This one’s a little serious (and cringy). So bear with me.

Here’s how this one’s going to work. I’m going to ask you a series of questions, and I want you to answer them honestly. You don’t have to tell anyone about these answers. Heck, you don’t even need to tell them the questions. But just be honest with yourself. Here we go:  

1. How many times a day to you truly credit yourself for doing a good job with something?  
2. How many times do you beat yourself up for making the tiniest mistake? Maybe like getting a 7/10 instead of a 10 on a test?  
3. How many days do you wake up, look in the mirror and just take a second to recognize yourself? 
4. How many times do you truly appreciate your reflection when you get the chance to? 

Asking yourself these questions is hard. It’s scary to admit feelings that aren’t all sunshine-and-rainbows. But this is what I want to say today: It’s okay. In the midst of our lives today, we find it difficult to love and appreciate ourselves. We let ourselves be defined by our GPA, or position in the student council; the number of people who swiped right on our profile on Tinder, or the heads that turned when we walk through the corridors. But let me tell you a secret (which really isn’t a secret because I know this is another one of the over-used phrases): none of these things define you. They DON’T matter. What does matter, however, is the way in which you treat yourself and look out for you.

So, here are a few poems from me to you; from you to you; and from you to others who feel this way. This is me, reminding you, that maybe just for a few minutes while you read this post, you should slow down and appreciate yourself.

[1] 

You do not need the love of others, to learn to love yourself.  

Learn that not everybody will want you.
Not everybody will crave to lay in the warmth between your arms,
or look in your eyes and say that they shine like the stars you can only imagine of touching.  

Not everybody is meant to love you, or call you beautiful, 
or remind you that even on the worst of days, your hair smells like the candy shop down the 6th street. 
Not everybody is meant to love you. Not everybody can afford to.  

So if there ever comes a moment like this again,
where you feel so empty that the tears have dried out,
or when all you want is somebody’s hand to hold,
Erase the pictures.
Do not romanticize it.
Maybe your life won’t end with a happily-ever-after,
But you can make sure it ends with you recognizing the completeness in you again.  

But why is this sense of self-worth and self-confidence important? The answer is scientific. A study by Bandura in 1986 showed that self-confidence is a strong motivational source and regulator of an individual’s behaviour in their everyday lives (Bandura, 1986). What does this mean? In some capacity, this means that the way you treat yourself drives the way your environment treats you. A positive self-image means that you’ll have a more positive outlook on life and the confidence to achieve your goals. You start seeing things from a healthier perspective, you notice yourself becoming happier and more content with who you are, and that’s when you give yourself a shot at change and start growing as an individual.

[2] 

Change.
Seek change.
By change I don’t mean:
Become a different person,
rethink your expectations,
Alter your beliefs.
No.
By change I mean:
Change up your hair.
If it’s long, cut it short.
If it’s short, let it grow.
And then,  

Colour it blue.
Or pink,
Or green,
Or yellow.
Colour it the shade of your happiness.
Change up your wardrobe.
Try on different clothes,
Try trends you were too shy to once try.
Wear colour.
Get rid of the monochrome in your closet.
Be bold.
By change I mean,  

Maybe try a new flavour of tea,
Or walk down a different street today,
Or watch a new movie:
Something that’s Black, White and Red.
Paint your room;
Talk to strangers.
Do anything,
that could bring you happiness.
Do anything,
to learn how to be yourself again.  

The question that then arises, is how do you achieve this? How do you treat yourself better? How do you respect yourself? Reflection. Have conversations with yourself. I’m not just saying that figuratively, I mean literally. Talk to yourself in the mirror. Ask yourself why you feel a certain way, or what it is that you truly want. When things get hard, remind yourself to not beat yourself up about it. Be kind to yourself. Think about who you want to be. Think about how you’ve changed.

[3] 

Remind yourself what you were like.
Remember the person you were
when you were 5
running around the poolside trying
to catch that pigeon.

Remember the times when your next door neighbour
just had a baby girl or bought the cutest puppy and
you spent all day at their place because
you didn’t have any work to stress about.

Remember the times when you woke up super early and
you got super excited so you
tried walking around the house on your tippy toes
so that you don’t wake your parents.
You felt bold, didn’t you? You felt like a rebel.

I think sometimes, life gets chaotic.
It gets hard, not because of the difficult moments,
But just because there’s so much to take in and process.
In these moments of chaos, it’s easy to forget who you are and
who you wanted to be. But remind yourself of who you were.

Is that version of you easy to love?
Are you ashamed of who you’ve become?  

Then take a step back,
Look into the mirror
And reevaluate.
Self-love isn’t easy.
It isn’t meant to be.
It’s hard work.
But it’s worth it.