I tried to model this off of the example, and I know it still needs work. All of my references for this part are hyperlinked to the superscripted numbers, but are not yet in the proper citation form. If possible, I would particularly like feedback on my final paragraph.
It feels like the underfunding of Music Education has been a topic of discussion for the last twenty years; and as of last year, it is. In 2001, President George W. Bush passed the No Child Left Behind Act, which was designed to close the “achievement gaps”1 between different races, gender, and wealth classes. This act put many things into place, including but not limited to, standardized tests for middle schoolers and more flexibility for students in Title I schools2. Along with these new standards, the NCLB Act of 2001 allowed for more flexibility in how a school district chose to distribute their budget through each subject. Due to the fact that the standardized tests mentioned above focused on math, english, and eventually science, most school districts chose to direct their money towards those subjects, ultimately pulling that funding from the subjects that would not be tested: the arts3.
This Act, with the intention of creating a more equal education for all the children of America, indirectly impacted a very large part of that very education they sought to protect. While math, science, and english are extremely important subjects to have an in-depth knowledge of, studies have shown that receiving an education in music has been proven to improve verbal and working memory, cognitive performance, attention span, speech response, linguistic development, reading and writing skills4, all of which are necessary to create a successful student and eventually a functioning member of society.
However, music education has not been and has never been deemed worthless by parents, teachers, or students. According to a Harris Poll administered in 2005, “93% of Americans agreed that the arts are essential for providing students with a well-rounded education”5. Although this is an old poll, it sparked a lot of interest in the topic of music education and its severe lack of funding within the last 17 years. Stars & Catz, an online music music educator program, discovered that out of 200 studies done on the benefits of music education and its lack of adequate funding, 80% of these studies have been published, a 65% increase from 20056. In a more recent study conducted in 2015 by the NAMM Foundation, “Seventy-seven percent of teachers and Sixty-four percent of parents agree that music and arts education are “extremely important” or “very important. Sixty-three percent of teachers and Fifty-seven percent of parents believe music education should be a required subject in middle school.Eighty-seven percent of teachers and Eighty-one percent of parents believe children should have a chance to learn to play musical instruments as early as elementary school”7. People believe that music needs to be an integral part of student’s lives, and by cutting the funding for those programs, we are possibly cutting their creativity and ability to develop skills they will always have a use for. As the initial, yet unintentional, creator of this severe lack of funding for the education of music and the arts, including music education into the No Child Left Behind Act funding presents itself as a corrective measure for this matter. It will allow for adequate funding from both the government and individual school districts as it will be a part of the curriculum that is now expected to be learned by all.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I don’t see a title here (I didn’t make one either, whoops!) but I think that something straightforward like “Underfunding of Music Education and How the No Child Left Behind Act Can Help” might be good!
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
Definitely. I think that all of the statistics make the exigence even more evident.
The only thing I may suggest (and take this with a grain of salt, perhaps this is just fine the way it is) is to make it a smidge shorter, as although all of the data tie together beautifully, some could go in the argumentative sections further down, and you could leave just a few to grab the reader’s attention in the beginning to convince them of the importance.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
I think this is perfect, it is clear, concise, and leads me to understand where the rest of the paper will go. I think this is going to be such a strong piece, I’m looking forward to reading it!
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
No title yet.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
I think the topic of youth education always has its own exigence and you did a good job connecting it to prior policies. I do not see a way to increase this.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
Your thesis was well stated and revealed your argument. Your last paragraph I feel was a few too many statistics in a row and they were somewhat redundant so I feel like you can break them apart with analysis, cut some out, or meld them together.
1). Comment on the title. How does it offer a way forward on the issue? Does it hint at or echo the paper’s thesis? Make suggestions.
I can’t really comment on the title as there currently is not one, but do incorporate a dynamic title which serves to engage the reader whilst summarizing the main points of this brief.
2). Does this piece’s title and introduction respond to an exigence?-Does it make the issue pressing or connect to other pressing needs and issues? Make suggestions.
Again, I can’t comment on the title. I did enjoy how informative and concise the introduction was, and it really sets up a fantastic thesis. I really loved how you just delved right into the sources, as it provides a lot more credibility to your piece. It makes the issue you’re tackling very clear to even the most elementary of readers.
3). Comment on the thesis. Does it set up a clear argumentative claim? Is it advancing a specific policy or practice? Can you imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold?
It definitely does clearly present the rest of the argument within the issue brief, and states exactly the aims of your brief, which I truly appreciate. Overall, it’s a short and sweet thesis which allows for you to better convey and set-up the following arguments.