Throughout Sheryl Sandberg’s speech, Sandberg talked about politeness, authenticity, and responsibility. Throughout her speech, I found myself largely agreeing with the importance of responsibility and authenticity. However, I heavily disagreed with her emphasis on the importance of politeness in conversation. She boiled it down to two key points that she learned from Fred Kaufman, “Authentic Communication… and ‘Being a Player not a Victim'”. While I agree that these two points are key to politeness in communication, I believe that those key factors are much more important than reducing them to politeness.
The definition of “polite” is focused on what’s socially correct and what hurts people’s feelings. The issue with Sanberg’s stance on politeness is that her key factors emphasize what’s necessary for a basic relationship and healthy operation and not solely what is kind or socially acceptable. While many people intend well when encouraging or promoting politeness, politeness is often weaponized to uphold harmful social structures. When faced with an extremely discriminatory and harmful history like the United States, Politeness justified black hairstyles, kept sexual harassment hushed, and reinforced inequality. The primary concern should not be on politeness but a secondary consideration after respect.
Instead of politeness, we should reinforce and teach respect. When focused on respect what’s righteous is prioritized over what’s socially correct. Those factors that Sandberg mentioned fit perfectly into respect much better than politeness because being an active and responsible person and communicating clearly are not actions that are taken out of kindness or social demand, but what is necessary for the operation and what is best for everyone involved. This ties much more into the core level of respect than extra politeness However, this is not to discredit the importance of politeness, because that extra consideration and care go a long way towards better communication and improved relationship.
Your connection of politeness and respect is very true. Being able to respect someone is equally important. If someone disagrees with you it may not be out of not being polite, but it is possible they respect you. They respect you enough to say that they have their own opinion. I think having relationships where people can agree to disagree are very healthy and strong relationships. Do you think agreeing to disagree is important as well?