In college, you are surrounded by new faces, new experiences, and new beginnings. From new living spaces, classes, extracurriculars, and part-time jobs you are thrust into new rich possibilities for blossoming relationships. At first, college is a bit overwhelming for everyone, but if you enjoy the quieter side of life or need alone time to recharge, it can be especially hard because of the college party prerogatives and the social atmosphere. However, this is probably the only time in your life where you will be surrounded by so many peers, potential friends, and relationships. Somewhere in the herd, you may find just the people you need. Before I go any further, let’s get a general understanding of what an introvert actually is. When you hear the word introvert, you may immediately think of someone who is very quiet or shy and prefers to be alone. While that is true for some introverts, whether you’re an introvert or an extrovert more so depends on how you process the world around you. Introversion itself isn’t a measurable personality trait but rather refers to low levels of extroversion and tends to have characteristics on the opposite spectrum. For example, an introverted person may do better in quiet environments, enjoy spending time alone, or show more reservation as opposed to enthusiasm in social settings. One of the ways to find out if you’re an introvert is to take a test like the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) or even the SAPA project.
Being Social As An Introvert
The hardest part about being an introvert in college is definitely the pressure to socialize. It can seem as if it’s one of the most important parts of college sometimes and portrayals of college life make it seem like people make friends super easily through NSO, the idea that you have to be best friends with your roommate, always going out on the weekends with big groups of people. The pressure to be social can be overwhelming for everyone, especially those more introverted. For me, social settings a lot of time can cause great anxiety, especially when I don’t know anyone. The negative connotations that come with being introverted are also tough and if you’re more reserved in social settings, you are seen as stuck up, and cold even if that’s not the case.
Friends and Social Life
Being more introverted myself I have found that the social aspect of college can be quite challenging. I think a big part of the challenge is the process of making friends and coming off as approachable. I think a lot of people assume introverts are quietly sitting there in judgment, which is up to us to correct but can be a bit frustrating when you want to meet people. I think extroverted people really have a big advantage due to the easy-going nature they give off when around others and how they seemingly to have no trouble attracting people. Something that has helped me with this is letting the people around me know I am open and available to make plans. Depending on your situation, it could be your roommate, your friends, or people you have just met. Whatever the case may be, letting them know you want to hang out with them doesn’t sound as needy as you make it seem in your head. Of course attending events, concerts, lectures, clubs, or even parties (yes, introverts may like to party) will put you in the atmosphere to make friends, and even if you want to go alone for the experience that is great too and you shouldn’t feel awkward for wanting to experience it with yourself. Attending events on campus is a great way to meet people but it’s also important to know your social limit. Maybe it is wise to plan on going to only one event for a couple of hours and if you start to feel drained, don’t feel pressure to stay out and home for alone time. Seeking out friends who prefer one on one hangouts as opposed to big group settings or making more relaxed plans rather than going to events is also helpful. I know it may seem like there are no introverts in college sometimes, but there are tons and you will eventually find your people.
Alone Time
Although socializing is a central part of creating healthy relationships and mental health, being surrounded by other students all the time can feel exhausting for an introverted person. It is important to plan out down time each day when you can be alone and recharge from the social aspect of college life. Whether you’re chilling in your dorm or the library, try to find a quiet space where you can spend an hour, or however long you need, for time by yourself. If your roommate is in your dorm and you need space, the library is a great place to get work done alone. If you just need space and you aren’t in the mood to socialize a good tip is to bring headphones. This is also really useful for your walks to class, eating alone, or just getting work done. Finding somewhere quiet where you can feel at peace is crucial and during the first few weeks of this semester, I personally was on a hunt to find quiet spots on campus and there are plenty of options.
At the end of the day, college can be tough for everyone and each person approaches it differently, no matter the personality. College can be isolating and overwhelming, but it is a great for new experiences and forming new relationships. While there are benefits and drawbacks on being an introvert in college, it is important to navigate through college pushing yourself out of your comfort zone while also setting your own boundaries. Don’t be embarrassed about being introverted in college and take care of yourself, after all we are all still figuring it out.
Hi, Alyssa! As an introvert myself, this post was really valuable! During high school, I found it hard to make the first move and ask my friends if they wanted to get together to hang out. But, in college, I’m starting to learn that, like you said, asking people to hang out isn’t as needy as we make it seem! In fact, chances are that the person you’re reaching out to is also looking for something to do. Although the social aspect of college can be difficult for introverts to adjust to, I think it can be a really valuable push out of our comfort zones–it has been for me!
I really like the approach you take to the dynamics of college, especially as someone who leans towards the introverted side. I think the last time I took the Meyers-Briggs test I was around 60% introverted to 40% extroverted, so some of the points you made about struggling to be approachable and social really hit home for me. One of the best ways I’ve found to socialize is to do a lot of clubs, because clubs narrow down the giant population of Penn State to maybe 50 or so people that share similar interests. I do Blue Band, Disc Golf Club, and Younglife every week, which allows me to meet people that share my love for music and disc golf and fellowship. That way, you can meet quality people that you already have common ground with, even if you are an introvert.
Like you, would consider myself more introverted. I definitely feel the pressures to socialize. I know for me, the first month of college had me feeling left behind and unincluded, until I realized that I am here for myself. If I don’t want to socialize, I shouldn’t be stressing myself out to do so. Instead, I should focus on something I actually want to do. You mentioning alone time resonates with me because I definitely need a lot of down time to recharge my social battery. Same thing with music. I’m almost constantly listening to music because it really helps sooth my brain and helps me block out others when I don’t feel like being in a noisy space.
As someone who can be introverted at times, I definitely understand how difficult it can be to be super social at college. For someone who came from a class that only had 190 graduating students, coming to such a large school such as Penn State is such a huge adjustment. After reading your blog post, I realized that it is totally ok to be alone at times. Eating, studying, and walking alone is totally normal! Just like you mentioned, listening to music is an outlet for me to relieve stress. It always helps me when I feel overwhelmed.