Hello my people! I hope everyone is doing well and is gearing up for THON weekend! P.S., we are almost at spring break- keep up the great work and we will be there in no time! Now, let’s get into the blog.

So, this week I decided to write about someone who I think exemplifies confidence, honestly, humility, and empathy. She is a model, a podcaster, a television presenter, and an author. She encourages women to accept their bodies and feel empowered in whatever they are doing.  She just gave birth to her first child (omg) and she is entering motherhood with honesty and vulnerability as she just posted a picture of her belly with stretch marks- something that is not usually seen on Instagram  where photoshopping and filters are used in excess.

Our woman of the week is: Ashley (freaking) Graham

I think the first time I was introduced to Ashley Graham was through a TedTalk. She was talking about being characterized as a Plus-size model and her struggle to love herself while dealing with critiques in the fashion industry or even on the street. One study that she cited in her talk that really resonated with me was that only 2% of women find themselves beautiful. And, that finding did not shock me at all. Sadly, I do not think I have ever heard one of my friends say that they think they look beautiful without following it up by saying that there is something they do not like about themselves or wishing away something on their bodies. Women are unfortunately socialized to believe that there is always something they can do to fix themselves- why do you think the beauty industry is so dang successful. It almost feels wrong to say that you think you’re beautiful out loud, as if it is a sin or something. And, don’t get me wrong, this problem is not exclusive to women. Men are subject to beauty standards as well- just look at any romantic comedy ever. Men should strive to be the hero, who is handsome and muscular, and they should be ashamed if they relate to the awkward, average side-kick who is usually just there for comedic relief.

The 2% of women thinking they are beautiful made me think of my own socialization. Being the youngest in my family, I was exposed to self-loathing and self-deprecation at a young age. Though I do think the women in my family and I are working on having better relationships with our bodies, I do think it was a long time coming. Weight has always been a topic of conversation that was discussed at family events growing up. I can remember my aunt asking my mom what my sister and I in a day and comparing it to what her girls eat in a day. It is so sad to think that for so many people, their relationship with food has been ruined by their own fear of their body changing. Food is supposed to nourish us and help us function, not something to be scared of.

Beyond her Ted Talk, something I love about Graham is her podcast. Her podcast is called Pretty Big Deal, and she interviews inspiring men and women. She is so good at facilitating such honest and though-provoking conversations.  One of my favorite episodes is with Whitney Cummings. Cummings talk about her struggle with codependency. Cummings defines codependency as having a bad relationship with yourself or being unable to tolerate the discomfort of others. She outlines how this has crippled herself in her life such as making her feel guilty for saying no, becoming obsessed with fixing other people’s problems while ignoring her own problems, or obsessing over the idea whether someone likes you or not. After listening to this, I was like oh my god I feel like not only do I struggle with this, but so many other people I know grapple with these types of problems.

I can’t tell you how many times I tossed and turned in my bed at night thinking whether I said something, that is probably from years ago, that made people question me. Or, how badly I wanted to say no to something but, out of fear I will hurt someone’s feelings, I said yes. I have gotten better at trying to deal with these unproductive thoughts but, I feel like these are problems that a lot of women face on a daily basis. I think especially since there is such an expectation placed on women to be nurturers or peacemakers. We should be grateful for every opportunity (so, say yes!) and if our acquaintance is having a personal crisis I should drop everything and try to fix it. And, I know I don’t feel great when I’m putting myself on the back burner but listening to this podcast was just the healthy reminder I needed to be like  ‘oh, yeah let’s be more conscious of this behavior’. Cumming and Graham’s conversation on this is so interesting so I highly recommend you give it a lesson!

And, above all, I love Graham SO much because of her outlook on life. She is not afraid to take up space and voice all of her opinions. She has a great relationship with her faith and she keeps her core values with her in everything she does. I think she is just what the modeling industry needs and she, being such an advocate for clothing for all sizes, is holding the fashion industry more accountable for their lazy excuses in excluding most of the population from their clothing.

Well, that’s it! Have a great (THON) weekend!

Brianna Mitchell 🙂