PSEL: Be honest with yourself, but be kind too

In the PSEL program, we are being asked to assess ourselves, and in some ways, it’s one of the most challenging parts of the program. Examining my “dark side” is always a little scary. And honestly, who wants to admit in “public” that maybe our teamwork/EI skills are maybe not what they should be. And that maybe on some days, you are not really sure you can handle customer call without at least an internal scream. I know I don’t.

However, I do in fact need to acknowledge that I am an introvert and that some parts of my job are not in my “wheelhouse” and really I may not ever want them to be. Truthfully, I have always known this, but in the past I would berate myself for this, resulting in a state where I get even crankier than I already was. I may become a better communicator, but I will always be a snarky introvert who asks questions not everyone wants to hear. Still, someone needs to be brave enough to ask them sometimes.

A new truth I am learning is that while I have to honestly acknowledge my mistakes, I have to be kind to myself as well so I can get to the place where I can be more accepting of life and behave better. A simple example was that I was having some pain after a fall, and the pain was definitely affecting my mood. I saw the “ripple effect” and was annoyed with myself, but then added a vow to take some pills when I got home. I also made sure that I got to the doctor so she could help me on a long term basis. In fact, I have been feeling better so that I am looking forward to walking around campus instead of dreading it. I can say that my mood is a little better as well, especially since I can get out of my cubicle more often!

This isn’t a perfect solution. I still need to get better about opening up and apologizing when I’ve been grumpy. But I was also amazed at how supportive the PSEL group was when we shared our EI challenges. Dealing with Emotional Intelligence is definitely not fun, but it is worth it.

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