The birds’ chirpings blend in with the sound of the bicycles wheels railing through the fractured concrete, forming an easy symphony that soothes my ears as I trek through, escaping my worries and allowing the gentle breeze to caress me. For a moment, the universe appears to make sense. Across the bike track laid a crosswalk that would reshape my perspective. I entered the crosswalk, distracted by the harmony of life. The melody stops.
Life begins to fade as the sound of a truck’s horn pierces my skull, sending me into a state of complete disorientation. For what seems like an eternity, everything goes dark. “You’ve been in an accident, you’ve fractured your pelvis, and the chances of you walking properly again are slim.” Why? I wondered. Why would cycling, something I adore, cause such pain? I felt sad that I could not sleep normally, move by myself, or do daily tasks alone. I felt that all my freedom was taken away from me. I was like a bird without wings.
Surviving this accident was a miracle. For a split second I really thought I was dead. I felt at peace, I could not feel the pain, but there were so many regrets. I did not think that I would not make it to my 18th birthday, I had big aspirations and hopes that I did not fulfill yet, I did not get to say goodbye to my parents and friends. Then I heard voices calling my name. That is when I realized I was given a second chance at life. It felt like I was reborn. I wondered for long how I am still alive. Sometimes I would go on for hours staring at the ceiling of the white hospital room thinking about all that happened and it drove me to insanity. I came to the conclusion that I was chosen to survive for a reason. Relooking my faith and spirituality helped me cope and become thankful. Rather than thinking about the what ifs and the whys I practiced gratitude through my religion which helped me accept my physical imperfections. I did not let the grief consume me. Instead I replaced it with being grateful for the experience. I am meeting new people at rehab, getting to heal and do physical therapy with amazing doctors and nurses. Whenever I encountered an obstacle, whether it was painful therapy sessions or the fear of being physically imperfect I repeated the phrase “Alhamdulillah” which brought me comfort. Alhamdulillah stands for praise be to god. Whenever I used the word I felt like I was surrendering all my issues to a higher being. I smiled my way through, thanked God, and used humor to make the healing process easier and help my family and friends cope.
Going through this in a foreign country with no family and unfamiliar surroundings was the hardest part. But with faith, gratitude, and humor everything was easier. I started using my spare time to get my legs back to normal. For hours, I made many rounds around my room. After just three weeks, I returned to school and began attending classes on a wheelchair. After a couple of months, I was walking properly, and the staff were hailing it a miracle, oblivious to the countless hours I had put in to return to normal life. I had finally accomplished my goal of not letting grief and negativity consume me. With gratitude and faith I was able to heal and get my strength back. My stamina would never go back to being the same but at least I am fully capable of depending on myself as I learned how to navigate through my faults. I believe that with gratitude, faith, and a good spirit any dilemma can become a gift.
1.Identify the central conflict and structure (cause and effect, transformation, categorical) of this piece. Provide ideas for enhancing the central conflict structure/arrangement.
The structure is transformation. The author starts the essay with the accident that caused her to start at the bottom, fighting to walk again. But, through perseverance and faith, the author was able to return better and stronger. The central conflict is clear, and no need for more enhancing.
2. Could the piece be more sensory or engaging if told another way? Comment on how the style could be strengthened. Provide an example from the draft.
The sensory details is very engaging at the start of the essay. You do a great job of that. The style could be strengthen more towards the end. Specifically, you can talk about more on your life and how you felt after you healed through more details.
3. Name some possibilities for deeper characterization. How could the “I” be developed further? Is there more you would like to know about the relationships between “characters”? Were some details “author oriented” instead of “audience oriented”?
You can provide a deeper characterization through talking about how your perspective on faith changed before and after the accident, or if it changed at all? This could help with developing the “I” because you only talk about faith more towards the end.
4. Did the belief match up with the story? Offer some advice if you felt the piece moved toward a different conclusion. Comment on places to strengthen narrative coherence and narrative fidelity.
The belief matched up very well with the story. No need to change anything here.
5. Make a suggestion or two for something the author could move, change, add, or delete.
One suggestion I have is like I said, speaking a little more about how you felt after you healed and providing more detail there. But overall, it was a great essay and you are in great shape.
This was so powerful to read Hiba. I’m so happy you survived and made it through the experience safely. The amount of detail you managed to infuse into the speech was amazing. I was captivated and so inspired to see you persevere. I think that you have a great speech! Thank you for sharing this story with us.