Final Post

So I guess this is my final post of the PSEL Program. As I reflect over my journey, it has been pretty interesting. I feel like I have grown and learned things about myself. I will admit, the four hour sessions were not always totally exciting for me. I usually max out around 4:00 and start thinking of ways to leave, but overall they have been helpful. We’ve got a great group of people who all seem kind, accepting, supportive, and willing to share. It’s been nice getting to know people from around the University.

I think my biggest takeaway was the emotional intelligence. Just the idea of being aware of how I act and how others perceive me. Little things like smiling or stopping to chat don’t always seem that critical to me, but I see that it can affect how others perceive me. I’ve also learned that I’m not usually a goal-oriented person, but I’ve been trying to change that. Since physical activity is one thing I love to do on a personal level, I’ve tried to create some goals for that. As you have read in my previous posts, that has been a bit of an ongoing roller coaster, but I’m continuing forward.

<not done – to be continued>

The Ups and the Downs

So I guess I’ll start with the ups of my journey, since they happened first. I blogged previously about my issues with setting goals and my personal goal to complete an Olympic-distance triathlon. The first triathlon went well (again, see previous post), and I’ve been feeling in the best shape of my life since college – and staying healthy, which isn’t really normal for me (I’ve had a bunch of injuries over the years, as do most runners). So I made two new goals: 1) I would complete one more triathlon this year, and 2) I am going to do a Half IRONMAN (HIM) in 2019. This is a very big goal and totally scary, but I wanted to do something big for my 40th.

First about my HIM. I looked at all the races. Some were in May when my older son is still in school. Some were in September, when both kids will be in school (my youngest will be starting kindergarten). Some were in Indiana in 100 degree July weather. Many had historically hot and humid runs, or wavy ocean swim, and I really only wanted to do this one race: IRONMAN 70.3 Mont Tremblant in Canada. The pictures look gorgeous. The race course is hard, but memorable and not too hot. It’s in late June when there’s no school. It seemed like the perfect choice, but it had sold out in hours when it opened several weeks before. The only way to get in was to do fundraising for the IRONMAN foundation. I think this is a good thing to do anyway – it gives back in diverse ways to communities where races take place – so I decide to take the plunge and I sign up. I’m committed to raising $1,750!! which is a little scary, but here we go! I’m doing this! I’m setting another goal. Woo!

So the end of August comes around and I sign up for that last triathlon with my friend. I am honestly not that excited about it, but am doing it for the experience. We head down the night before – just the two of us – and start the race at 8 the next morning. So the swim went well. I was actually the second or third woman, which is amazingly good for me! The bike was good except that I misread the course map and accidentally rode an extra mile and a half. The run was not what I was expecting. They said a mix of paved and crushed gravel, but it was a trail run. I twisted my ankle twice during the first loop and on the second loop I was feeling pretty good, so I tried to pick up the pace. I see two girls ahead and make a move to go around them. Shortly after, I find myself in severe pain as I’m skidding down a slope of large rocks and rough, big gravel. I gasp for air, in shock, and the two ladies help me up. I’m hyperventilating and trying not to cry, but the girl says, “Are you in the Olympic? You’re in the lead now. You got this. Go get it.” She later told me she knew my knee was bad and had to look away. I gasp for air, and start limping toward the finish line. I can see the astonished looks of other runners as I run by drenched in blood. I don’t look down. I just need to make it to the finish line where they’ve got medical help. I’m really not sure how, but those girls never passed me and I limped over the finish line. Faces greeting me for finishing change to horror and they notice that my shoes are purple from the blood, and I’m bleeding from both knees, my palms, my elbow, and my shoulder. The EMT’s threw a bandage over top and say I need to go to the ER immediately for stitches, so my friends throws our stuff in the car, and we head 30 minutes to the closest hospital.

I found out later that somehow I did actually win the race! Overall winner. Everyone thinks I have this great story and can’t believe I finished. I’m just trying to make it through the pain.

Several days later, I’m still sitting on the couch. My knee, which now has 17 stitches in it, makes me ill to look at and is still very painful. This is NOT what I was expecting. This is not what I was planning for. I can’t deny that this isn’t depressing. I am a doer. A fast walker. A spend every possible hour outside riding bikes and playing games with my kids kind of person. And all that progress I’ve made… gone. 🙁  It’s hard. I need to look back to my original post about goals, and remember the final tenet of making goals: FLEXIBILITY. Making it to that HIM next June is now going to be even harder! Rehab. Loss of mobility. Loss of muscle tone. Loss of aerobic function. Ugh. However, I’m still committed to doing it. It’s all part of the journey, I guess. Life gives you setbacks, but you can’t wallow. You can’t just complain. You have to do something about it. So I’m going to let this thing heal, and as soon as I’m able, I’m going to get back to it.

If you are so moved and would like to contribute to my fundraising campaign for the IRONMAN foundation, the website is here… https://www.crowdrise.com/o/en/campaign/2019-ironman-703-mont-tremblant/erinloy?

Thanks for listening. If you feel like providing any encouragement, I could probably use it!

 

Third Interview

So my third interview was with John Gondak, the Head Coach for the Cross Country and Track and Field programs at Penn State. This was sort of my ‘fun’ interview, as a coach is pretty much by definition a leader and running has always been my ‘thing.’ The interview took place in a conference room overlooking the impressive indoor track facility with large trophies around the room.

The most interesting thing I got out of this interview was the large emotion intelligence component of this job. Not only does he have to physically train an entire team – made of very different sports and each individual with different physical needs – but he needs to keep them mentally ready to complete. And remember, these are teenagers (or early 20s). They still have raging hormones and stresses, are learning, growing, and ‘finding themselves,’ so this is not an easy job. I never really thought about this aspect before, but emotional intelligence is especially important for a coach. Being a runner myself, I absolutely know that mental toughness is a critical part of performing well. In addition, the student-athlete component seems to be heavily stressed, so it is likewise important to make sure all athletes have good grades. I’ve decided that being a coach is very challenging. Interesting and rewarding stuff, but I think I’ll stick to my day job.

First two interviews

So my first two interviews were with two leaders from ARL. One is an Office Head (one of the highest manager positions at the lab) and another is now a Deputy Office Head. The interviews both went well and both were easy to talk to. One thing I noticed about both was the feeling that they cared about the people under them, and they felt some responsibility for them. The first sort of referred to his Office as similar to a family. He had to oversee them and make sure they were happy and had work to do. It was his responsibility to them. The second person made a similar point. The second also made a point about how important he felt goals were. Both were very supportive of work/life balance, which is a good thing. Overall, they were useful and interesting.

Goal Achieved!!

Earlier this year as part of my PSEL journey I realized that goals are not my thing – I’m not good at making them, I don’t like making them, and so I just generally just DON’T make them. Not concrete goals at least, just more wishy washy ‘do my best’ goals. So I decided to make a goal this year (not work-related) to train for and complete an Olympic distance triathlon. This is not a full ironman (many people seem to get confused), but it is still an event that takes the average person 3 hours to complete. It consist of a 1500km swim (just under a mile), a 25 mile bike, and a 10K (6.2 mile) run.

So this weekend was the big event – the New Jersey State Triathlon Olympic distance. There were over 1200 athletes competing, so it was kind of intense. I was a little overwhelmed going down for the swim. I had come so far – I was here – but holy crap now I actually had to do this thing. And my wetsuit – I had been convincing myself for the last two weeks that no wetsuit was a good thing, and then the day before the temperature was chilly and it rained like crazy, so wetsuits were allowed. I brought it, but I hadn’t mentally prepared for that! The music was blaring, I was trying not to get emotional, taking deep breaths. I get myself into the lake and put my face into the murky water. “You got this,” I think to myself. “Take deep breaths. Don’t get tears inside your goggles.” The announcer yells, “Get OUT of here!!”, and I start swimming with about 100 other people toward the first buoy. The swim was crazy. After the first turn, the crowd thinned out and I got myself in to my normal rhythm until I hit a bunch of red caps (the group that started 4 minutes before me). I somehow navigate around them and keep going. I remember seeing the 500 meter buoy – 1/3 of the way there! I make two more turns, then hit a really dense pack of red caps, but made it through on my way to the last turn buoy. The final swim toward shore seemed to take forever, but I made it. I hit my watch – 28 MINUTES!!! I had stated an official goal of 35 minutes but my ‘dream’ goal was 30. Woohoo! I was pumped. I tear off my wetsuit, throw on my bike gear, and head out of transition 1. The bike was equally crazy. USA Triathlon has rules about staying 3 bike lengths back and if you enter that zone, you have only 15 seconds to cross the plane of their front tire to pass so you don’t cheat by drafting. You also have to pass on the left. Sure, sounds reasonable, except with a two-loop bike course, there are over 1000 bikers in an 11 mile stretch. I am not trying to brag, but I definitely had to pass hundreds of people. My guesstimate would be 500. Additionally, it rained. I am sort of afraid of biking in the rain, but I tried to be reasonable and take the corners slowly. My watch said 1 hour 12.5 minutes at the end (official time was over 13 until I hit the transition mat). Under my stated goal of 1hr 15mins, but slightly slower than my ‘dream’ goal of closer to 1hr 10 mins. In transition 2, I squeeze tons of water out of my socks, throw on my running stuff, and am off on the run. I was feeling tired, but running is my thing. I can do this. I push through and end up under 44 minutes (stated goal of under 45) with a total time of 2 hours 30 minutes 06 seconds. I am thirsty and tired, but I did it!! I CRUSHED it! In the end I was third woman out of over 50 in my age group and 14th overall woman out of more than 400. I am normally a humble person, but I am proud of myself for this accomplishment. I made a goal, I put in the hard work, and I ACHIEVED it. 🙂  I guess I’m ready for a new goal. Dare I say, a half ironman?

Goals, revisited

As part of our small group, we’ve been discussing ‘what is the point’ of this PSEL Program? What are we supposed to have learned by the end? Our consensus seems to be that it is different for each person, and it’s related to what you put in. It’s not a concrete answer – you couldn’t fill out a scantron with what you’ve learned. It’s a lot about self reflection, being conscious of your actions and how they affect others, and learning how you can change yourself to be an effective leader. For me, one big thing is creating goals. I don’t really create goals, at least not ones that are concrete. My goals have always been to try my best or do my best or something vague where I can never fail. I don’t have to live with the disappointment of not reaching something.

I recently read an article titled, “The Whole Athlete: The Fine Art of Goal Setting.” link In the article, it states,

“What gets you out of bed in the morning? What drives you to run more each week, go longer on the weekends, dig deeper on speed days? For many runners, motivation comes in the form of a race goal, a date on the calendar when we want to run our best. Choosing an appropriate goal is crucial, however. Goals can as easily demoralize as they can inspire. Finding the right goal requires hubris, honesty, and flexibility.”

1. Hubris – defined as excessive self confidence. Your goal must be big enough to scare you.When considering it, you should think, “I don’t know if I can ever do that, but, wow, wouldn’t it be something if I could?” Then you need the hubris to believe it possible. An appropriately audacious goal, one you couldn’t accomplish today no matter how hard you try, requires changing your abilities, changing who you are—which is the point.Setting too easy a goal lets you coast. It makes you complacent. Even if it might be impressive to others, it bores you. You know you can achieve it without stretching and improving. Your goal must be something that convinces you that you need to be working toward it every day or you’ll never reach it.
2. Honestly – An appropriate goal can’t be too bold. Hubris can’t overcome the reality of your starting point and the time required for change. Yes, you can accomplish more than you can imagine—but you can’t do it tomorrow. You may not be able to it next month, perhaps not even next year. The way to success is to stretch your abilities a little bit each day. Your long-term goal stands on the horizon, a beacon calling you forward, but the goal each day is to move a bit closer by pushing the edge and expanding your limits.
3. Flexibility – Having accepted the reality and necessity of incremental progress, you may need to adjust your long-term goals as you work toward them. Effective goal setting involves regularly reassessing your current abilities, the time and energy you can commit, and the time span needed to reach the desired level—then adapting your goals to maintain a balance between your abilities and your daily challenges.

“If you really want to enjoy life,” an old soldier tells his young traveling companion, “You must work quietly and humbly to realize your delusions of grandeur.” “But I don’t have them,” says the young man. “Start to have them,” the old man replies.

 

I’m not sure why, but this article kind of spoke to me. I like the idea that a goal has to be realistic, yet something I couldn’t do today. Additionally, I need to allow flexibility that if something changes or life gets in the way, it is okay adjust that goal without feeling disappointed.

From this, I decided to make a big goal and signed up for an Olympic Distance Triathlon. I was a runner in college and have done several sprint-distance triathlons over the last few years, but I’ve never done an athletic event over two hours. For those who aren’t familiar, this is about a mile swim, a 40K bike, and a 10K run, which for most athletes seems to take in the 2.5-3 hour range. To reach this goal, I’m learning about new techniques of training, hydration and fueling strategies, and met with a “coach” of sorts to come up with a 6 day/week (~8 hrs/wk) training plan. This is something I can’t do yet, but I made a goal to complete it. I am not sure yet if I will have a goal time or just a goal to complete it feeling strong.

I’ve also made a work goal to speak up more in meetings. Specifically, to try to say something at least twice, even if it doesn’t have much content. That is hard for me and takes some preparation, but I’m attempting it.

So that’s it. I’ve made a few goals. I’m using this program to try to look at how I can improve myself and work to become better in more ways than one. Here’s one last quote from the article…

“Dream big. Start to have delusions of grandeur. Let them inspire you to commit to the quiet and humble daily work that will move you toward them and enable you to become better than you’ve ever been before.”

In case you needed a good laugh…

Our family bunny rabbit, Hopper, just celebrated his first birthday. My son LOVES his bunny, so we made him a ‘carrot’ cake. Ha ha ha!

Goals

As I worked on the Life Inventory activity, I realized that creating goals isn’t really one of my strong points. As I saw from my best self responses, people recognize that I am a motivated person. In some ways, I feel like I am motivated to just do a good job at things, so I don’t really have specific goals. I don’t really have a vision for what I want to do in 5 years or 10 years. Projects here at ARL come and go, and what you do and what your role is really just depends on where there is money. If most of the money is on big projects, then I probably won’t be in charge. But if some smaller projects come up, there might be an opportunity. I don’t know what lies ahead. I just like to stay busy, be challenged, and do a good job – my personal best without feeling overly stressed. I also am a big proponent of work-life balance and am very committed to my children, so I don’t really want a job that requires a lot of overtime or travel.

Is it bad to not have a lot of goals? I run and exercise most days, and I just do it. I enjoy it. I want to get better, but I really don’t have a large desire to race, especially running races. I ran competitively in college (cross country, indoor track, and outdoor track), and I found the races stressful – the expectation of having to always be the fastest person and beat everyone else on my team. Most people I know need some sort of goal to keep working at it and get them motivated. My friends are planning their next 5K, 10K, or half marathon. Over the last few years, I have competed in a few triathlons each year, and somehow they seem less stressful to me. I’m not sure why. But in general I push myself just to do it, to be better, to improve, to test myself, to feel good and tired. I don’t really do it because I have a goal time or am trying to achieve a certain weight. I feel like most things in my life are this way. I try to be the best I can be, but I don’t generally think of making goals.

I think this could be an interesting journey for me. If I had to say a goal for this program, I’d just say to become a better leader, but what does that mean? To make a meaningful goal, I think I have to reflect on what I’m good at and mostly what I’m NOT good at. Maybe as a perfectionist I don’t like to think about what I’m good at. Maybe I just don’t ever take the time to reflect. In any case, I’m willing to try to make work goals, PSEL goals, and some life goals.

Plugging along

So, I have started working toward getting some assignments checked off. During spring break, I completed most (all?) of the self-reflection activities. We had lots of time driving places, so I just took my binder wherever we went. I think the ones that I liked the most were My Values and Completing a Life Inventory. The my values was just sort of interesting. I liked how you picked a bunch and then narrowed them down. When it came down to my last selection, I was trying to decide between “clean” or “disciplined,” so I asked my family for some help. All three (including my 3 year old son) shouted CLEAN in unison. I thought that was pretty funny. I guess I like being clean. Ha! It is something I try to not get worked up about but our house is usually very clean but not necessarily organized or tidy (due to 2 boys and 8 billion legos, hotwheels, magformers, game pieces, etc scatter about). I also liked the Life Inventory activity. I get very busy and don’t generally think about goals for things I would like to do or stop doing, so it was kind of a nice experience.

As for interviews and job shadowing, I’m a little stressed. I work at the ARL building on Science Park road, so I am very separated from campus. I really have no interaction with anyone on campus, and I’m just not even sure who to interview other than ARL managers. I feel like I would like to branch out from that. I considered possibly asking my pastor – he is a very different type of leader, but I think a very good one. How has anyone else come up with people to interview? Suggestions?

Harvard Business Review article on team building

I recently read an article from the Harvard Business Review titled “How to Cultivate Gratitude, Compassion, and Pride on your Team” (https://hbr.org/2018/02/how-to-cultivate-gratitude-compassion-and-pride-on-your-team).

As I’ve been going through my responses for the Best Self activity, I’ve noticed some trends. One has been that my co-workers seem to enjoy the changes I’ve made after taking some team building classes through Penn State. The article states similar things to what I learned in this class…

“Consider the results of Google’s Project Oxygen, a multiyear research initiative designed to identify the manager qualities that enhanced a team’s success. What they found is that yes, driving a team to be productive and results-oriented mattered, but so did being even-keeled, making times for one-on-one meetings, working with a team in the trenches to solve problems, and taking an interest in employees’ social lives. In fact, these “character” qualities outranked sheer drive and technical expertise when it came to predicting success.

This makes sense. Innovation typically requires team effort. Expertise has to be combined to solve problems, necessitating cooperation. And cooperation requires a willingness to share credit and support one another as opposed to always striving to take credit for oneself.”

One of my goals since attending the class was to try to value to individual and foster community in order to build a team. At our weekly scrum meeting, we have a question of the day, which although it initially seemed daunting and somewhat dorky, has really helped the team to get to know one another. We celebrate everyone’s birthday with their favorite ice cream or dessert, making them feel special and valued. By allowing them to see each other as individuals, I think they work together better. In some ways, it seems to make them accept me more as their leader.

I also do try to make an effort to thank them for their efforts, especially when we are very busy. It was interesting that this was also a piece of the puzzle.

Overall, I found the article interesting in light of my experiences and the previous classes I’ve taken. Maybe this can be of use to others as they move forward in the leadership journey.