Welcome to our final “Just For Laughs” Blog post. I’m sure that you’re as sad as I am that this is the Final Post. I would first like to apologize for last weeks post If I offended anybody with my joke. I never intended to upset anyone, although I should have known better than to publicly joke about the ongoing pandemic. Which is what inspired me to address my sense of humor, and why someone like myself may have one. I do not speak for all, but I know I speak for a surprising majority, at least that is the case in my experience. Now I want to make it clear that I am not writing this to try and condone my humor, or defend myself from last week. I’m not trying to make you feel bad either, instead trying to give you a perspective.

My life up to this point has been…Not so good.

I grew up with the ability to do almost anything I wanted to, yet I find myself unhappy at the end of almost everyday. I did not by any means have a healthy environment to grow up in, verbal and physical abuse where part of my everyday life. It was a rare occasion if my parents did not yell at each other for one day.

This certainly effected my ability to communicate with others in school. I was picked on through out middle school and I dreaded going to school almost everyday. I never knew how to defend myself and I just tried to roll with the punches, not like that worked. I never told anyone because I was always told “If people wanted to know what you had to say, then they will ask you. Otherwise don’t talk.”. Striking up a conversation with new people is something that I struggle with, even at college when I’m hundred of miles away, I can still hear the words echo inside my head.

Things got worse in Highschool. I had Isolated myself from my peers, as I found it impossible to even try and have a conversation with them. I had become so defensive that I would lash out in anger if someone jokingly teased me, and I soon found myself with only a few friends. I had reached the darkest time in my life during junior year, where the thought of suicide actually put me at peace. I think it was knowing that If I had done it that I would only have to suffer for a little longer, and than that would be it, No more. I had come close a few times, but something had always kept me from doing it. I’m not sure if it was some last shred of hope, or maybe I was to much of a coward to do it, but I never went through with it.

I guess what I’m saying is that those with a “Dark” sense of humor, and more so those who make “Dark” jokes are damaged. I don’t have this sense of humor because I want to be edgy, or that I want to make a statement about how everything is becoming more PC and I choose to resist the change. I guess this is all true to an extent, but mostly, Having this sense of humor is just me coping. Making jokes about serious issues is my way of distracting myself of some the shittier parts of my life. Everyday I am tormented by my past, and some days I don’t see myself getting any better.

Again The purpose of this post wasn’t meant to try and make you feel bad, and truthfully I hope that none of you guys ever sink to the kind of depravity and desensitized that I’m currently wading through, I instead wanted to give a reason as to why some people a dark sense of humor. I can imagine that this post may be unsettling to a few of you, and I you’re wondering, I’m doing better. I’m not great, but better than I was. One of the things I did besides watch comedians was read and even write some of my own poetry. I write fairly often, and it is usually about whatever I’m feeling on a particular day, or if there is a thought that won’t get out of my head, Ill try and put it in terms in that I can understand. Here is a poem that I really enjoy by a guy named Charles Bukowski. He also had a very unpleasant up brining, and it is reflected in his nihilistic poetry. While most of his poems are dark and depressing, this one is a beautiful exception. 

I do not know if I will ever drift away from my own Nihilism, or if I even want to. I do not believe that religion can create a meaning on life as a whole. Rather the meaning that we give life has to come from our own Post-conventional beliefs, it has to be unique to us.

I really enjoyed that the time that we spent we time together in class. It has always gave me hope seeing you guys being able to communicate with each other and form friendships with one another, understanding that I too can one day be like you. While maybe you weren’t the best of friends, you defiantly created a comfortable environment that I always enjoyed going to. I hope you all are doing well in the face of this pandemic, understand that this is a temporary situation and soon we will be able to return to out normal lives, hopefully before summer roles around.

Take care, and remember, We Will Defeat Death

Cole