An Open Letter to the Hardcore Gamer

Dear conceited individual,

It’s been awhile since we’ve been in touch. I just wanted to check in and see how things were going. The Call of Duty games still coming out every year, on schedule? I used watch your kill compilations on Youtube, riddled with MLG horns and speed metal, or whatever Eminem track was topping the charts at the time. You really take a lot of pride in showing off how great you are, and why not, you’re fantastic at literally everything. I suppose now I might bump into you, tooting your flute for more followers on twitter, or maybe attempting to point some chaps over to your Twitch channel. I bet people really enjoy how edgy you present yourself, screaming with primal rage at every lag spike and bull shit death, sloshing Mountain Dew all down your chin and shirt.

I’d imagine it’s busy being so hardcore. You probably don’t get out much, keeping on that grind is a lot of hard work. It’s tough being the best at everything, all of the time. I’ll try not to take up much more of your time, I really just wanted to make sure you know how much I envy you, and that I spent most of my teenage years and young adulthood trying to emulate you and eclipse your insurmountable skill at everything ever. It is only dawning on me now that maybe I’m just a casual, a filthy plebeian you so frequently grace with the hell-fire from your unconditioned person into the greasy end of your Turtle Beach headset.

Best of luck in the future. If nothing else, I have you to thank for inventing the “gaze-off-camera-in-black-and-white-while-wearing-sunglasses-because-I’m-hardcore-and-play-video-games” selfie. I must admit though, it is nice not being told to “kill myself” every time I try my honest to god best, at anything, ever.

Love,

Jake

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