The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 3, Theme 3.4 Progression and regression
“Think of a situation that you have encountered recently where you struggled to engage with learning from the experience. Describe the situation and evaluate it, to find out why you did not learn from this experience. Does any of this resonate with Illeris’ (2014) reasons? Are there any other reasons you can add which are particular to your situation?”
Parenting.
Though this blog is primarily devoted to professional reflection, I cannot help but connect this post to my personal experience as a parent. I feel as though I often have the Groundhog Day experience. Why do I keep struggling with this? What am I doing wrong? Do other parents struggle with the same issues/questions? Am I being unreasonable? Why does this always happen? When will they finally get it? Or…when will I?
These questions accompany another life philosophy that I hold dear. It is my belief that the challenges in our lives are there to help us learn something new about ourselves and to evolve as human beings.
Evolve or repeat.
So, when I feel as though I continually come up against the same challenges, I believe that there is a lesson in that – something that I am not quite understanding, something elusive that I have not quite learned.
Illeris argues that this “failing to learn” can happen when “we feel that the demands on us are too heavy and, as a result, we find it too difficult to let go of how we see things at the moment. We experience lots of uncertainty and doubt about our capabilities and might feel unable to cope with what is being asked of us.”
The demands of parenting are, at times, very heavy – especially single parenting while sheltering in place during a pandemic. It is very tempting in those challenging moments to throw up your hands and cry uncle! It’s too much! Uncertainty and doubt in ourselves as parents is rampant – especially when that uncertainty and doubt pervade most of our waking moments as human beings. I definitely have felt unable to cope with whatever it is I am supposed to be learning at that moment. It’s far easier to question my children’s choices than it is to take a step back and really engage in the critical thinking required to examine what is going on from all sides (including my own assumptions and contributions) and consider how the situation is actually an opportunity to reframe my thinking and evolve as a human.
And so I FAIL.
But I don’t quit. Eventually, it happens. I give myself the time and space I need to reflect and see things from a fresh perspective.
And I try again.
I learn.
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Illeris, K. (2014). Transformative learning and identity. Abingdon: Routledge.