Ciao everyone! Welcome to an entire semester’s worth of corny jokes. Here is the blog’s first post of the new semester:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because I think its simplicity makes this pun seem effortless and funny. I hope it made you guys laugh too.

I think we can agree that bagels are a solid option for breakfast, except without cream cheese because I don’t like it at all. But before a “favorite bagel spread” debate begins, it’s important to acknowledge where bagels come from.

First off, what is a bagel? This is a bagel:

Exhibit A: boiled and baked dough in a circular shape with a hole in the middle.

This heavenly plop of bread dates back to 14th century Poland, where large migrations of people brought over this idea that was heavily based on German pretzels, according to an article from The Atlantic. Obwarzanek, as the Polish deemed, became a common product for higher-class citizens, perhaps not looking the same as our modern bagels though. Queen Jadwiga of Poland, at the time, had a high affinity for obwarzanek since they differed from the typical sugary and overused pastries. From here, bagels became a prevalent part of the diets of men and women with the means to afford them. The Poles basically said, “bougie pretzels, but let’s add a little spice.”

Another rendition of the bagel is seen in late 17th century Austria. Apparently, “bagels were invented in 1683 by a Viennese baker trying to pay tribute to the King of Poland, Jan Sobieski. The king had led Austria [and Poland] in repelling invading Turkish armies” (Weinzweig). However doubtful that this was the prototype, the true appearance of a bagel, or beugel in German, was created to represent the stirrup used by the king, ultimately establishing the signature shape.

17th century Polish bagel style

But let’s go back to Poland again. While most of the immigrants were German, there was a substantial number of Jews that moved to Poland to avoid persecution. As Christianity spread across the world, especially through the Crusades, the Silk Road, and the growing Age of Exploration, there were those that were not religiously tolerant and were inclined towards violence. High key seems to be a trend throughout history…

Anyways, the Church viewed Jews as “enemies” and didn’t permit them to bake bread, which symbolically represented the body of Jesus Christ. This sounds like a lame excuse in my opinion. I’m sure most of us know that bagels come from Jewish decent, so here’s exactly why:

Poland, back then, was a safe haven and was extremely tolerant, similar to Genghis Khan and his empire around the same time. In 1264, Polish Prince Boleslaw the Pious said, “Jews may freely buy and sell and touch bread like Christians,” which allowed for more commercial baking. Apparently boiling bread, instead of traditionally letting the dough rise and then be baked, was accepted by Christians. The Jews, inherently, adopted this product out of necessity, which later took the world by storm.

More immigration led to the bagel rolling into American culture. We love globalization. Thanks to the creation of bagels, you’ll find plenty of college kids packed around the Starbucks at the Hub, slouching in line at the nearest commons’ Edge, or even strolling downtown to go to Irving’s or Bagel Crust for brunch.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Weinzweig, Ari. “The Secret History of Bagels.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 17 July 2013, https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2009/03/the-secret-history-of-bagels/6928/.