There are many ways you can build a community around you, and each community will look a little different. If you are contemplating the place of community within your life, the following article may give you a bit of a kick start and some ideas for how to implement this change in your life.
Recognize that going it alone is lonesome.
People do not operate at their highest level of functioning when we try to “lone wolf” it, or progress through our lives completely by ourselves. Just thinking through some of the sayings and idioms that are so frequently tossed around in regular discourse (strength in numbers, no man is an island, etc.), it is clear to see that we are social beings who thrive in social settings. Moving through life by ourselves is a sad endeavor, and much pain comes when we feel so very lonely.
Decide to make community a priority.
Since we know it can be a struggle to continue through life without it, we can explore why community is so important. It is crucial to understand that Community Matters, and you can continue to that linked article for more reading on my personal experience. We do not always appreciate our friends as the force they are in their lives, and it is eye opening to see Why Your Friends Are More Important Than You Think.
Evaluate your friendships.
Not all friendships are created equal. Some of your friendships are not built to survive past surface level, and others are more toxic and should not be kept. An important part of building your community recognizing the Seven Signs of a True Friend in your friends.
Evaluate yourself as a friend.
Not every problem within a friend group is the fault of the other members. It is important to hold yourself to the same standards of involvement within your relationships. If you want a lighthearted way to check how good you are within a friendship, this Buzzfeed quiz asks the question: Are You Actually a Good Friend?
Spend time with people who build you.
Sometimes life knocks us down. This is no surprise to anyone who has been around for any amount of time, and this aspect of friendship is a direct response to the difficulties we face. It is crucial to spend your time with those who build you up, who hold you up in tough times and encourage you to seek greatness and reach your full potential. In those difficult times, you are hoping for friends who say, “I’m with you,” and really prove it by being there when you need them.
Seek out others who will challenge you.
It is very easy to stick to a status quo. It is also easy to lose your dreams in the middle of the chaos of everyday life. That is Why Everyone Needs a Friend Who Will Challenge Them to be Better, or a few friends who do the same. Surrounding yourself with individuals who will not only build you but encourage and push you to keep building is essential.
Be thankful for those people in your life.
Thankfulness is an incredibly important practice. Growing up, my Nana used to sing “Count Your Blessings” to us whenever we would go to visit, and that is a phrase that has stuck with me for years. A strong community is one of the most incredible gifts, and finding your crew is a blessing that can be counted doubly.
Be realistic with your expectations.
Even the best relationships and the strongest communities are not foolproof, in various respects. Just because you are a part of a strong community does not mean that you will never again be lonely, or that there will not be spats within your community. What you are looking for is a pattern over the course of weeks/months/years.
***
If you are being emotionally or verbally abused by the community you are a part of, getting out of that situation is important. If you need help, visit the following helplines:
Day One Verbal Abuse
That’s Not Cool Online Verbal Abuse
Emotional Abuse Helpline
***
While no friendships or communities are perfect, they can be truly amazing. Look for those who build you, encourage you, challenge you, and support you, and be thankful for their presence in your life. Give that same love and support back to them, and contribute to the community that is contributing so positively to your life.