In the PSEL program, we are being asked to assess ourselves, and in some ways, it’s one of the most challenging parts of the program. Examining my “dark side” is always a little scary. And honestly, who wants to admit in “public” that maybe our teamwork/EI skills are maybe not what they should be. And that maybe on some days, you are not really sure you can handle customer call without at least an internal scream. I know I don’t.
However, I do in fact need to acknowledge that I am an introvert and that some parts of my job are not in my “wheelhouse” and really I may not ever want them to be. Truthfully, I have always known this, but in the past I would berate myself for this, resulting in a state where I get even crankier than I already was. I may become a better communicator, but I will always be a snarky introvert who asks questions not everyone wants to hear. Still, someone needs to be brave enough to ask them sometimes.
A new truth I am learning is that while I have to honestly acknowledge my mistakes, I have to be kind to myself as well so I can get to the place where I can be more accepting of life and behave better. A simple example was that I was having some pain after a fall, and the pain was definitely affecting my mood. I saw the “ripple effect” and was annoyed with myself, but then added a vow to take some pills when I got home. I also made sure that I got to the doctor so she could help me on a long term basis. In fact, I have been feeling better so that I am looking forward to walking around campus instead of dreading it. I can say that my mood is a little better as well, especially since I can get out of my cubicle more often!
This isn’t a perfect solution. I still need to get better about opening up and apologizing when I’ve been grumpy. But I was also amazed at how supportive the PSEL group was when we shared our EI challenges. Dealing with Emotional Intelligence is definitely not fun, but it is worth it.