As part of the “Self-directed informal learning” assignments, I decided to read “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck; A counter intuitive approach to living a good life” by Mark Manson. Warning: if you’re offended by the use of the F-word, you may not want to read on.
At the end of Chapter one, the last paragraph states “This book will not teach you how to gain or achieve, but rather how to lose and let go. It will teach you to take inventory of your life and scrub out all but the most important items. …It will teach you to give fewer f*cks. It will teach you not to try.”
The not trying part is the counter intuitive action (or non-action) to the the endless feed that we receive regarding the need for unwavering positivity, participation trophies, entitlement and social acceptance. The book is based on the idea that we’ve been conditioned to the need to achieve (bigger, better, faster, more more more) and in reality, even if we reach those goals, we’re still miserable. (side note: which I realize flies in the face of what PSEL is about).
The book didn’t necessarily teach me anything new, but it did give me a new way to apply what I already knew. As a result, I’m trying to spend more of my greatest commodity — my time — on the things and with the people I actually care about, rather than spreading myself so thin. Additionally, it’s helped me recognize when I’m obsessing over something I have no control over and when it’s appropriate to “care”. I find this especially helpful at work, when working in the office. If the person across the hall is talking to her family on the phone more than she’s working, while it’s certainly not a great practice, in reality it does not affect me and my ability to do my job in any way. Therefore, “no f*cks given”. In general, if another person’s behavior doesn’t directly affect me, my ability to do my job (or in my personal life, if it doesn’t affect my finances and ability to live my life), in the big scheme of things, it doesn’t matter. It’s someone else’s job to supervise my yappy co-worker, not mine.
You can apply this logic to all sorts of things, work related or not. So, in short, the take homes from the book are:
- Focus on what you can control and that affects you – you have the ability to make those choices;
- Don’t waste time/energy/money chasing a dream that will make you miserable achieving and then not provide happiness when achieved;
- Get comfortable with your status/body/etc; you’ll be much happier if you enjoy your “status quo”.
If anyone would like to discuss the book more or have any questions, let me know. If you’re looking for some “light” reading, and you suffer from the same “need to care” (some may say “nosy nature”) that I do, it might be a great resource for you to read. My friend sent me a TED talk that is similar in nature to this book, but by a different author. In doing some research I came to realize that the concepts covered in this book are also presented by others under similar titles.
I’ve recommended this book to oodles of friends after reading it. The concept is simple to understand, and honestly, isn’t anything I didn’t already know, but reading this book renewed my desire to live focused on the things I really do give a f*ck about.