Culture in its most simplest forms has to do with the social behaviors around them. It gets complex around different race based cultures and more ethnocentric specific parts of culture. Yet, in the context of the United States, culture has gone into layers. There is the greater social norms on the outer layer and the most inner core is our individual values and passions.
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Recently I had the ability to make 饺子 (dumplings) with my friends. They’ve never made them before. Although it was not done traditionally in my family, it is a part of where I come from. It was nice to share bits of myself with those I love. Dumpling making is a mark of spending quality time with loved ones. The crescent shape is to resemble gold ingots to bring prosperity and good fortune. I never felt more lucky than to share these dumplings with my loved ones.
I struggle to this day feeling like a phony in some aspects. I was raised by white parents in America, so what right do I have to partake in Chinese culture?
I’ve been trying to push past these thoughts and learn more about where I come from. I was ecstatic to learn Mandarin at PSU, although I am quite bad at it. The thought of sharing some dishes and learning how to make them was simply tantalizing.
I finally learned how to pronounce my Chinese name 梦娴 (Mengxian) properly. It’s been a learning experience with incorporating aspects of different places into my own culture.
As a mark of my first steps, I wore a qipao for my high school senior photo! I typically don’t adorn myself in dresses, but I thought it was a fitting occasion. Qipao’s are beautiful dresses that are typically worn as formal attire. They come in different styles, but are typically longer and have a collar around the neck. A beautiful pattern is commonplace on the fabric itself.
I’m not trying to pretend to be who I am not, but simply learning, experiencing, and enjoying aspects of my background I’ve never done before. At times, I feel like an imposter. Other Asian American kids growing up would assume I had the same experiences or could speak Mandarin. My lack of knowledge and understanding felt embarrassing.
I love my American history along with my Chinese history. There’s something beautiful in the myriad of experiences I got to have. Moreover, the opportunity to learn about so many different European and Asian cultures was amazing.
No, I’ll never understand what it would be like to grow up in China. However, I do know what it’s like to embrace my culture. I hope my readers will also walk away unafraid to learn and delve into different cultures. Your culture doesn’t have to be a box that was premade for you. You can surround yourself with many different people of unique backgrounds and learn. The highest importance is respecting and genuinely understanding cultures.
I am glad that you were able embrace your cultural heritage! It really is hard to immerse yourself in culture when its involvement in your life was limited until you actively participated in it.
In my own experiences, I grew up with Asian parents, but we didn’t really practice our traditional customs or even language because of how predominantly Caucasian my hometown was. So, it was really nice to know that I am not the only one with these feelings (albeit in different circumstances). I wonder if the sentiments you express are also shared by other Asian-Americans? Maybe our kind are more common than we think.