I find this question incredibly challenging to answer, and I appreciate that. I’m going to be as authentic as possible in my answer and discuss this question’s relevance in social and academic/professional settings.
When I think of this question in social settings, my mind immediately goes to what is considered offensive in that setting. A comedian for example, regardless of their gender, race, or sexuality, can probably get away with typically offensive statements because they are comedians. If the joke is perceived as funny, they can get away with literally anything no matter how offensive it is when taken out of context. I’ve seen bits where comedians make fun of people who are handicapped or people dying of cancer, and the jokes were perceived as funny, even by the targeted party. However, in typical social settings, more mild comments of this nature that are intended to be funny, could be perceived as distasteful. This creates a difficult environment when people have varying levels of comfort. Some people feel more comfortable around newer people and some people feel comfortable with darker, offensive humor. I personally think offensive humor is funny and I like to let my guard down and get to truly know people. The issue is, I’m a white man in 2024, so I absolutely cannot be the one to break the ice on jokes of this nature.
I love to think about a friend of mine from high school in regard to being ‘inappropriate.’ His name was Rio and he was Asian and a SoundCloud rapper. He never cared what anyone thought no matter how offensive his comments became. The words that came out of his mouth were whatever thoughts popped into his head at that moment. He was loved by so many for being carefree and breaking the ice immediately in conversations. The difference here is he was able to get away with and not be viewed negatively for these comments he made. I know that I wouldn’t have been able to do the same.
Therefore, in these situations, I think the minority group generally gets to decide how far the offensive jokes can go, but there are exceptions. I’ve seen people be unaware of their surroundings and make inappropriate comments, usually in the political sense. These comments tend to come out of nowhere and the surrounding people collectively recognize ignorance.
There is however a personality I love in new, uncharted social settings, where the level of comfortability hasn’t been established yet. This person is like the Rio character I mentioned before, a person willing to say the things everyone else is thinking but is afraid to say. We have a character like this in one of my choirs and he is a not a minority in any way, but he still broke the ice with offensive and funny comments. I have respect for these people because it is frightening to say something that could be perceived as socially unacceptable when you thought it was funny. These social situations can be challenging to navigate, but overall, the extent of what is ‘appropriate’ is decided by the person who decides to be the most ‘politically correct.’
As for academic or professional settings, the level of what is appropriate is decided by the leadership in these environments. These environments are often inauthentic due to people wanting to be professional. I hate being around people who pretend to be nice or interested in these situations;I feel this artificialness deep within my being. I’d rather people be authentic in these environments like how we are in our English class. One thing that promotes this is the informal language and cursing. To me, cursing is a great tool to show authenticity because of its visceral nature. We have seen this in Ceschi’s work as well as Eddie Kingston’s. People always want to appear as professional and intelligent, but I love that these two individuals don’t suppress their strong feelings. Cursing is a part of who they are, and I respect that. I’ve also seen this in people like David Goggins as he describes the unforgiving nature of our world and what it takes to succeed.
Overall, making every effort to be appropriate makes it more difficult to have interpersonal connections. I like offensive jokes. I like when people call me out on my shit. I like when people challenge me and give me constructive advice. There are so many layers to this question of appropriation, and I genuinely feel it is relevant to every encounter in today’s society.