(Anything is parentheses means I don’t know if I am including it)
I am lolled by the gentle rocking of the waves, the effect is calming, or at least, should be calming. But my heart is beating wildly, I can barely catch my breath, and my thoughts are swirling in my head as if caught in a hurricane of worries. My biggest fear for as long as I can remember is the unknown. The unseeable, the unknowable, the things beyond my comprehension and knowledge. The boogie man and monsters have never sent shivers down my spine, but rather the thought of the unknown. What will tomorrow bring? What does my future hold? And in that moment, preparing myself for my first SCUBA dive, I tried to prepare myself for what was to come. I craned my head over the side of the boat trying to catch a glimpse of the world hidden by the deceptively calm waves. I want to know what is to come, I NEED to know what to expect. And in that moment I don’t see the answers to all my fear driven questions, the only thing I see, is me, reflected on the cool blue waters of Panama. And right then, my heart slowed, to a slow, steady beat, I took a deep breathe, and my head was suddenly filled with erupt silence. Silence because I knew I would never be able to anticipate, I would never know the future, I would always be wondering what could happen, but these thoughts were no longer synonymous with fear. I took a breath and dove, into the waters and straight into the heart of my fears, and in that moment, I swear, I was fearless.
Beneath those waves I discovered a world filled with vibrant life and wonder. Seaweed seemed to sway in the breeze of the current, fish appeared to float mid-air, and each of those brightly colored fish opened my eyes to new possibilities. That’s when I took my first breath, when I realized that no fear would ever hold me back, because with that breath all of my fears dissolved and were replaced by the excitement of the new world I had yet to explore. (With that dive, I changed, and I learned that life is just like SCUBA diving, it’s a dive into an unknown world and you never know what is lying beneath each wave, unless you dive in and discover for yourself, because sometimes that’s when you discover yourself. ) On that dive, I came to believe, to believe that the unexpected, the moments never seen coming, is far more beautiful than the expected.