For most college students, especially for someone like me, failing is a terrible thing. A lot of students think failing is the end of their life and future.
Even with such mind set, I really couldn’t control my aversion to a certain professional course last semester. Once I took that class, I was in “great pain”.
At the end of last semester, I began to buy myself more time. I was anxious, panicky, scared, but just didn’t do any study. It wasn’t until several hours before the exam that I unwillingly opened the book for the first time. This is the first time that I gave up the course even though I knew I was going to fail. And then I did.
Under the pressure of re-taking the exam, I put up with a great sense of discomfort and did a good review before the make-up exam. Then I found out that I didn’t really hate this course as much as I thought. Although I was definitely not interested in it, I didn’t hate it.
Having made up my mind to face it, I found that the only thing I hated was my own. I passed the make-up exam with a high score. But unexpectedly, although I failed the course, I didn’t think life was over, nor did I feel so sad.
The familiarity of all kinds of college entrance examination (SAT etc.) is overwhelming. It’s just my fear of failing scares me. When I figure out that what you fear is not the real outcome, but fear itself, my mind is now free, which is what grown-ups like to call “powerful.”
This is when I do something I enjoy. The things I love are the things that bring me peace of mind. Those I hate are “obligations”, it become shackles, so I have to do those things will upsets me.
Now when I rethink about everything, we will find that we should not work hard for “everyone wants to go to university, so I want to go to university”, but work hard for “having a more fulfilling university life and meeting better friends”, which have to be achieved by “going to university”.
Instead of doing it for “a good job, a PhD,” do it for “I found an area I really like, and I really want to know what it’s like.”
Finance should not be studied because “everyone says that finance is easy money”, but because “I want to know how money works”.
The former is the fear of the heart, and the latter is the call of the heart.