This movie is easily one of the most anticipated films in cinema history, and it’s also one of the most disappointing films in cinema history. George Lucas had created A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back, and Return of the Jedi back in the late 70s/early 80s. This trilogy was outrageously successful because each film within it was adventurous, fun, and highly intriguing. Additionally, despite the fact that ‘Star Wars’ took place in made-up worlds across outer space, there was a definitive sense of realness to it; you felt as if you were in the universe. People were obsessed with these three movies, and when George Lucas announced he would be making a ‘Star Wars’ prequel trilogy in 1993, fans couldn’t wait to return to a galaxy far, far away. Unbeknownst to them, however, this would not be the same galaxy they were introduced to back in 1977–it would be a lot worse. Fans said goodbye to adventure, fun, and realness. Instead, they said hello to sitting, politics, sitting while talking about politics, and bad CGI. Let’s dive in.
Story: 4
In the original trilogy, we saw stories that revolved around people shooting blasters, pilots blowing up space stations, and Jedi fighting with lightsabers. In this movie, the Jedi are resorted to solving a trade dispute after an illegal blockade prevents goods from being shipped out of a planet. That’s literally the whole purpose of the movie. Sure, we get introduced to a young Anakin Skywalker (who *spoiler* later transforms into Darth Vader), but the story surrounding this event is pitiful. The film relies so heavily on politics and real-world issues (as evidenced by the trade dispute), which is so contradictory to the escapism principles of ‘Star Wars’. It’s not an adventure. It’s just flat-out boring.
Characters: 5
Almost every single character in this movie is monotone and lifeless. Those who aren’t are simply irritating. Jar-Jar Binks is a perfect example. He’s actually given a personality, but it is an obnoxious and cringe-worthy one. Anakin Skywalker is roughly nine years old at this point, but he acts like he’s five; he’s utterly annoying. Altogether, there’s nothing that makes these characters lovable and relatable.
Locations: 6
The places we go to in this movie are pretty cool. We saw Tatooine in the original trilogy, but we see a different and interesting side of it in this film. Coruscant and Naboo are cool additions to the ‘Star Wars’ universe, but these planets rely heavily on CGI. Henceforth, they do not feel practical and real like the planets we had seen prior to this film.
Humor: 2
There’s almost none of it. The only jokes in this movie are given to Jar-Jar. And they’re terrible jokes.
Score: 8
The music is the best part of this movie; it makes the really boring scenes so much more tolerable. The score also speaks volumes to John Williams’ excellence as a composer. He was given horrible subject material to create a score–subject material that didn’t resemble the original ‘Star Wars’ at all–yet he was still able to produce a glossary of themes that are unique and coherent with the galactic music of the past. Not to mention, “Duel of the Fates” is one of the most iconic themes in all of ‘Star Wars’.
Pacing: 5
This film is steadily boring for about the first 40% of it. Then there’s roughly 10 minutes of excitement. Then we go into more boring politics. Then we cap off the movie with a super exciting final act. The bottom line is that this movie has no rhythm whatsoever.
Dialogue: 4
It’s terrible. There are very few memorable lines/phrases within the film, and those few are only memorable because they’re so poorly written. It’s not the worst script George Lucas has ever penned, but it’s bad.
Action: 6
There are some great action sequences in this film. Everything with Darth Maul (which, unfortunately, isn’t a whole lot) is phenomenal, and the pod-race on Tatooine isn’t too shabby, either. But there really isn’t a whole lot of action outside of that, and a film as boring as this could definitely use some more.
Cinematography: 5
There’s nothing super special about the way this movie is shot. The pod-race I mentioned above is probably where Lucas shows off his directorial brilliance the most, but it’s pretty bland other than that. And the movie’s look doesn’t feel like ‘Star Wars’, largely due to the overabundance of CGI creatures and locations.
Moments: 8
The film scores this high in the Moments category solely because of the Darth Maul Duel in the film’s climax. This was the first time we saw something other than a 1-on-1 lightsaber battle– Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi vs. Darth Maul in one of the best choreographed fights with one of the best scores to accompany it (the aforementioned “Duel of the Fates”). These two elements paired with Darth Maul’s awesome appearance and iconic double-sided lightsaber make for an unforgettable ‘Star Wars’ moment.
Hi Connor,
I though your review was wholly objective, very thorough and well-written, and, at times, hysterical. I loved the sections in which you deliberately deadpanned, especially those pertaining to The Phantom Menace’s inherent lack of rhythm and captivation/audience engagement (i.e., “It’s boring). Your stoicism and lack of emotion reflected the film’s monotony, and as the cellar-dweller on your list, it deserved just that.
I’m glad you appreciate how lack of emotion in a movie review can be even worse than outright condemnation – or complete “undressing” of a film, in the familiar sense – for, though The Phantom Menace and Jar-Jar Binks do indeed merit undressing, your disinterest and indifference is all the more powerful and effective vis-à-vis the reader. Of note, I totally agree with you about Duel of the Fates: what an awesome soundtrack!
Overall, your review of The Phantom Menace dwarfs the film’s quality, and I can’t wait to read all your future reviews. All the best, Sebastien
Connor,
Even though this film did not score highly, I have to agree that the musical score is one of the best elements. John Williams is a brilliant composer and the music he writes is so amazing. Not only has Williams written the scores for Star Wars, he has also written the scores for Harry Potter, Jaws, Jurassic Park, Schindler’s List and many more. There are times during these movies that I literally get chills because of the music. The music tells the story just as well as the dialogue and it makes you feel something, which is just incredible.