I didn’t mean for my passion posts to take a route with similar names and following a theme, but I think it’s kinda fun and interesting now, so let’s do it!

Why am I a busy girl?

Well, let me tell you: I have never been busier in my life.

I am on a THON committee, planning for my security shifts throughout the weekend, I am the manager of the women’s lacrosse team, going to practice everyday and starting this week traveling across the east coast to film games, I am having meetings to continue toward my goals of a double major and an early graduation (which I’m on track for!), I am rushing a service sorority at the moment so I can be more involved, I am trying to stay in shape by working out weekly, I am trying to work ahead on my homework during the weekend before the week so I have less stress during this busy week, I am maintaining a job that both supports me and gives me a semesterly scholarship, I am hanging out with friends so I can remember college happily, I am calling my family to stay positive and continue being close with them, and most importantly, I am choosing happy and making sure that I’m staying mentally healthy while doing all of these activities.

It’s a lot. It somehow feels like more than I did in high school, which isn’t necessarily true, I was in every club there was available and I played sports throughout the year. It was a lot. I think the difference is between the school systems and my mental health honestly.

I think my difference of stress level between high school and college is somewhat caused by the fact that I did all of those activities in high school after a 7 hour school day and had homework at the end of every day that I simply couldn’t work ahead on.

However, I think the difference is more chalked up to my mental wellbeing. High school was a difficult time, especially my latter two years. I hated my last years of high school while somehow being the most proud of anything I’ve ever done. I want to feel that way at the end of my 3 and 1/2 years at Penn state, but without the miserable memories. I want to be proud and happy and enjoy my life. I’m doing that.

It’s important to me that I be proud of myself and my achievements, but being proud of myself didn’t make me any less unhappy and didn’t stop me any less from contemplating suicide in my senior year of high school (I know, big share, I won’t get too heavy). I think that I’m as happy as I could be because I’m choosing happy. I know I wrote about that already so I’m not emphasizing that.

However, I am emphasizing choosing busy and choosing proud. Having great times with your friends is only going to get you so far and only going to get you to a certain level of pride in yourself. By choosing busy, I choose pride. I choose a happiness within myself, I choose a confidence that nothing else can give me, and I feel like I can eventually be the person I want to be one day.