It was April of my seventh-grade year, and the rain had caused our recess to take place indoors. My friend, let’s call her “Kay”, and I sat on the bright blue bleachers that adorn my school’s gym and were skimming through a book she just got. We spent at most 5 minutes in this tranquil state before interruption. A mousy little kid snatched it out of Kay’s hands, ripping the cover in the process. The kid, let’s name him “Sam,” was hellbent on being an asshole to me and every one of my associates. He was quite short however, and was afflicted by “Napoleonic syndrome” which is why he’s so consistent with the absolute hell he reigned on me between the ages of 12 and 14. Anyways, Kay got mad, real mad. Though she’d often lash out verbally due to her Asperger’s, she was always a peaceful person. But Kay was fed up. Fed up of all the taunting, threats, insults, and how those made her feel. And as Sam held the torn book up like a trophy, she charged him. She didn’t hit him right away, Kay let Sam have a moment of regret which never came. To this day I don’t know exactly what Sam said in that moment, but it made Kay angry enough to punch him. The blow wasn’t hard, and landed right on his stomach. He didn’t keel over in pain until minutes later, when he promised Kay that she’d get in trouble for what she did. Kay was taken to the principal’s office, and later that day she was packing up her desk. She had a history of behavioral incidences in school, though none were physical, so the school sent her to stay in a psychiatric facility for a few weeks, and made her complete the rest of her eighth-grade year at home, because Kay’s Asperger’s was apparently a threat to our little private school. Sam wasn’t even talked to.
Weeks passed, and I finally went to see Kay at her house. Kay testified that she was put into a facility with a girl who stabbed someone with a knife, and other serious cases. The school had roped her in with these violent children because they refused to actually help her, and instead, focused on maintaining their reputation and pleasing suburban parents. See, Sam’s parents gave a lot of money to the school, so he usually got off scot-free for such behavior when he was caught. Sam was sneaky, and knew exactly how to get the reactions he wanted from people, especially me. I had difficulty controlling my emotions, and outbursts as a result of Sam began to land me in the principal’s office at least once a week. I remember being told to shrug off the constant tormenting from Sam and his friends, and that Sam just has a crush on me. If he really did like me, then why would he tear down my every attribute, and make me hate every single thing about myself.
My school then secretly targeted me in order to sweep their bullying problem under the rug. They would claim that the best way to protect me from Sam was to eat lunch alone in the office, while Sam got to socialize with his friends and eat lunch wherever he pleased. I was isolated, for it was already known that I had ADHD. They saw my ADHD as a problem, and the cause for Sam’s behavior, but they never blamed him and he didn’t stop until after our eighth-grade graduation.
It is a known fact that children with developmental and learning disabilities are more likely to be targeted at school, yet how bullying is addressed in the classroom does not sufficiently protect neurodivergent children. See, most major bullying laws are incredibly complex, and force all examinations of bullying to be done on factors like behavioral history, which includes past history with discipline, emotional outbursts, psychologist input, and basic behavioral issues. See, most schools, especially private schools, themselves never report bullying incidences to any sort of authority as 1. it takes a lot of effort to even do so and 2. they don’t want to tarnish their reputation. But they still examine bullying situations with these characteristics, which often leads to neurodivergent children being labelled as the aggressors, or those who are more likely to respond to said bullying. Also, neurodivergent children are more emotionally sensitive, thus they may view what the school believes is “just teasing,” as something incredibly hurtful.
Therefore, schools should take a wholly neutral stance on any bullying situations until they understand both sides of the incident. It is also important to disregard one’s neurodivergence in figuring out who is the victim and who is the aggressor, and employ proper practices in order to efficiently and kindly show support to both sides, while disciplining the aggressor according to clear guidelines. It’s also important to instruct teachers on how to respond to bullying, especially when a neurodivergent student is involved in order to get a better understanding of the situation. Finally, all students should be educated on proper behavior, and presented with clear rules from the school.
Protecting neurodivergent children starts by not profiling them by their disability, and instead disregard bias in order to effectively tackle bullying.
Source:
https://www.understood.org/articles/en/bullying-laws
Gosh the stories you told made me so sad! It’s so important to have resources for all children at school and to care for each of their specific needs in the way that helps them most. Having an unbiased approach and response to bullying is very important.
What happened to your friend was awful and should not be allowed in any school system. It is true that many “bullies” target those they know they will get a reaction out of yet are often the ones not getting in trouble. This is a topic that should be discussed more, rather than the repetitive “don’t bully” or “don’t be a bystander” messages.
I am so sorry that happened to your and your friend. this should absolutely not be tolerated in any school system. While I have never gone anything quite like what you and “kay” have, I sympathize with you and am truly horrified that a school would choose to send a student to a facility because she was “dangerous”. I agree with Dan in that there needs to be a better way to teach kids how bullying really affects people, especially those who don’t have to power to defend themselves.
You told a very interesting story about the hardships you dealt with in school, especially a kid of special needs. It’s always interesting hearing these stories through your POV as it shows me the truth behind the trouble you had to deal with growing up, and maybe the trouble you still deal with.