Ciao everyone! Welcome back, here is this week’s joke:

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because it was simple enough that even I understood it and I thought it was funny. I’m not a big sports person and I don’t know a lot about football, but seeing that Penn State is a Big 10 school, I might as well put in the effort to create my own crash course. Here are the basics of football, as per my 16-year-old brother:

To start off, the players:

Quarterback: “QB. Alright, so it’s the guy behind the center who gets the ball and throws it at other goons or can hand it off, or if he’s gangster enough, he can run the ball himself. He is the most important player on the field and he can be old like Tom Brady.”

Tom Brady approves of this message

Center: “Aight he’s supposed to be the biggest guy on the line. He’s in the center of the line and he snaps the ball to the boso behind him. I gotta friend named Mike who’s not very big or tall and kinda defeats the point of a center.”

Wide Receiver: “Can I start talking? Alright, the wide receiver is the guy who tries to catch the ball thrown by the quarterback. They run routes and do a lot of spins and try to intercept the ball too.”

Water Boy: “Second most important role is responsible for keeping the team hydrated at all costs. It is very honorable to be chosen as a water boy and you have to be a master at mixing gatorade.”

Cue Adam Sandler

Some Rules:

1. “You can’t cross, what’s that line called? The line of scrimmage, right? You can’t cross it before the ball is snapped, otherwise it’s offsides and you get a penalty.”
2. “You can’t, uh, attack or punch or kick anyone in the balls.”
3. “You can’t taunt, they don’t like taunting cause they’re nerds and people complain about that. They’re just losers.” (As an aside: my dad has just informed me that the NFL stands for the “No Fun League.”)

The logo of the “No Fun League”

The Professionals:

“There are a ton of teams. A lot of them suck but that’s how most of the major league goes. The only good team from New York [we are from NY] is the Bills; the Giants and Jets are balls.”

“Tampa Bay and the Chiefs are both very good teams. They both have very good QB’s and there is also the Ravens who have Lamar Jackson but still kinda suck. I feel bad for any Baltimore sports fans because all their teams suck; for instance, the Orioles.” (As an aside: my dad informs me again that the Green Bay Packers are also very good.)

“Back to Tampa Bay, does Gronk play tight end? I think he does; yeah I was right. My boi Gronk on the Bucs, him and Brady are bois. He’s a pretty good tight end I’d say and he can do some runnings and catchings, basically a little bit of everything. He’s hosted game shows, which is pretty chad and he has a lot of brothers, I just know that.”

“What’s his face, he’s retired, I’m thinking of someone else. Oh Peyton Manning on the Broncos, whatever, but Peyton Manning had a really big forehead, but he’s retired though.”

Real image of Peyton Manning

A big shout out to my brother Chris for his help this week. Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers! 

Reference: Chris (my brother)