Since I became self-aware many years ago, I’ve known that I always have done things differently than all of the other kids I met. Never being able to put a name to it, I always just put this off as everyone having quirks. However, in class when we discussed the topic of disorders, I found one word on a lecture slide to be quite enlightening: symmetry. This concept was then strengthened by a story told by Dr. Wede. The topic on which the slide and story were focused was obsessive compulsive disorder.
Thinking back on my childhood I always liked things to be symmetrical and to come in even numbers. This may appear as trivial to some, but it was more of a way of life for me. From refusing to eat an odd number of chicken fingers as a kid to stepping on side-walk tiles the same number of times with each foot, this concept seemed to find its way into every aspect of my life. As a kid I was often confused about the subject, but could find comfort in the fact that no one tended to notice and that my mother shared many of these compulsions.
The aforementioned story told by our professor was about checking the lock on your door many times a night to make sure that it locked. When living with my parents I don’t often check the lock on our door, because I never seemed to care about that as we live in a safe neighborhood. In State College, however, I do find myself worrying about this sort of thing, most likely because it is not just my things that I have to keep safe and there is only one other person that can lock the door if it is found to be open. Usually I can find solace if I possess a concrete memory of locking the door with some sort of time frame.
These compulsions have been a part of my life for as long as I can remember, so now I don’t notice them very much if at all. They can interfere with my life, but not nearly as much as the amount that is usually associated with a disorder. That is why I think that my situation is less disorderly and just a slightly different way of living.