In a study by the health department. it was found that Loneliness and social isolation increase the risk for premature death by 26% and 29% respectively. This stat is no joke seeing as there is an increase in isolation in our everyday lives wether it be due to our technology, social norms today, or our schooling. Loneliness can cause other damaging health effects which cost adults in the U.S. approximately 6.7 billion dollars in medicare. Loneliness rates are highest among university students, wether it be due to trouble in adjusting to college life, struggling in class, or being homesick, there are a number of factors that contribute to this increased rate of loneliness among college students. Surprisingly, the majority of the student population is not aware of the implications that severe loneliness can have. Loss of sleep, malnutrition, and an increased rate in drug use are all common among those who are lonely. Because of this it is up to us to educate the people on what loneliness is and how it affects the average student, but also we must determine how to eliminate it as a whole.
1. You don’t have a title but I’m sure you could come up with something good.
2. I think it responds to the exigence well, you highlight the many detrimental effects of loneliness and how it’s becoming a big issue.
3. I think your thesis is good. I think you could add in it whether or not you plan to talk about specific implementations whether it be through government or school systems yk.
4. You are using the problem, cause, solution structure. I think you could include more specificity on the kind of policy instruments you plan to talk about.
1. There is no title given but I would suggest after you figure out an actual policy you are looking to advance or implement use that in the title and the area in which you want to advance it, ex. a specific state or the U.S. as a whole.
2. I think the exigence is okay, you talk about loneliness in general as being a problem that everyone is aware of but don’t really go into detail or give statistics as to why this is important now more than ever. It would help to connect it to a recent study that came out about loneliness or about a specific recent moment or event that got you thinking about it in the first place.
3. The thesis does set up a clear argumentative claim, that being that there must be more education on what loneliness means in the current generations but doesn’t reference any specific policies or practices. It would be helpful to focus on one area that is more feasible, that being the education side rather than eliminating loneliness as a whole which is simply just not possible. The scope of the solution or advancement of a policy shouldn’t be sweeping. It’s hard to imagine how the rest of the argument will unfold as there is no specific policy or solution given to this problem.
4. I think that the organizational pattern would be a problem, cause, and solution. There are no policy instruments mentioned which is a big gap that needs to be filled.