Throughout my life, I have always been known to be the friend that felt things especially harder than others. I would cry during movies, I would be upset by people’s cruel words, and I would stay in bed for days after a death of a loved one. These things seemed quite normal to me, because that is just how some people are, but when my emotions started affecting the way I felt about life itself, that is when I realized there was something up. I took psychology in high school and learned all about anxiety and stress and depression, but I never thought that I would fall in any of those categories.
As I entered my freshman year at college, I began to realize what people meant when they said that college was nothing like high school. Yeah, the friendships were great, and the social life even better, but there’s a dark part of school that no one ever really warns you about. As a science major, I was taking 2 chemistry classes at once, a bio class, and lab, as well as all of my other classes such as English, science seminar, freshman seminar, and a math course. Studying for these classes all at once took a lot out of me, and when I would get my grades back I was not pleased. I was far from, I was stressing out that I was not sleeping, and that I was not getting good enough grades. I was working hard and I did not have anything to show for it. Many of my friends were going through the same type of struggles that I was and it was impacting us socially and mentally.
I would not leave my room for days at a time unless to go to class, I would sit in my bed alone and just try to understand why my grades were so horrible compared to high school. I have never felt stupid before until I came to college and realized I wasn’t as smart as I thought I was. I was physically depressed and the anxiety of taking another test was taking it’s toll on me. Finally after 4 panic attacks, essential therapy sessions with my friends, multiple phone calls to my parents in tears, and necessary visits to my adviser I finally got myself together and found ways to not get so stressed or depressed. After first semester ended and I went home for 2 months for break, when I came back to school I felt like a brand new person. Every once in a while I will still get in a funk, but I know that I can/need to pull myself out of it to survive in this school. Luckily our school has a great place to go and get help for these types of situations or just go to talk to someone. Just because you are depressed and anxious, does not mean you’re crazy, it means you need help to get better.
I completely understand where you are coming from. Transitioning from a comfortable life at home to all the unknowns of college can be especially difficult to cope with. I myself have had a series of days during which I felt as you described; lethargic, unmotivated, sad, and desperate. When I got to college, I experienced severe test anxiety that significantly curtailed my performance. Knowing that I was doing so poorly just pushed me deeper into a hole I was beginning to feel was impossible to get out of. My constant worrying impacted every aspect of my life, including sleep. I would wake up feeling like I had not slept all night. Last spring break, my Mom even reported that I was sleepwalking! I realized at that point that my worries could lead to more dangerous things and decided to actively change my mindset. I started doing yoga everyday and reading/ watching things that motivated and inspired me.
I am very happy for you for being brave enough to seek out help. There is nothing wrong, shameful, or even unusual about what you went through and people in similar situations should be encouraged to ask for the assistance they need without the stigma of being labeled as depressed.
Hello, thanks for your post. I can definitely relate to the transition you went through from high school to college and the feelings you’ve had. I was one of the top kids in my high school and I felt as if college would be a breeze. Little did I know the demanding classes, and need for a social life were too demanding to maintain a GPA like I had in high school. With this being said my parents had set standards for me that I could not live up to. I also couldn’t live up to my own standards and that began to eat away at me and I began to start suffering from the symptoms of depression, I was very unhappy. Like you, I also had a break and had a long talk with my parents about my status as a Penn State student. We began to talk about how highly ranked and difficult PSU is and we discard that my standards were way to high and we lowered them and I’ve been a different person ever since. My symptoms went away and I began on a path of success.
Depression also took over my life too, I started off with a great GPA my freshmen year then it hit me. I hated college. I went home every weekend, I skipped weeks of school. I thought about dropping out and just going to work. How is no one else feeling this, was always my thought, I felt alone. i didn’t want to party, I just was only trying to get by. i soon realized I was depressed. I really, enjoyed your post because I know what it feelings like. I am still stressed, and everything is suffering because of it. I think you are brave to even talk about this, usually everyone ignores it like myself.
Thank you so much for sharing your post. I totally relate with the stress anxiety and depression. College was this whole new, big scary world and it was so hard to adjust to, especially with the unfamiliar high workload. I rarely left my room, even for class, which did not make me popular with my professors and did not help my grade. It also made it very hard to meet people and make friends. I had no motivation to get involved in anything, I was homesick and called my parents every day, sometimes twice a day, and I just wanted to sleep all of the time. Second semester, however, I found an organization on campus called Active Minds which gave me a really cool environment in which people were very open with one another and spoke about their experiences, personal or otherwise, with depression or anything really. It was an awesome community to find myself in and it really helped a lot. You should check it out sometime! Thank you again so much for sharing!
Hey there,
I dont really know you but when I was reading your blog post, I could totally related to you.
I had the same issue with what you had in your freshmen year.
I graduated with high GPA and good grades, known for being a smarty pant but after i came to college I was crashed. I was getting all the grades that I never expected to receive in my life and every time I see them, I get depressed.
Not only my immune system went weak but also my whole school life went bad. As a student with biology major, I had so many science classes and lab courses to take. With all the crazy numbers of classes, I was very stressed out and didnt know how to relief the stress. Social life was not a solution for me. I was not happy inside out. So, even though I am with my friends, hanging out or going out for special events didnt make me happy. I was very sad all the time and felt like a failure.
As a religious believer, I overcame the problem with my religious activities and other sources but still it is not over yet. The stress was not only coming from the grades that I get, but also all the school works, the crazy weather in State college and absence of parents in my life (since I am a out of state student). During summer when I go back to home I will feel completely okay and comfortable. but once I am back in state college then the stress would come back. So I come up with this idea that this stress is not gona go away until I graduate from school and done with all the studying. Its like never-ending college relationship. I glad that you are feeling good now and doing fine. hopefully I will get completely fine with mine soon. thanks for sharing your post.