Ciao everyone! Welcome back, here is this week’s joke:

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because it was simple enough that even I understood it and I thought it was funny. I’m not a big sports person and I don’t know a lot about football, but seeing that Penn State is a Big 10 school, I might as well put in the effort to create my own crash course. Here are the basics of football, as per my 16-year-old brother:

To start off, the players:

Quarterback: “QB. Alright, so it’s the guy behind the center who gets the ball and throws it at other goons or can hand it off, or if he’s gangster enough, he can run the ball himself. He is the most important player on the field and he can be old like Tom Brady.”

Tom Brady approves of this message

Center: “Aight he’s supposed to be the biggest guy on the line. He’s in the center of the line and he snaps the ball to the boso behind him. I gotta friend named Mike who’s not very big or tall and kinda defeats the point of a center.”

Wide Receiver: “Can I start talking? Alright, the wide receiver is the guy who tries to catch the ball thrown by the quarterback. They run routes and do a lot of spins and try to intercept the ball too.”

Water Boy: “Second most important role is responsible for keeping the team hydrated at all costs. It is very honorable to be chosen as a water boy and you have to be a master at mixing gatorade.”

Cue Adam Sandler

Some Rules:

1. “You can’t cross, what’s that line called? The line of scrimmage, right? You can’t cross it before the ball is snapped, otherwise it’s offsides and you get a penalty.”
2. “You can’t, uh, attack or punch or kick anyone in the balls.”
3. “You can’t taunt, they don’t like taunting cause they’re nerds and people complain about that. They’re just losers.” (As an aside: my dad has just informed me that the NFL stands for the “No Fun League.”)

The logo of the “No Fun League”

The Professionals:

“There are a ton of teams. A lot of them suck but that’s how most of the major league goes. The only good team from New York [we are from NY] is the Bills; the Giants and Jets are balls.”

“Tampa Bay and the Chiefs are both very good teams. They both have very good QB’s and there is also the Ravens who have Lamar Jackson but still kinda suck. I feel bad for any Baltimore sports fans because all their teams suck; for instance, the Orioles.” (As an aside: my dad informs me again that the Green Bay Packers are also very good.)

“Back to Tampa Bay, does Gronk play tight end? I think he does; yeah I was right. My boi Gronk on the Bucs, him and Brady are bois. He’s a pretty good tight end I’d say and he can do some runnings and catchings, basically a little bit of everything. He’s hosted game shows, which is pretty chad and he has a lot of brothers, I just know that.”

“What’s his face, he’s retired, I’m thinking of someone else. Oh Peyton Manning on the Broncos, whatever, but Peyton Manning had a really big forehead, but he’s retired though.”

Real image of Peyton Manning

A big shout out to my brother Chris for his help this week. Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers! 

Reference: Chris (my brother)

Ciao everyone! For today’s post, I’ve found the first meme of the semester:

This image is powerful and I definitely rate it 10/10. Absolutely complex. There are layers to this meme and I was shocked when I found it. Perfection.

Shrek is perhaps my favorite movie, though I do love several others. This blog post was heavily inspired by my Ted Talk and research paper from last semester, which featured our favorite ogre. Can you believe that Shrek is over 20 years old?

In commemoration, here are some in’s and out’s about the process of creating this iconic film:

Number 1: The plot wasn’t as appreciated as it is today. 

Shrek, as a reclusive, selfish, temperamental, and closed-minded ogre in his swamp, didn’t automatically achieve the approval ratings the producers desired. A New York Times article reports that the idea of an ogre as the protagonist brought about doubts regarding ticket sales. Apparently, meeting after meeting, it was believed that straying from the traditional prince and princess wouldn’t engage audiences. Oh how they were wrong…

I partially blame the writers’ lack of imagination and ignorance for this misconception. Yes, we often see Disney creating the perfect “happily ever afters,” but it’s important to acknowledge that being happy and achieving success can come in several different forms for different people. Shrek obviously demonstrates that.

Number 2: No one wanted to work on this project.

Shrek, inherently, was the black sheep of DreamWorks production. It was the problem child of all the running projects. “Getting sent to ‘Shrek’ felt like being sent to Siberia,” the director Vicky Jenson recalled. Why?

Well, the main characters in Shrek were criticized for being “too difficult” to animate and posed as too advanced and too “challenging” for the artists on the design team. Archaic and out-dated technology at the time can be attributed to this. Additionally, other past projects such as Aladdin and The Road to El Dorado were taken more seriously by staff, while Shrek was continuously considered as satire and made the daily job insincere. Perhaps that’s what makes it so hilarious and appealing!

Number 3: There was debate over originality. 

Across the internet, several journalists will argue that Shrek directly copies the plot of The Princess Bride (1987). Personally, I don’t see how these films are identical; while there are some parallels, like a friendly giant and the formation of a band of misfits, I really think that Shrek is more on the original side.

But what ethos does an 18-year-old girl have? None apparently, but I would say that the masses agree with me here. The Princess Bride clearly lacks the onion metaphors and the monster archetype we’ve all grown to love.

Number 4: Hidden casting issues that no one talks about played a role.

Mike Meyers, who voices Shrek in the film, wasn’t the original actor casted. It was actually Chris Farley, former star of Saturday Night Live, that was supposed to become our green hero. His untimely passing in 1997 led to the abdication of the role.

Chris Farley, the OG Shrek

However unfortunate that Farley had recorded many of his lines, directors loved Mike Meyers and his Scottish take on Shrek. According to the New York Times, Meyers was the one who coined the phrase, “Better out than in.” Love it.

It was fascinating to read about the secrets of this cinematic masterpiece and I hope you enjoyed the nice Marvel reference in the meme (from Avengers: Infinity War).

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Cherelus, Gina. “’Shrek’ at 20: How a Chaotic Project Became a Beloved Hit.”

                 The New York Times,  The New York Times, 18 May 2021,             

                 https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/18/movies/shrek-20th- anniversary.html. 

Ciao everyone! Here is this week’s joke:

What do you get when two giraffes collide?

A giraffic-jam!

I would rate this joke a 10/10 out of personal bias because giraffes are my favorite animals. Thus, this post will pay homage to one of the wackiest animals to roam the Earth.

Giraffa Camelopardalis, more commonly known as the giraffe, is known to be the tallest mammal in the world and is a distant relative to the camel. Let’s pull a Steve Irwin and do an overview:

According to the African Wildlife Foundation, giraffes, on average, are about 5.7 meters tall from the ground to their horns, which is equivalent to 18.7 feet. Males weigh around 1,930 kilograms and females weigh around 1,180 kilograms, respectively equating to 4,254 pounds and 2,601 pounds. Giraffes can be found in habitats that are filled with open grassy plains and dense shaded forests. As a native to more than 15 African countries, you’ll most likely find giraffes milling around Kenya, South Africa, Botswana, Tanzania, Namibia, and Cameroon. I would love to someday do one of those safaris in South Africa and then stay at the giraffe hotels.

What else do we know about this species? Well, they have a life span around 10 to 15 years in the wild and have a gestation period between 13 to 15 months. Day-to-day functions are sponsored by valves in the blood vessels in giraffes’ necks to prevent the backwards flow and potential build up of blood, which could be extremely dangerous.

When residing in the nearest savannah or woodlands in the Sahara, watering holes may be scarce, so giraffes can go days without drinking. Additionally, as an herbivore, you can definitely count on giraffes snacking on the nearest acacia tree, although they do eat over 93 other varieties of plants. The African Wildlife Foundation reports that, “They feed 16 to 20 hours a day, but may only consume about 30 kilograms (about 30 pounds) of foliage during that time. These two-ton mammals can survive on as little as seven kilograms (15 pounds) of foliage per day.” I think my brother eats more than them to be honest.

Anatomically, giraffes also pose as a natural phenomenon. These desert-dwellers have been heavily studied in fields of Darwinian Evolution and developmental biology, since they vastly differ from most known animals. Earlier ancestors with longer necks had less competition for food sources, so that favorable trait was passed on. 

With lengthy necks and spindly legs, the giraffe is often underestimated as a primary predator in food webs. With the capability to run 32-60 km/hr (20-37 mph), giraffes can run for long distances to avoid starving lions, leopards, hyenas, and crocodiles. When they’re unable to run away from their problems, as inevitable as it is, the giraffe will use the horns on its head, called ossicones, to battery ram itself into predators. Now this is a smackdown that puts giraffes, quite literally, on another level. Talk about survival of the fittest, or rather, the tallest.

he needs your help 🙁

However, giraffes are currently an endangered species due to poaching, and I am truly disgusted by this. I really hope that this illegal hunting and trafficking can be prevented, since this breed plays a significant role in several ecosystems. I hope to spread awareness regarding this issue and learn as much as we can about giraffes to preserve their colonies and habitats.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: African Wildlife Foundation. “The World’s Tallest Mammal Is at Risk of Becoming Extinct

         In the Wild.” African Wildlife Foundation, https://www.awf.org/wildlife-conservation/giraffe.