.
    • Bullying is always a choice made by bullies and early intervention into their bullying behavior is the only way to address the issue. While helping victims of bullying build self-esteem, become assertive and make friends will help deter bullying, people must be careful not to blame the victim for the bullying. They also should not imply that if the victim was different somehow the bullying would not occur.
  • Victims of bullying tend to overreact and need to toughen up.
    • There is an empathy gap between adults and children who are affected by bullying. Many people also believe that bullying is a rite of passage and that
  • Victims of bullying always report the bullying when it happens.
    • Parents and friends often times believe that if their children were being bullied they would know it. But research has shown that kids rarely disclose what is happening to them even when they have excellent relationships with their parents.
  • Victims of bullying should retaliate against the bullies.
    • A popular reaction to bullying is to tell the victim to fight back but this can often lead to worse situations.

Of course, there are certain life skills we can teach victims of harassment and bullying to learn like resilience, assertiveness, perseverance, and self-confidence. But lacking these skills, or not having mastered them yet are not reasons to excuse the bullying and harassment at all nor are they reasons to blame the victim for the bullying they are experiencing.

Instead, we need to focus on teaching bullies how to take responsibility for their own actions. This has to start at home and/or in friend groups, but we know the reality; that doesn’t always happen. Therefore, it must happen and must be reinforced in the community, in school, and in various public or private social situations. Don’t be a bystander. Be a part of the village and stand up to bullying and harassment whenever you see it or hear it.

All people, but especially those who are somehow “different” or marginalized, must have the freedom to move about in this world without fear of being attacked or bullied.

7 thoughts on “Bullying and Victim Blaming

  1. I feel like even though there may not be a direct “he/she deserves to be sexually assaulted” victim blaming can still exist in those other examples of quotes you addressed. The worst thing we can do as a society is put the blame for something so difficult and tragic on the victim, and it would only continue to proliferate this bad groundwork. You develop this idea with really good examples and I feel like unfortunately, this culture still does exist where people whether on purpose or not will think “oh they could’ve done more to prevent it”. It’s really unfortunate that that thought exists, and we definitely need to make change as a society.

  2. I feel that as a culture, we like to blame the victims, because we are selfish. We are very lazy as a society, in the sense that we do not like to solve problems by addressing the underlying causes. Bullying is a complex problem but it definitely begins with the bully. It is however, easier to blame the victim because it puts all the responsibility on them instead of everyone else. People also take comfort in the fact that the victims are victims because they chose to be so. It is time for us as a society to change the way we think and address problems, because turning a blind eye by blaming the victim is not an effective solution.

  3. I thought that this was an interesting blog post! It bordered more on how people can behave differently and how we can be the change than on a specific event or the issue itself, which is a bit of a deviance from your usual blogs. It sort of turns into more of a personal policy than an analysis of the issue, admittedly, but it was still good! I think if you had had more sources and analyzed things a little more, it would have been more effective and would have felt more like a civic issue blog.
    I still think bringing up bullying as a form of victim shaming is a good idea though! Too often, people think only of sexual violence when they think of victim shaming. It was an especially good time to bring it up, given that the first lady is holding/held an event on bullying recently (which I think might have been a good thing to reference in your blog post). If you think about it, really, much of society ridicules her because of her husband, but what if she really is the victim, behind closed doors? People are too quick to judge. It so often seems that the harsh words come fast and furious, while the kind ones are few and far between.
    Certainly, people need to listen more and speak less; assume the best, instead of the worst, and when you find the worst, continue to believe in the possibility of something better because, at the end of the day, we’rr all just human.
    (I’m sorry for any typos. I’m struggling to peck this out on my phone because my laptop died. )

  4. Very passionate post! I’m not sure if I agree that change is always only the bully’s responsibility. In most cases, where the line is clear and the abuse is headed in one direction, of course it is the bully’s responsibility alone. Obviously, statements like “He/She didn’t fight back”, “He/She is too sensitive”, “He/She deserves it” are ridiculous in a situation where the person was completely a victim. But perhaps in some blurrier situations (a few instances of sexual assault), it might be more realistic to say both sides need to change (in their own way).

  5. Bullies are criminals, and the damage done to their victims often lasts well into adulthood. People commit suicide over how they were treated in early childhood. Yet, I have read so many blogs where it’s the “victim’s fault” because they need to “learn to read social queues better.” No. Abuse is NEVER the victim’s fault!

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