The Thomas Killman Conflict Mode Instrument (TKI) is designed to help people identify and understand how different people handle conflict, so that they can apply that understanding when dealing with groups and interpersonal relationships. The TKI uses two dimensions to describe conflict-handling behavior: assertiveness and cooperativeness. The five “conflict modes” are plotted as areas along those dimensions:
- Competing
- Collaborating
- Avoiding
- Accommodating
- Compromizing
Competing style is very assertive, and very uncooperative. Competers pursue their own interests during a conflict, often at the expense of others. I think this can be a good thing – for example, when you are standing up for something you truly believe in. However, it can also mean you just want to win at all costs, and can prevent you from seeing all the facts.
Collaborating style is very assertive, but also very cooperative. Collaborators strive to find a solution that meets everyone’s interests – not just finding a middle ground, but actually identifying the underlying issue that needs to be resolved in order for everyone to get everything they want. I initially thought that this is the style I would most strongly identify with, because I try to focus on finding the root of a problem, which is frequently not how the problem is originally presented.
Avoiding style is very unassertive and very uncooperative. Avoiders just choose not to address the conflict at all, either by refusing to talk about it, or postponing having to make a decision. I see this as the most frustrating, because it doesn’t actually resolve anything – you can’t postpone the conflict forever, and the longer it goes unresolved the worse it usually gets.
Accommodating style is very unassertive and very cooperative. Accommodators are the exact opposite of competers, they try to solve the other person’s problem without any concern for their own interests. While I can see how this is a valid option sometimes (picking your battles, being the bigger person and backing away from a fight), I think that it’s the wrong choice if the conflict is something that is important to you, since it can breed resentment and cause more future conflicts.
Compromising style is right in the middle, on both the assertiveness and cooperativeness scales. Compromisers try to find a solution that MOSTLY meets the needs of both parties, but might expect some reasonable concessions on either side to make that happen. This is the style that I scored the highest for, with my score falling at the 75th percentile (vs ranging from 30-60th percentile for the other styles).
My scores:
Competing: 30th percentile
Collaborating: 40th percentile
Avoiding: 50th percentile
Accommodating: 60th percentile
Compromising: 75th percentile
I was not horribly surprised by my scores in competing or accommodating, but I was expecting collaborating to be higher, and avoiding to be lower. I also wasn’t surprised that my score in compromising was so high. I also had to remind myself that these scores don’t mean you only use one kind of conflict style – we all use different styles depending on the situation. What this activity really did was make me more aware of what these types of conflict are, so that I can be more self-aware as I’m engaging in conflicts, or leading a team dealing with conflicts.
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