Caleb's RCL Blog

Here it comes.

The moment you’ve all been waiting for…

Pretty much every blog post up until this final installment has been positive and glowing (with the possible exception of “Argo,” but even there I didn’t critique much). I love movies. There aren’t very many movies I don’t enjoy.

Enter the review of “Face/Off”…

Pictures from this point forward will consist primarily of GIFs.

This movie stars John Travolta and the actor the Internet loves to hate, Nicolas Cage. Seriously, everything he does is a joke. Why does he still play serious roles in movies?

Anyway, we know there’s trouble from the beginning when Cage forces a woman to sit on his lap and suck on his tongue. Perversion seems to be one of his character’s fundamental qualities.

I can’t even think of a caption for this…

If GIF files made sound, you would hear all the weird Nic Cage-noises that accompany his batshit-crazy facial expressions.

And the craziness does not stop with Nicolas Cage.

An extremely-contrived plot line is the least of the action movie holes that this film falls into. Well of course the easiest way to find the bomb planted by terrorist-Nic Cage is to steal Nic Cage’s face while he’s in a coma.

“Take it, it’s yours!”

Seriously. They remove his face. You can’t just take a face off and put it on at will, that’s not–it’s not–it’s…

Nevermind. Nothing in this movie makes sense anyway. If your willing suspension of disbelief holds for the face-exchange scene, then you’ll be fine for everything else– Travolta brings down Cage’s plane by stepping on it with a helicopter, Cage throws a container of sulfuric acid in the air and then shoots it (brilliant), both actors get into a boat chase where Cage drives his flaming boat through another flaming boat, which explodes, and society decides that the best way to lock up Nicolas Cage is to give him metal boots and construct a prison with a built-in magnetic field so he can’t move his feet.

It didn’t work. Nothing ever works.

This movie also taught me that everything makes sparks when you shoot it. It was probably someone’s job to run around the set placing fireworks, in which case where can I get an application?

My favorite part of this movie was when Travolta’s character wakes up to find that he’s got the face of Nicolas Cage, and promptly freaks out, breaking three mirrors with a coat rack and shouting “FUCK YOU” at every person in the room, one at a time.

I don’t think Mr. Cage handles emotions well, especially the fake kind. I sometimes wonder if he embraces his own lunacy. It would certainly explain “The Wicker Man.”

I must, however, admit that I enjoyed the hell out of this movie. If you’re really into cheap action flicks or the so-bad-it’s-good genre, check it out. And in the meantime, enjoy this tasty treat, straight out of the caring and warm oven of the Internet:

The Wrap Up

Well, I gotta say it’s been a pleasure reviewing movies for you all. So much of a pleasure that I’m considering keeping this going. One thing’s for sure, as long as there are new movies out there to watch, I will be watching them. So stay tuned, keep in touch, and continue watching movies, because some day you might see a name you recognize in the credits. Tee hee.

That is all.

No, it’s not “Zero Dark Thirty.” I was too busy making my own movie this weekend to see that one. It’s also not a new movie–2002 is over a decade ago now. I’m reviewing this movie because I saw it for the first time this week, and I liked it.

The first question I had while watching the movie was why have I not seen or heard of this movie before? Seriously. Directed by Steven Spielberg, lots of noteworthy actors, and yet it seemed to have disappeared off the map, at least for me.

Maybe it’s just the timing. This movie is from that awkward space in time where it’s too young to be considered classic but old enough to be on VHS.

Oh hey there, childhood.

To give an extremely quick summary, “Catch Me If You Can” is about the true story of a 17-year-old kid who conned the world out of millions of dollars using false checks, impersonating a pilot, doctor, and lawyer, and fooling Tom Hanks. I mean, the FBI.

Anyway, it’s a little pointless to critique the plot of a movie based off a true story. And I won’t talk about Spielberg’s attention to historical detail because

1. Spielberg has been very off/on about this in the past. “Amistad” tweaked the past quite a bit, but his recent film “Lincoln” seemed to faithfully represent actual events a bit more. Mr. Spielberg seems to love himself some true stories, but he also loves to change them to fit the bill of classic storytelling and the expectations of moviegoers–I’m guessing he changed quite a few things about the true story behind “Catch Me If You Can,” for his own storytelling reasons.

2. I don’t want to do the research on the true story.

“Do it yourself.”

Oh, yeah, Christopher Walken is in this movie. I liked his performance, but Leonardo DiCaprio really stole the show here. He was an innocent, young boy, a charismatic conman, or an emotionally damaged prisoner, depending on what Spielberg needed him to be.

I also seem to be reviewing a lot of DiCaprio movies lately (“Django Unchained,” “The Departed”). It has me wondering where his Oscar is.

All in all, this movie was handled nicely. The action never really stops; it’s funny; it’s dramatic; it’s a little bit of everything. I like semi-colons.

If this movie was a dessert item, it would be the kind of frozen yogurt you get at Kiwi when you’re really hungry and can’t help but put every single sort of topping on, and even though you’re not sure about your strange and fascinating new dish, the first bite is fantastic and heart-warming and seems to satisfy your hunger.

No regrets

Until next week.

I never got into Lord of the Rings (the Harry Potter series took its place in my heart, I guess). I’ve seen the movies, of course, but haven’t touched the books.

I have read The Hobbit, however. It was a long time ago and I thoroughly enjoyed it, so I was interested in watching the movie and seeing what I could remember from my book-reading experience (not a whole lot, apparently). I knew this much: The Hobbit has a very different tone from the LotR. It’s a little more lighthearted and funny. It’s also shorter, so I was a little confused when I heard they would be splitting it up into three movies. How much fluff are they going to stick in to fill up that many hours of screen time?

Approximately two tablespoons.

So, let’s see…

1. The film “The Hobbit” is not LotR, and that is good (see above). It does a great job keeping the “fun” feel of the book. There are songs and jokes, and just enough to strike a balance with the serious and epic scenes. A+.

2. “The Hobbit” gets a little fluffy (see above), especially the second time through. I was right to be a little skeptical at the whole “three movie” thing going on here–there are bits that weren’t in the book at all, and they feel a lot like fan service. That being said, if you’re a LotR fan, you’re going to love every second of it. If you’re not, or even if you’re just someone who likes LotR or who has seen a little LotR, you’re gonna find it slow-moving.

The beginning is especially slow–it must take a good half hour to meet the young Bilbo Baggins, and even though the dinner scene is great for character development and comic relief, it just drags. On the floor.  

…Oh wait, so Bilbo’s upset that people are in his house! I get it now. \sarcasm

While I’m on the topic of characters, I might as well mention that I enjoyed Martin Freeman’s performance as Bilbo. Ever since I saw him play Arthur Dent, I can’t help but notice that he always seems to play the same sort of Unfazed Everyman character, and he is damn good at it. 

The visual effects in this movie are also stunning as usual. I saw it in 2D both times, and could tell that there were some 3D-made scenes (fast-paced ducking and weaving camera movements, etc). I sort of wish they hadn’t done that, but it was beautiful anyway. I wish I had a key to that gorgeous New Zealand landscape like Peter Jackson. He probably carries it around in his back pocket like it’s nbd.

Rrrrrrrrrrr.

Although the visual effects were a little tainted for me since I couldn’t stop wondering who was underpaid or abused during the creation process. More info on that to come, trust me.

If you want to talk frame rate, I prefer 24, although I haven’t seen it in its higher version so I don’t have much of a basis for comparison.

All in all, excellent movie if you like LotR or enjoyed the book. Still enjoyable but a little slow-moving if you don’t fall into that category.

See ya next week.

The funny business might be a little forced with this one.

Sadness is hilarious.

Anyway, this was my actually my second time watching it, so I sort of sat back and enjoyed the music, not paying much attention to the sad stuff. You should have seen me the first time, though.

But I’m not here to talk about my ugly, crybaby tears–I’m here to review a movie.

So let’s start with plot, although it’s sort of hard for me to talk about with proper ethos (Heyyo, this is English class) since I haven’t read the book or seen the musical performed.  But from what I gathered, the story is pretty quality. I think my favorite character was Javert, the policeguy in constant pursuit of Jean Valjean, played by Russell Crowe.

What is he looking at…?

This was apparently a point of contention, or what’s that called, stasis (Heyyo) for moviegoers. Some people I talked to afterwards hated his performance, and some people liked it a lot. It was generally agreed that he wasn’t the best singer of the bunch, but I personally didn’t mind his singing at all. Maybe it’s just because I liked his character so much, or that he liked to sing while walking on ledges, which always makes things more intense and has nifty symbolic connotations (his character is always on the moral fence).

I liked pretty much the entire cast, except the guy who played Marius. He was weird-looking, up close. In my opinion. Thick lips, I dunno.

His singing was pretty okay, I guess.

I thought that above all, the performances of Hugh Jackman and Anne Hathaway were spectacular. That wraps up my spiel about actors.

Pictured: probably one of the most poignant scenes in the movie.

This is a (primarily) sad movie with fantastic music that is still stuck in my head. Seriously, it’s been two days. Dear lord when will it leave?!

Eh, could be worse.

Anyway, if the miserable-ness gets to you, do what I did the second time around and employ this handy technique: watch the movie, taking into account the plot but picturing all the actors as characters they played in past movies. Soon you will be wondering why Gladiator is trying to stop Wolverine from taking care of Catwoman’s child. And then (if you’re weird like me) you’ll wonder why Catwoman couldn’t have just stolen some money (it’s her profession after all), and why Borat and Bellatrix Lestrange got together (they have little in common).

Therrrre’s the photoshop.

Fun fact: If I had been born a girl, my parents would have named me Cosette. Some of you might already know this. I don’t really care for the French language at all, since I can’t pronounce a single word of it, so thank God I’m a guy I guess.

‘Til next week.

Let the sky faaaaaaaalll

When it crummblllllesss….

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DeumyOzKqgI

Well, now that I’ve got Adele sufficiently stuck in your head, on to the review.

This review is being written a little while after watching the movie, but I’ll do my best to remember what I thought of it.

As per usual, the film starts by jumping right into the chase, this time over Istanbul rooftops and a train carrying some very confused passengers.

I couldn’t help picturing the motorcycles replaced with unicycles. I may patent that idea.

It’s an excellent way to kick off an excellent Bond movie–sticking to the formula while having Bond do new and slightly questionable things like drive a Caterpillar Industrial Machine Thing (what are those called, anyway? Claws?) over the cars of a moving train.

Speaking of formula, I should probably speak a little about formula. With a franchise like  the James Bond movies, your audience brings certain expectations to the table. When you’re Sam Mendes, the director of Skyfall, you need to decide which expectations to meet and which to break. And I think Mendes did an above-average job picking and choosing, especially when you consider the flop that was Quantum of Solace. 

The last three Bond movies in general break the formula through Daniel Craig’s representation of Bond–fallible and imperfect. I also think he’s a really angry Bond, which is kind of weird but also satisfying in some way. Like Jello.

Ahem.

In many ways, however, Skyfall stays true to the formula, and does it well. We have a killer opening credits sequence, a captivating tailing mission, an interesting new threat to MI6, several more women that sort of just throw themselves onto Daniel Craig, and lots of explosions. What more do you need?

Well, you might not need more, but more was thrown in, especially in the cinematography department. The scene in Shanghai is a good example, with reflected lights from the glass walls in the skyscraper reflecting everywhere in a beautiful mess. Then the silhouettes of Bond and Patrice fight and I start to run out of synonyms for “awesome.”

It was like “whoa.”

This is thanks to a man named Roger Deakins, who has cinematographerized (technical term) for movies like The Shawshank Redemption and No Country for Old Men, and who always seems to be just missing a well-deserved Oscar.

His skill is evident in the climax of Skyfall, which had me turning into a puddle in my theater chair.

The lights… the colors…

My GOODNESS. It was by far my favorite scene of the movie.

All in all, a very well-executed Bond movie and entertaining movie movie.

Hey, no one said I had to review new movies.

Plus, I didn’t want to review “Wreck It Ralph” because I loved it too much. My review would have been ~600 words of obsessing over the writing, animation, and video game references. So I turned my attention to IMDb’s top 250, and more specifically, Martin Scorsese’s “The Departed” (#50 for those curious).

My first glance at the poster revealed three actors I typically enjoy, under the direction of a very well-established and respectable director.

“Goody goody,” I thought, and I watched the movie.

Paying close attention and stuff.

“The Departed” is a crime drama. It takes place in Boston, a city where everybody is either a cop, a criminal, or a female psychologist who is really bad at finding the right guy. Everybody is a double–no, wait–triple agent, and everybody is just itching to get into a fistfight with everybody else. The movie explains this by saying “they’re Irish.” I’m not kidding.

A recurring song in the movie is “I’m Shipping Up to Boston” by Dropkick Murphys.

Oh, and Jack Nicholson’s character is underpants-on-head-insane as usual. His capacity for engaging in torture and being covered in blood reminds me of one of the nastier reservoir dogs. Speaking of which, this movie is violent. If you don’t like that, well… viewer discretion is advised.

Hah! I’ve always wanted to say that.

…Right, reviewing–

My favorite thing about the movie was probably the parallelism between Billy and Collin Sullivan. It’s really interesting how they almost become opposites of each other, and at the same time their lives intersect and wind around each other like a helix. There’s a lot of good cross-cutting used to compare their lives at certain points; the best example I can think of is a scene where Collin is on a date at the same time Billy is getting his arm bandaged up. One guy has it all, the other has pretty much nothing, and it’s fairly clear who to root for. A large part of the movie is like a drawn out race–both characters are trying to get the other guy before the other guy gets them. The dramatic irony is great for suspense.

There’s a particularly brilliant scene in which Billy and Collin finally get to speak with each other for the first time over the phone. For a moment, watching the facial expressions of the characters, you think this is it, this is where it happens. You don’t really know what “it” is, but you’re confident that it’s big and significant. And then the characters keep the ruse going, and the drama keeps unfurling like the break in rhythm never happened. 

That awkward phone conversation where no one says anything, and then you hang up.

Skipping ahead, I’m going to admit that I had a little trouble with the ending. It was hard, putting together reasons for so many characters dying in such a small space of time. After the very end, where the biggest prick was killed by the biggest jerk, I couldn’t help but feel like the whole thing was a bit disjointed. It also reminded me very much of the typical gangster movie (a genre Scorsese is no stranger to), where the audience is shown the gangster life, with all its privileges and corruption, and then correction happens, with a bang. From a gun. Because the gun fired.

I really can’t say that the end didn’t make sense–it made perfect sense. I just didn’t like it as much, for some strange reason.

That didn’t stop me from thoroughly enjoying the rest of the movie, though.

Until next time!