One word to describe today is ‘edgy.’
I feel off. I don’t feel right. In my body, it feels like a tightness in my chest and the tense elevation of my shoulders. I have incorporated more ‘body scans’ as a result of my mindfulness and yoga work. I am slowly, when I remember, getting better at cultivating an awareness of where tension or tightness resides in my body. At various check-ins throughout today, I have noticed these “pressure points.”
Emotionally, I feel like I need to clamp down on my reactions so that I don’t overreact or visibly seem irritated by little things like the dog barking or other humans annoying me. 🙂
The feeling is not comfortable. But I know that I need to own it – discomfort and all – feel it, allow it, investigate it, describe it – which is what I am doing right here.
What has brought this on? Who knows? Probably many things!
I am someone who likes to cross tasks off of lists. But today has been a day for more nebulous, less clearly-defined tasks: researching documentation, reflecting on recommendations, making edits to a paper as part of an ongoing process. And those less clearly delineated tasks are taking place in a less clearly delineated work environment (my kitchen) in a time that is entirely unable to be delineated in light of the global pandemic.
My conversations with adults nearly all revolve (at some point) around speculation about what our future (school, employment, travel, family, social lives) will look like. I am finding it all anxiety-inducing and emotionally exhausting. And to what end? We can’t predict the future. Why do we (me included) spend so much time worrying about it and trying to predict and/or control it?
Deep breath… Long exhale…
Though Grammarly is giving me the little sad-face icon to indicate that my writing tone sounds “gloomy,” I am oddly feeling better. Somehow having this free space to “vent” and share what is stuck in my head at this very moment has freed up some of that tension in my shoulders and tightness in my heart. What better objective could there be, for our writing, than to have a release, gain a better understanding of self, and move toward a more comfortable emotional space?
Win-win-win.
I am starting to feel trapped!
I began this exercise as a way to explore the literature on reflective practice. At first, it felt likely a healthy creative outlet. I was learning new things. and thinking and writing creatively about my work in a digital format that allowed me to be expressive and learn new skills.
But now it’s feeling formulaic.
I am finding the prompts to be limiting. What if that prompt is not resonating with me at the moment? Right now I am feeling more like a child being given rigid writing assignments that I don’t want to do than a creative professional exploring reflection and getting creative.
Boo.
So, I am going to rethink this writing space. I think that I need to be present with what I am feeling, and move forward in a way that feels good. I am not sure yet what that will be, but I am ready to explore and find out.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 4, Theme 4.5 Professionalism as artistry
“Describe a time recently when you were very conscious that you had to reflect-in-action or ‘think on your feet.’ How easy or difficult was this at this time ? Describe it as a series of steps and then focus on the changes in your thinking and the strategies you were focusing on at the time. How did this help you build your tacit knowing-in-action?”
I think on my feet all of the time.
It is the nature of my job. When I am consulting with faculty individually or leading a professional development session, I am constantly in the process of listening to faculty questions and concerns, evaluating possible responses, considering best practices, and making recommendations in light of the personalities and politics involved.
There are almost no simple answers.
These moments (as well as countless others) are best served by my mindfulness practice. I believe that responding mindfully is absolutely key to being present with the wide variety of demands that I face professionally. Mindfulness requires an awareness of the present moment, first and foremost. But it also involves a commitment to non-judgmental awareness.
The professionals I most admire are the ones who can think on their feet mindfully. We have all experienced colleagues/teachers/mentors/leaders at some time or another (I hope) who exemplify this type of mindful leadership response. No matter the demands or the pressures, they remain present in the moment with a non-judgemental response.
If we allow ourselves to get caught up in our own egoic response – feeling attacked, mistrusted, or even lauded – how can we stay focused on the task and needs at hand and respond in an objective and constructive way?
I don’t think we can.
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Schon, D. A. (1983). The reflective practitioner. Aldershot: Ashgate.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 3, Theme 3.4 Progression and regression
“Think of a situation that you have encountered recently where you struggled to engage with learning from the experience. Describe the situation and evaluate it, to find out why you did not learn from this experience. Does any of this resonate with Illeris’ (2014) reasons? Are there any other reasons you can add which are particular to your situation?”
Parenting.
Though this blog is primarily devoted to professional reflection, I cannot help but connect this post to my personal experience as a parent. I feel as though I often have the Groundhog Day experience. Why do I keep struggling with this? What am I doing wrong? Do other parents struggle with the same issues/questions? Am I being unreasonable? Why does this always happen? When will they finally get it? Or…when will I?
These questions accompany another life philosophy that I hold dear. It is my belief that the challenges in our lives are there to help us learn something new about ourselves and to evolve as human beings.
Evolve or repeat.
So, when I feel as though I continually come up against the same challenges, I believe that there is a lesson in that – something that I am not quite understanding, something elusive that I have not quite learned.
Illeris argues that this “failing to learn” can happen when “we feel that the demands on us are too heavy and, as a result, we find it too difficult to let go of how we see things at the moment. We experience lots of uncertainty and doubt about our capabilities and might feel unable to cope with what is being asked of us.”
The demands of parenting are, at times, very heavy – especially single parenting while sheltering in place during a pandemic. It is very tempting in those challenging moments to throw up your hands and cry uncle! It’s too much! Uncertainty and doubt in ourselves as parents is rampant – especially when that uncertainty and doubt pervade most of our waking moments as human beings. I definitely have felt unable to cope with whatever it is I am supposed to be learning at that moment. It’s far easier to question my children’s choices than it is to take a step back and really engage in the critical thinking required to examine what is going on from all sides (including my own assumptions and contributions) and consider how the situation is actually an opportunity to reframe my thinking and evolve as a human.
And so I FAIL.
But I don’t quit. Eventually, it happens. I give myself the time and space I need to reflect and see things from a fresh perspective.
And I try again.
I learn.
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Illeris, K. (2014). Transformative learning and identity. Abingdon: Routledge.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 3, Theme 3.5 Problematic experiences, or positive ones?
“Choose one of the learning cycles discussed in this section. Now try applying it to an incident that has happened recently as part of your work or training. How useful was the model? How would you describe its strengths and weaknesses as a means of beginning to evaluate your professional practice?”
That photo says it all. Here’s my reflection based on Ghaye’s strengths-based model…
…..
Right now, I feel that I (and my team) have been successfully meeting the immediate needs of faculty who have had to quickly pivot to remote teaching online. I have been able to provide expertise via both one-on-one consulting and professional development sessions designed around relevant topics. Faculty have needed just-in-time information around Canvas and Zoom, in particular, including both the technical know-how and the pedagogical affordances of using these, as well as other, tools. I appreciate that faculty are hungry for the knowledge and that I have the skills to be able to share it.
However, it is as if we have just opened the doors to a brand new space. Online teaching is like a big, unfamiliar building. Many faculty just entering this new environment don’t have the full lay of the land yet. They have taken a few steps inside and gotten a cursory overview of the space. But we all know that there is so much left to explore. What I am thinking about a lot, is how do we continue to leverage that initial interest, to encourage faculty to take a walk around, try out some of the furniture, and maybe (hopefully) even do some redesigning?
I think that I can achieve this by continuing to nurture newfound relationships. I have met and worked with many new (to me) faculty in my college over the last couple of months. Most were feeling insecure and unsure about how to continue to do their jobs in our new reality of remote work. My colleagues and I have been knowledgeable resources with the experience and expertise to help guide them.
This dynamic reminds me of a book I am currently reading by Myla and Jon Kabat-Zinn, entitled Everyday Blessings: The Inner Work of Mindful Parenting. The authors talk about three foundations of mindful parenting: sovereignty, empathy, and acceptance. In thinking about these concepts, I can’t help but reflect on how we all look for these three things throughout our lives – well beyond the parent-child relationship. I think that honoring and building up those foundations of sovereignty, empathy, and acceptance in my professional relationships is the key to mindful and meaningful work and, in this case, may also help encourage faculty to forge ahead on their journey into this brave new world.
…..
I definitely tend to be a glass-half-full kind of person. Regardless of the situation, I tend to find myself looking for the silver lining. I believe strongly that there are lessons in everything that happens in our lives. I also tend to diminish my own accomplishments/talents/successes. Therefore, I do think that Ghaye’s model of focusing on successes works well for me. It resonates with my world-view. I’m going with it!
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Ghaye, T. (2011). Teaching and learning through reflective practice: A practical guide for positive action. Abingdon: Routledge.
Kabat-Zinn, M., and J. (1997). Everyday blessings: The inner work of mindful parenting. New York: Hyperion.
Osterman, K.F., and Kottkamp, R.B. (2004). Reflective practice for educators, 2nd ed. Thousand Oaks, CA: Corwin Press.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 2, Theme 2.5 A structure for reflective writing
“Now try using Knott and Scragg’s (2013) structure for reflective writing. Focus on a concern you have at the moment in relation to your learning and development. Write something in response to each of the prompt questions. Once you have done this, again think about your response to this exercise (see the questions in the previous activity). Which of the two methods do you prefer? What are the reasons for your preference?”
Lately, I have been thinking a lot about ways to make meaningful contributions to the instructional design community – both here at Penn State and more broadly, as I think about attending professional development opportunities sponsored by other organizations.
I guess I am questioning the value, knowledge, and gifts that I have to offer other professionals who share my professional interests.
I think that this question reveals a few assumptions. On the one hand, I am assuming that I have some sort of obligation – either perceived or real – to contribute to my professional community. There also seems to be an assumption that there is a “magic formula” or topic that will resonate with other designers and fill some professional void.
The fact that I am questioning what I have to offer may reveal some insecurities I have about myself as a professional. I feel that I have always – as a person and as a professional – looked outwardly to other examples of people in my role and measured myself against those external standards.
Even though I struggle with this insecurity, intellectually I strongly believe that the world is a much richer place when we each offer our authentic selves to the world – not some version of ourselves that we feel “matches” standards set by other people. I think that I need to really spend some time reflecting (!) on the uniqueness that is me, and consider how that translates into an offering to other professionals.
I think that this reflection exercise is a great start. Sitting down and forcing myself to reflect and write about what is running through my mind is a very valuable exercise in that it encourages me to confront assumptions and beliefs that are a hindrance.
I am really hoping that at times I encounter self-doubt, I can retreat to reflective practice to consider any limiting beliefs that may be getting in the way. My journey through this book and this blog is designed in the hopes that it will give me some more tools to reframe and reflect.
On the one hand, this exercise revealed some insecurities. But it also illuminated one of my strengths which is a strong desire to reflect and grow from the experience. I love to think deeply about what is happening in my outer and inner worlds and reflect on the meaning that holds for personal growth. That is a practice that will serve me well in facing personal and professional challenges.
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Knott, C., and Scragg, T. (2013). Reflective practice in social work, 3rd ed. London: Learning Matters/SAGE Publications, Ltd.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 2, Theme 2.4 Reflective writing – how do I start?
“Now try doing one of Bolton’s (2010) ‘six minute writes.’ Be sure to time yourself and to write freely. What are your reactions to this? For example, was it easier than you thought? Too short a time or too long? And so on. Now check your writing against the two lists of points made in Theme 2.1. Does your writing fulfill the criteria for being described as reflective?”
OK, here we go. I am sitting on the couch in the middle of coronavirus quarantine. Frank (my dog) is nestled right by my side unless he sees or hears something outside that he feels compelled to watch and bark at. It’s cozy, but he likes to squeeze in, so I don’t really have full use of my left arm (at least I am right-handed :). Evan, my older son, is currently down the hall in his room practicing the trumpet. The music is beautiful, but also quite strident. We’ll see how that affects the tone of my writing. 🙂 I also may be interrupted at any moment by Evan or my younger son, Andrew, as both are quarantining at home with me doing remote school. We’ve all been doing remote school for some time now – I think this is week 7. Today is the first day that I have been back to my blog. When I looked back over the dates of previous entries, I can see that I stopped writing here at the end of February/early March. That is right around the time when our world changed forever. I headed off to a Spring Break mini-vacation with my sons in early March. By Wednesday, March 11th, Penn State and institutions around the country were making the move to emergency remote learning in the wake of the coronavirus epidemic.
OK, that was enjoyable, in the sense that I could literally just sit down and write whatever was in my head. I really enjoyed that experience. It felt very liberating, which is a nice change in our locked-down, quarantined state. 🙂 I will say that six minutes went by extremely quickly. I was surprised to hear the timer going off. I was just getting into my thoughts, and I could have easily continued.
I do think that the writing I did met the criteria for reflective writing in the following ways:
In addition, reflective writing is not:
Looking back at my writing, it may have been more of a description than anything. Had I continued, I think I would have gotten into more of my reactions to the current situation. But in 6 minutes, that’s what I got!
“Now try…moving on to Stage 2 (Bolton, 2010) by writing a story of a recent experience you have had. If this does not come easily to you, imagine you are talking to a friend at the end of a busy day and what you would say. When you finish writing, think about what you feel you have learned from this.”
For the last six weeks, I have woken up every day, gotten dressed, eaten breakfast, and commuted the 10 seconds it takes to walk to my kitchen table and turn on my laptop computer. All person-to-person interactions have taken place online – in Zoom, Slack, or email. The only human beings I have shared a physical space with have been members of my family and the few masked strangers I have encountered on limited excursions outside to obtain food or needed household items. Despite that potential barrier to interaction and the development of new relationships, I have actually gotten to know many members of the Smeal community with whom I had not had previous interaction. This was expanded even further on Friday afternoon. On Friday, our college unveiled a new Microsoft team dedicated to communication around a host of less formal topics. The idea is to provide community gathering spaces around a variety of topics of community interest. By the end of the day on Friday, I had shared a photo of my dog wearing sunglasses, as well as two recipes. I “liked,” “loved,” and commented on many other people’s posts as well. I found that I was having interactions that were novel – with people I had not spoken to before in person, and around topics that I had not discussed before with colleagues. I enjoyed the new connections. What I will find interesting is seeing how these connections made in virtual space may translate to a return to face-to-face interactions. Do we bring different personas to the online world than to the physical one? Do those connections make the “jump?”
Writing from a story-based vantage point felt very comfortable. I don’t know if my “story” followed typical story elements. But I wrote from a first-person, anecdotal voice. We are constantly telling ourselves stories. Taking those thoughts, ideas, and reactions that live in our heads and transferring them to something more tangible is very effective for self-examination!
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Bolton, G. (2010). Reflective practice: Writing and professional development, 3rd ed. London: SAGE Publications, Ltd.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 1, Theme 1.5 Learning Styles.
“Think about your learning styles (Honey and Mumford, 2000). Which are your preferred styles? Which ones do you feel you need to develop?”
Who am I?
Learners are multi-dimensional beings. As humans, we have so many characteristics, preferences, and idiosyncrasies that it is impossible to pigeonhole. So, when I reflect on my own preferences, I can see shades of myself in each dimension (almost).
Activist?
There are seasons of life when I embody the activist. When I am starting to learn about something new, I am really enthusiastic and motivated to dig in. I tend to jump in with both feet, looking for any helpful resource I can find.
Reflector?
This is likely my comfort zone. I sometimes describe myself as a “post-processor.” In a meeting or learning experience, I may struggle to fully form my thoughts and find my words. But I love to take time beyond the experience to reflect and explore without the pressure of needing to come up with immediate feedback.
Theorist?
Not so much. While I admire others’ analytical skills and rational organization, those areas are not my strong suits. Perhaps this is an area of needed growth…
Pragmatist?
Sometimes. I attend conferences with a pragmatic learning approach. My preferred sessions are those that I can leave with specific solutions I can apply in my work immediately.
Conclusions?
I am a little bit (or a lot) of each of these. I think it would be informative and enriching to focus on each of these areas. Could I approach my next project with an awareness of these dimensions? Bring a little more theorist to my work/learning and rely a little less on the reflector? I’d like to try.
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Honey, P. & Mumford, A. (2000). The learning styles questionnaire: 80-item version. Maidenhead: Peter Honey Publications.
The following question is from The Reflective Journal by Barbara Bassot, Part 1, Theme 1.4 Time Management.
“Think about how you manage your time at the moment. Which areas do you feel you need to work on?”
To riff on Forrest Gump: Time management is like a box of chocolates. Seriously, go with me, here…
As a child, I would look forward to diving into the Russell Stover box of assorted chocolates which a family friend frequently brought to holiday and birthday gatherings. My approach to eating the box of chocolates? I would use the map to locate my favorite candies: chocolate buttercream, strawberry cream, and coconut cluster. An hour or two later, I would revisit the box and see if any of my second-tier favorites were still available: maple nut butter, vanilla cream, or caramel, anyone? And, finally, there were the chocolates that I might never eat at all, even by the end of the gathering: molasses chews, fruit and nut caramel, and orange cream. Ewwww.
I find time management has a lot in common with that candy box from childhood. It’s easy to dive in and devour those tasks that are the most palatable: the ones that are quick, easy, neat, and satisfying to complete. But not everything is that simple. There is a lot that falls on our plates that requires much greater cognitive overhead. The less appealing jobs that require more time, planning, politics navigation, and ambiguous solutions are the ones that I tend to “leave in the box” far longer.
I am realizing that there are a variety of methods I use to avoid diving into those tasks: distraction, procrastination, and organization are three of my personal favorites. I can always find some other idea to explore (distraction); focus on something else that needs to be done first (procrastination); or organize/reorganize my to-do lists (organization) in the hopes of feeling more accomplished.
This, then, is the area I want to work on. How can I motivate myself to prioritize the less-palatable jobs and remain focused on them? Do I need smaller sub-goals? Do I need to reward myself for working on those jobs? Do I need a different approach to task management to ensure more evenly distributed time? Do I need to shift my attitude or perspective?
These are the questions I hope to continue to explore in the coming weeks. Maybe I should get a box of those Russell Stover candies to inspire my thinking…
🙂
Bassot, B. (2016). The reflective journal. Palgrave Macmillan.
Groom, W. (1986). Forrest Gump. Doubleday.