I was a very introverted kid growing up. I had some fairly horrible self-image/paranoia problems from getting bullied, that just left me wanting to stay out of things, like joining different sports or after-school activities. It was something that I struggled with largely in both my elementary and middle school experiences. I just almost accepted the idea of living a life where I wasn’t going to have much self-confidence and pride in myself. We all get depressed in our middle school years (as those tend to be the most awkward), but I feel like I was a little bit of an extreme case.
That all changed when I decided to try out for the school district’s production of Shrek the Musical. I was very skeptical of it to begin with, the idea of even having to audition on a stage and sing in front of a few directors was intimidating by itself, but the possibility of singing in front of the community was even more terrifying. After being convinced to try out for the play (maybe a little bit of familial pressure as my mom was the President of the school’s music boosters), I walked over to the sign-up list and put my name up very hesitantly.
The day of the auditions came around, and I found out that we were going to be auditioning on the stage not just in front of the directors, but in front of everyone else auditioning. I wanted to back out, I wanted to quit. Everything inside me wanted to protect myself from the judgment that I had experienced that made me feel this way, but I decided to take a step out into the personal unknown. The audition ended up being way less intimidating than I thought, and I ended up securing a lead role for a school district musical in my 8th-grade year. I was very impressed with myself and grateful to my theatre director, Constance (we went by a first name because she’s such a great family friend), for all of her support and willingness to pull me out of my shell.
But the hardest part had yet to come. The actual performance. And the worst part, I was the lead in the opening scene. I can remember the moments before stepping onto the stage for the opening night really well. Of course, there was the pressure to perform well, not to let down the hardworking cast I had been a part of, but there was the ‘old Dawson’ begging for me to run off the stage. All this work I had made, was almost ended in a heartbeat, setting me right back to square one. I decided to push through the hesitation and walk out onto that stage, just as I had practiced so many times before.
I owe a lot of my built-up confidence to this moment, it was the first time that I had to literally, stop caring what everyone thought of me. I’m grateful that I was at a school that hired directors and teachers who could pour these important/needed skills into my life. I find it disheartening that the art programs in so many schools across the country (and especially in rural areas) are facing budget problems like never before. Our arts in education are integral to maintaining a well-versed society.
This was a really great blog, and it’s kind of funny because my old high school just did Shrek the Musical and I went to see it over Christmas break! Throughout high school I was also involved in theatre and a part of the crew building the sets. I remember the first time I auditioned, and it was only our directors, and it was definitely terrifying. However, I agree that after that I too stopped caring about what others thought of me and it helped me break out of my shell.
I love this blog!! I am so sad to hear about you getting bullied, but happy that having a role in the play was a full circle moment for your self confidence. Having to audition in front of your “competition” sounds so frightening, but it is great that you followed through with what you wanted to do and it all payed off. The arts program in my high school was facing extremely frustrating budget issues, which was super upsetting for those involved. I would go and support the plays and almost every time you could bet on the microphones giving out, a subpar set, or even issues with the lights. I think this issue definitely needs to get resolved and those involved with arts can feel appreciated because they are so important to keeping a well-rounded environment!
This blog entry is a great way of showing how you were able to step out of your comfort zone. It’s inspiring to see how participating in a school production not only helped the you overcome self-doubt and insecurity but also led to significant personal growth and confidence-building. It is important for people to realize that it doesn’t matter what others think, and thank you for sharing your story.
I had very similar experiences with musical involvement in my school, and I completely agree with your stance on the arts and the importance of involvement in them, as chorus was definitely a great way for me to grow my confidence and get more involved at school. I discussed a similar topic in my blog this week regarding the importance of creative classes and maintaining funding for them in public schools, so I completely agree with your take on this issue. I always enjoy reading your blogs, and I appreciate that you share your experiences of growth within them, and discuss how your experiences like theatre have helped you to become more confident.
I think your experience is such an inspiring story because not only were you able to get through the bullying that happened when you were younger, but you also found “yourself” through your experience. I am glad and grateful on how much theatre impacted your life for the better and I cannot agree more that the government should put more funding into art programs in our education system. I cannot wait to read more blogs from you.