One of the things I hate most about having severe food allergies is eating out. Specifically, I hate how hard it is for me to eat out. I hate how I cannot easily engage in one of the most popular social activities. I hate how I constantly have to prepare myself for a reaction that will leave me unable to function for the rest of my day. And I hate the stress that comes with all of these considerations.

You may be thinking, how hard can it truly be to find food? Well, for someone with an off-the-chart milk allergy, any restaurant that handles a lot of dairy tends to be unsafe. In the rare case that I find a restaurant dish without any of my allergens, cross contact is a colossal concern for me. This occurs when an allergen is inadvertently transferred to food that does not contain the allergen. In my case, even the tiniest trace of milk in my food can cause a life-threatening reaction.

Coming into college meant making new friends. This also meant confronting them about my problems with eating out. In particular, I recall strolling downtown on a lovely September evening with a new group of friends. It was around dinner time and everyone’s stomachs were rumbling from hunger. We paused along College Ave. to decide what restaurant would cater to everyone’s needs. It was then that I told them, “I have severe food allergies, so I’d be happy to come along with you guys wherever you decide to eat, but I most likely won’t be eating anything.” I was met with a rush of sympathy. Now, do not get me wrong. I appreciate the sympathy and it meant a lot that my new friends cared so much about including me. This, however, turned into guilt when they repeatedly asked me to find a place I could eat. Some people may not understand at this point, so let me reiterate. If I say that I will not be able to eat at a restaurant, that means I will not risk my own safety (and potentially my life) just to get some food in my body. I politely refused their offer to look at menus of places I knew would not meet my needs. This went on for a good five minutes until I told them flat out “We will never get around to eating if you take me into consideration, so, please, choose a place you all would like to go.”

To put the stress of this further into perspective, here is a condensed list of what runs through my mind every time I eat out:

• How am I going to tell my friends that I cannot eat out without disappointing them or making the situation awkward?
• I should do an internet search to see if there are any vegan or asian cuisine restaurants nearby, since those are the types of establishments that tend to be safest given the allergies I have.
• If we find a place, I should find the menu ahead of time.
• I must double check my bag to make sure I have benadryl and epipens with me.
• As per usual, there are only a few things on the menu that I can eat.
• Okay, be prepared. You will have to go through all of your allergies with the server. Make sure to speak clearly and ask if they can accommodate you without risk of cross contact.
• Once the food comes out, resist the temptation to dig in right away. You must take a small bite and sit for a few minutes to make sure you do not react. No matter how careful any kitchen is, there is always a chance I will get a reaction. Accidents can happen.
• Phew, I do not feel anything! I think I am safe today!

As is with any disability, those diagnosed with food allergies will understand the difficulties of living with their disability the best. I do not expect others to immediately understand the seriousness of cross contact. Everyone’s knowledge of allergies is different. Even those with mild allergies often do not understand how I must go about eating out. If by chance you go to eat out with a food allergy individual, be patient with them. Restaurants can be daunting territory, as silly as it sounds. Listening to their needs when finding a restaurant and respecting their words when they say no to a place or dish can make a huge difference in ensuring you both enjoy your meal.