Curated By: Yassah, Kate-Lynn, Rahel, Akiva, and Gabrielle

Early Conversation with Children about Sexuality

Warning: “TEACH YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEX OR THE INTERNET WILL”

Are you uncomfortable having conversations with your children about sexuality? Yes, it is uncomfortable, but it has to be done. Having age-appropriate topics relating to our relationships, bodies, and feelings can be awkward. It is important to teach young children about their body parts and explore the differences. The most important thing is to be clear about what the message is and how it should impact them positively. The similarities and differences about their sexuality should be clear, consistent, and accurate. In order to maintain a life-long conversation about sexuality, parents should engage in ongoing discussions as a channel in which children can be open and realistic about what they want to talk about. Moreover, school policies should recognize the importance of incorporating lectures about sexual orientation and gender identity. It is never too late to start these conversations. Even if it feels uncomfortable, your openness and care matters. That is why parenting is one the hardest job in the world!

“It is not just children’s sexual desire and pleasure but also their sexual knowledge that worries early childhood educators.” (Tobin, 2001, p. 191).

https://www.parents.com/thmb/AVcrQTR4-Pp-n21fKZGeNJXyw94=/1500×0/filters:no_upscale():max_bytes(150000):strip_icc()/Its-Not-the-Stork-97a7f3c8db584603ab1d8ad464636b02.jpg

Parents are Sex Educators: Teaching Our Children about Sexuality

When do parents start talking about sexual health?

“Puberty used to be the ideal time to talk about sexual health with your kids.  Pediatricians now recommend starting at age 5. What changed?” (Johnstone, 2022).

No matter how sophisticated parental controls for internet access are, research shows the average age children are now exposed to pornography is 13, with some children being exposed by age 7. Digging deeper, 60% of 11- to 13-year-olds are exposed to adult content by accident. And 93% of males and 64% of females under 18 have purposefully accessed pornography. All of these statistics correlate with ever greater smartphone use in young people. With this in mind, the truism of “teach your children about sex or the internet will” has never rung more true. (Johnstone, 2022).

Work Cited:

Tobin, J. (2001). Childhood sexuality after Freud: The problem of sex in early childhood education. Annual Psychoanalysis. Winer, J. and J. Anderson. Oakland. Analytic Press, pp. 179-198.
https://lgapi-us.libapps.com/ld.php?er_attachment_id=1013575&site_id=2457&request_id=86079721&token=fkxY0b3IKJTQ3ObZwDtc8epEVDjOu1AvTdSP1R0

The Best Sex Education Books for Kids and Parents
https://www.parents.com/kids/health/best-sex-education-books-for-kids-by-age/

Parents are Sex Educators: Teaching Our Children about Sexuality
https://www.familyequality.org/resources/parents-are-sex-educators-teaching-our-children-about-sexuality/

Johnstone, N., (2022). When to start talking about sexual health with your child: Earlier than you think.
https://mcpress.mayoclinic.org/parenting/when-to-start-talking-about-sexual-health-with-your-child-earlier-than-you-think/

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Children’s Play and Gender Stereotyping

Childhood Sexuality after Freud: The Problem of Sex in Early Childhood Education provides us with two studies. In the second study, it talks about preschool teachers talking about sexuality that occurs in their classrooms whether it being play time or at any other points of the day. Tobin (2001) found “…the core concerns contemporary Americans have about sexuality in preschool settings reflect the projection of larger social problems onto early childhood education” (p. 187). In the world of preschool, the day is filled with exploratory play which is just another term for centers. One of the centers is called Dramatic Play. Some teachers tend to keep this center focused around the current study (or theme as we know it). Other teachers just have the center as its roots – kitchen/house area. This tends to be the most popular center aside from anything that has to do with building. Children love to pretend play and dress up whether we realize it or not! This is the center where one could learn a great deal about what their students know, are exposed to, and who they truly are/want to be as a human being. For example, a teacher might observe the girls often playing house. If there is all the same gender in the center when the students are playing house, some students will say, “Okay, we’re both of the Mommies.” (because there are only girls in the center playing at that time). Or, “Okay, I’m the Mom and you’re the Dad.” (even if there are still only girls in the center playing). Once they determine whose role they are playing, they go to the bin of dress up clothes. Whichever female is the Dad will find the boy clothes and wear them and not even think twice about it.

In the film Ma Vie En Rose, this really shows how much of a gender stereotype there is, even with young children! Ludovic knows that he is born a boy, but feels his most truest self as a girl. This film directly relates to children’s play and gender stereotyping where boys can play dress up but only if they are picking a masculine role and the same goes for the girls. Children’s play and gender stereotyping really should be discussed more often than it is. It is important, in a preschool setting, for the teachers to not interrupt when students are playing in the dramatic play center. Students determine what they’re going to play (9/10 it is house), then they determine who is playing what role, and then they go for the dress up bin to find their appropriate clothing for the role they are playing. Sometimes the boys will be told they’re playing the Mommy and they’re okay with it. Sometimes the girls will be told they’re playing the Daddy and they’re okay with it. Children are so excited to not only play house but also dress up. They know that they can choose whatever outfit they’d like. This often creates that safe environment for students who are struggling like Ludovic and know that it is not accepted at their home, but in their classroom it is. Other times, there aren’t any roles established between the students and some times the children just want to play dress up as they are playing in the center. It is important that the students have free-range about what type of dress up clothing they should wear. This allows the students to dress up and wear whatever clothes they choose. Children are very curious as this age and often have a lot of fun dressing up as the opposite sex. The opposite gender not only dresses up in the opposite gender clothing, but tries to talk, walk, and act like that opposite gender as well.

Work Cited

• Google – Photo
• Tobin, J. (2001). Childhood Sexuality after Freud: The Problem of Sex in Early Childhood Education, in Winer, J. A. & Anderson, J. W. (Eds.), The Annual of Psychoanalysis, 29, 179-98. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press
• Scotta C. (Producer), & Berliner, A. (Director). (1997). Ma vie en rose [Motion picture]. France. Distributed by Sony Pictures

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Asking kids: “Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Related to the topic of when to discuss sexuality and sexual health with children, is the pernicious habit adults have of asking very young children “do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?”

Lynn Messina wrote a great piece for the New York Times titled ‘Stop Asking if My 4-Year-Old Has a ‘Girlfriend’ in which she points out the absurdity of adults asking her 4-year-old son this question.

“At this age, there’s no difference in the way my son treats boys and girls. There’s no variation in the tenor of his laughter, no disparity in the force of his giddiness. There’s only the joy in being chased — around the playground, down the block, through the velvet curtains that line the black-box studio where we had his birthday party. He isn’t enacting an archetype that has existed for thousands of years. He’s simply being himself in the presence of his friends.”

This habit adults have adds a dimension of sexuality to children’s lives at a young age that is frankly, not needed, and I would argue harmful in that adults often use a heteronormative approach. That is, that young boys have “girlfriends” and young girls have “boyfriends.”

Sexuality, as the main exhibit and side exhibits have shown, has not only changed over time, but is constantly in flux and adults have the responsibility to give children a full picture rather than an antiquated one; 4-years old is not the time to do so. Conversely, decolonizing our minds and homes from a heteronormative and straight approach to sexuality empowers our children to make their own decisions surrounding sexuality at an appropriate time.

works cited:

Messina, L. (1456059643). Stop asking if my 4-year-old has a “girlfriend.” Motherlode Blog. https://archive.nytimes.com/parenting.blogs.nytimes.com/2016/02/21/stop-asking-if-my-4-year-old-has-a-girlfriend/CloseDeleteEdit

Sex-Ed Gender Separation: Good or Bad?

Picture yourself in elementary school, probably around 4th or 5th grade. Your teacher sends home a letter saying that you will be watching a sex ed video for the first time in class, and you will be viewing it with your peers, both boys and girls. Then the day comes, and for some reason, the boys are ushered into a separate room for the same video the girls will be watching. How do you feel (either as a boy or girl)? Is it fair the boys get to watch it in a separate room? Is it productive for gender equality within the classroom?

I presented this little hypothetical to you all because as I read about childhood sexuality after freud, it was mentioned how young girls tend to have interest in the differences of the opposite sex, notably that their genitalia allows for them to urinate while standing whereas a female must only sit. It was further explained that educators have a responsibility to teach sexuality in the sense that they mustn’t frame one gender as lesser than the other as it can often be misinterpreted as. The example provided within the reading was how a teacher responded to a young girl’s statement regarding boys standing to pee which the teacher replied, “Boys stand up and girls sit down.” This particular response may lead to gender insecurity as the young girls may become envious of their male counterparts and feel like they are not as “complete” or even so far as to claim “not as good” as their male peers. An easy way to help fix this is to ensure that figured girls look up to are also be used to compare male and female capabilities. For example, young girls often look up to their mothers, and so a better response to the child may be to acknowledge that “yes, boys do sit and girls done, but that’t not a bad thing because you know who also sits? Moms!”

I’d like to bring you all back to the beginning situation about sex-ed. Now that you’ve all seen how impactful gender security and understanding is for children, so you still feel separation is good or bad? Is separation allowing for equality? Food for thought!

works referenced:

Tobin, J. (2001). Childhood Sexuality after Freud: The Problem of Sex in Early Childhood Education, in Winer, J. A. & Anderson, J. W. (Eds.), The Annual of Psychoanalysis, 29, 179-98. Hillsdale, NJ: Analytic Press.

Discussions of Sexuality and Gender at School

One of the nation’s hottest topics in today’s climate is that of gender and sexuality in the school system. People on all sides of the political spectrum have strong beliefs and opinions about this. For example, you may have seen “Safe Space” signs in some schools (see below, accessed from Society6.com). On the other hand, many are vehemently opposed to discussion of sex and gender in school, including the mere existence of gender nonconforming students and teachers. While it is valuable to hear adult opinions on this matter, it’s more important to listen to youth voices about their own lived experiences.

The Gay, Lesbian, and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) released a report titled “Harsh Realities: The Experiences of Transgender Youth in Our Nation’s Schools” (GLSEN, 2009). In this report, they lay out clear quantitative evidence for discrimination against transgender youth. For example, 82% of the youth reported feeling unsafe at school due to their gender identity (p. 14).

The argument that transgender youth have no place at school, perhaps even that they deserve to have their rights stripped away as in frequent “bathroom bills” are a theory of childhood held by extremists that has real consequences for the children of our country. It is likely that each of us educators in this course have had contact with gender nonconforming students, whether we realized it or not. It’s important that we find a way to engage with a positive theory of childhood as it relates to self-expression and, most importantly, safety at school.

Works Cited:

Society6, Safe Space Poster for Teachers

Greytak, E. A., Kosciw, J. G., & Diaz, E. M. (2009). Harsh realities: The experiences of transgender youth in our nation’s schools. GLSEN.