Reading this article at the end of my third semester with Zoom honestly just breaks my heart. I remember when we thought it would only be two weeks, then a month, then one semester, and now it has been two and a half semesters (three if you count summer classes) on Zoom. I am so done. In high school I was very motivated and good about doing my homework and studying. I loved learning. Now, I dread having to do any form of school work and cannot focus to save my life. I have never dealt with a lack of focus like I am currently dealing with before. It’s terrible. It is at the point where I am concerned about whether this is just because of online learning or if I actually have another issue going on. 

Being on Zoom really just takes the joy out of school. Yes, I am learning, but I am barely connecting with my peers and professors, which is a vital part of the college experience. I transferred to Penn State after the first semester of my freshman year, which means I only got seven weeks on campus. I was miserable in high school and always said it would be worth it in college. Then I was miserable at Northeastern and finally had enough, I could not keep listening to my head over my heart because I was so unhappy, so I transferred. And then I get sent home about two seconds later.

The photo caption for Esther Gershenson especially resonates with me because I feel bad when I get upset over my current position. I survived a virus that has killed over 3 million people worldwide. I had a senior year of high school. I have not lost anyone close to me to the virus. So yes, I will take what I can get in terms of the pandemic and restrictions on campus, but I also feel extremely cheated of the college experience. After my high school experience, I wanted nothing more than to have a good college experience. And I did, for seven weeks. I got a little taste, which is more than most. I feel ungrateful when I complain or get upset because I really don’t have it that bad compared to most, but at the same time I can’t help but feel so incredibly angry and sad about the situation. 

Another thing that is not directly talked about in the article is clubs. Clubs are not the same at all. I tried to go to zoom club meetings in the fall, but I quickly lost interest or would forget about the meetings. Even though we are in a pandemic, I feel bad about not being more involved. I think about all the things I should be doing – internships, studying abroad, running for exec positions – and I feel extremely overwhelmed and honestly hopeless. I am afraid that when I go to apply to grad school or for jobs I won’t have enough on my resume, but I simply cannot muster up the motivation to get more involved. It is hard enough for me to do the simplest assignments, I can’t imagine juggling clubs too. I would like to reiterate, I am usually not like this at all, so to see me in this state makes me sad because I know it is not who I am.