In class, we discussed three child-rearing practices that parents use when raising children and exerting control over them. These parenting styles are authoritarian, permissive, and authoritative. Parents using the authoritarian style set rules for their children to follow and expect them to obey at all times. Permissive parents do not set rules for their children to follow and instead do whatever their children want to do. Parents following the authoritative style of parenting lie in between the other type styles. Authoritative parents set expectations for their children, but they also listen to their children and respond to their needs. Comparing the three child-rearing practices, authoritarian is too hard on the children, permissive is too lax with the children, but authoritative is just right. Of the three styles, authoritative is the most ideal parenting practice to follow because it best prepares children for the future. While many factors contribute to a child’s characteristics, the authoritative parenting style often positively influences a child’s self-esteem, independence, and social skills.
Growing Up with Authoritative Parents
I was raised by parents using a mostly authoritative parenting style. While I did have guidelines that I had to follow, my parents were also willing to hear my thoughts and opinions on things and respond to each situation in a reasonable way. This meant that I didn’t always get my way on things, but I knew that my parents heard my feelings on the matter and were acting with my best interest in mind. Sometimes this didn’t help at the time, but looking back, it makes sense. For example, I wanted a cell phone in elementary school. I argued that many of my friends were getting them, so I should too. My parents heard me out, but determined it wasn’t time yet. We talked about it and determined that I would get a cell phone once I was in middle school and would be further from home and more likely to need it to reach them between classes or after school. While it didn’t seem fair at the time, in retrospect, it really was for the best, as we didn’t need that added expense and I didn’t need that added responsibility at the time.
After reading this blog, I have a great understanding of the different kinds of child-rearing practices that parents implement. Examples always help solidify concepts, and this example of authoritative parenting really implanted the meaning in my brain. My parents also raised me using an authoritative parenting style, so I can relate to your experience. I also was not allowed to have a cell phone until middle school, even when I felt like all of my friends were getting them. At first I was really annoyed and upset, but later I realized that my parents knew what was best for me and knew the appropriate age for a kid to be able to have and use a cell phone responsibly. Prior to learning about the different child rearing practices, I did not know that it had such a big impact on who the child grew up to be and affected things like how he or she performs in school. I now have a much deeper understanding of how child-rearing practices have such an impact on psychology.
After reading your blog post, I definitely feel like I have developed a much better understanding of what the three-child rearing practices are and mean. For example, I know that permissive parents are more passive, authoritarian are aggressive, and authoritative are somewhere in the middle. I definitely agree with you about the authoritative parenting rearing style, I think it is the most effective way to raise a child. Children seem to respond to situations in one extreme, so if parents were way too strict they would want to rebellious and ignore the rules set. However, if parents are too passive, children will do whatever they want and walk all over their parents. Because of this, the balance of authoritative parents is perfect for raising children. I can relate to this from experience because my parents are authoritative and theirs authoritarian. They would tell me stories of their childhood were my grandparents were entirely too strict with them causing them to act out. For example, my father had to be in the house by 10 pm on weekends when he was 18 years old, which is kind of ridiculous for a young adult. Because of this strict curfew, my father would purposely stay out very late on weekends to annoy my grandfather. This caused my father to start hanging out with the wrong people,which is the opposite effect my grandfather wanted. Since my parents did not have a good experience with authoritarian parents they decided to be authoritative. They were certain in putting ground rules for me, but I could talk to them about bending these rules as situations changed. For example, as I got older they would allow me to stay out later, which I was thankful for, so I never acted out. I really found your blog post about child rearing interesting because it is something that I could personally relate to in psychology.
After reading this post, I now have a better understanding of different parenting types. I agree with you that authoritative is the most effective style. Permissive is too relaxed and does not give the child any rules or regulations to grow up with. Authoritarian is too harsh, they never give the child flexibility within their life. Authoritative seems just right because there are just enough rules set, but those rules can always maybe be “fixed” or stretched out a bit. Once I got my drivers license junior year, I was allowed to stay out until 11, but I asked my parents if I could stay out later than all of my friends did. They didn’t exactly bend the rules, but they said as long as I came home before 11 until I turned 18, I could then stay out until 1 since I could drive past 11. So the rules weren’t exactly changed, but instead I was given a compromise as long as I followed the ground rules before. After reading your blog post, I now have a deeper understanding of child rearing practices used and which ones are best.
I loved reading your post because it literally felt as if I was reading about my own parents. I even had the exact same argument with them about a phone in middle school and they too thought it was too early for me to have one. My parents had guidelines such as informing them where I was at all times and so on, but they also allowed me to have my own personal freedom. As I grew up they gave me more and more freedom because they realized I was maturing and they would listen to what I had to say. They realized that I was growing up and that I should be treated more like an adult. They put more trust in me. They would not check my grades or hound me about homework because they trusted me in the fact that I have the responsibility to handle it on my own. However, I also know a lot of people who have Authoritarian parenting type. We like to call them “helicopter parents”. My friends with those kind of parents find it very hard to express themselves because their parents control every aspect of their life. I also have friends with the permissive parenting type. They felt distant from their parents and they could “get away with just about everything.” They felt as their parents did not care and a lot of them would get into disciplinary trouble with the school and even sometimes the police.
This blog post was well written, and I felt like I could relate to your experiences with your parents. I grew up with authoritative parents. I never felt like my opinions and objections were ignored but they did have strict rules I needed to follow. They weren’t too hard on me, but they also didn’t give into my begging and pleading. My mom would always say things along the line of “I am not your friend’s parent, I am your parent, and I am sorry you feel upset but I have to stick to my word….”. Both of my parents’ mothers were permissive and their fathers were authoritarian, so they raised my sisters and I differently because of their negative experiences with the other styles. The imbalance in their households caused a lot of confusion with the children and fighting between the parents. When I talked to my mom about the styles, she said she knew she wanted to be an authoritative parent from the second she thought of starting a family because she wanted to have a secure relationship with her kids. I also commend my parents for maintaining the same parenting style with 4 daughters. I know that can be hard sometimes especially when there is a large age gap between children.
This post was very interesting to read! I was also raised by authoritative parents so I related to your story a lot. My parents set rules and expectations for me but, they also valued my own thoughts and opinions. I agree with you that authoritative is the best parenting style because it gives a sense of self but also sets boundaries for them. You did a great job of explaining the other styles of parenting as well. Permissive is too relaxed but authoritarian does not give a child a choice to make their own decisions about things. My parents were always very cautious with who I became friends with and urged me not to be around certain kids. At the time I did not see it but I now realize that they just wanted the best for me and instead of ordering me around like an authoritative parents or letting me do whatever I wanted like permissive parents they wanted me to make my own good decisions.
After reading your post, I now understand the different types of parenting styles. Do you believe that if your parents used a different type such as permissive, would you believe your life would change or would stay the same? In the example you related to it seems like your parents used a permissive style in that instance because the end result was giving you that cellphone. Do you think the types are as black and white as they are described or is there an element of all types that most parents would implement?