As the title may suggest, my guitar education took a stressful turn since the week prior to thanksgiving. Previously, I had thought that unlike my other classes, my guitar studio class would be graded solely on my participation and attendance, and that the grading was totally subjective and basically done according to the instructors various whim’s. Apparently, I was wrong. There is a final exam, and it sounds terrifying.
I showed up to my lesson a few minutes early on the Wednesday before break, and sat down with my professor and chatted as we tuned our guitars and readied our sheet music. Our conversation was casual as usual, mostly about guitar with the occasional reference to the weather or sports. The conversation took a sudden turn when he asked me if their was an ideal time for me to schedule my “jury”. This puzzled me, as I thought that might have been referring to some pending charges that I have against me, and had somehow found out about it prior to even my parents. I looked at him with slight concern, and asked him how he knew about it. He immediately became confused, so I promptly shut my big mouth and asked for him to explain himself. It was then that I learned of what I believe to be a very terrifying idea.
Apparently, a “jury” in music terms, is an event in which a player performs their repetuar for a panel of professors, who will then grade the performance on memory, musicianship, professionalism and so fourth. For the final exam, each of the eight students in the guitar studio must perform for a jury of tenured Penn State professors. The jury, along with our attendance and progress, will determine our final grade in the class.
This is horrifying for very obvious reasons. First of all, performing is scary in general- period. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when I played for a room full of around 200 of my schoolmates. I played my state piece, and it was very well received, but I was shaking so hard from the anxiety of everyone in the dark room being able to see me that I messed up one section each time that I played it. While I highly doubt that anybody noticed, I was personally devastated and did not want to come to school the next day.
Another time in which my performance anxiety became a problem was at the state competition a couple of months later. I had already done very well at regions, as I had played for a UTSA cello professor who likely gave me the highest rating solely on the basis that I could make beautiful noise without the use of a bowstring. This time, it was a little different, as I was being judged by Grammy winning composer and guitarist Matthew Dunne, who is likely the most respected classical guitarist in Texas. Against my best efforts, I was once again shaking, and got the median score of three, the equivalent to a C in music competitions.
This upcoming jury will provide an opportunity for me to redeem my performing ability, which is a must, considering that it will effect my GPA. Until then, I will likely be practicing over an hour a day.
Eli it sounds like you’ve got a lot on your plate. Make sure to take your time and practice it for the love of the music, not the ambition of a grade. You don’t want this to make you hate music, just sharpen your prowess. Being in the musical all four years of high school I understand stage fright and offer one piece of advice: practice as if you are playing in the room facing the judges so when the time comes, while you will still be nervous, the crystallized memory and muscle memory will be on your side. I know you’ve done countless performances and probably don’t need any advice, I just thought I’d offer a personal remedy which was effective for myself. Well written and I wish you the best of luck with your final!!
I know the exact feeling you’re talking about when it comes to performance anxiety. Every time I had to perform solo I would always get shook up and it would always end in tears. In my senior year of high school, I had to do a jury for my one music class where I had to compile about 5 pieces both singing and playing the tuba to perform. I cannot tell you how afraid I was, but what kept me going was the memory of actually making that music when I was alone. I know grades are important but I just stopped focusing on that and decided to just feel the music. It’s easier said than done, but I believe in you buddy! Good Luck!!!
Well for starters that does sound terrifying but I’m sure with practice you will do great on your final! I cannot necessarily speak from experience but I am deathly afraid of public speaking and this class has slowly allowed me to vanquish my fears. So just remember those professors were young inspired musicians at one point in time. Good Luck!