Ciao everyone! Here is this post’s joke:

Did you hear about the new dating site for retired chemists?

It’s called Carbon Dating!

This joke is excellent and I rate it 9.5/10 because I like science jokes. If I’m a single scientist 50 years from now, you’ll definitely find me on this site.

While roasting college romance culture would be entertaining, this week, we’ll be focusing on another type of dating: carbon dating.

According to Britannica, known also as radiocarbon dating, carbon-14 dating is used to determine the age of inorganic and organic materials. This process plays a role across several academic disciplines, from identifying ancient artifacts and understanding the lives of hominids to classifying rocks found in the Earth’s several layers.

checking out some old bonez

Taking a look at the history, “The carbon-14 method was developed by the American physicist Willard F. Libby about 1946. It has proved to be a versatile technique of dating fossils and archaeological specimens from 500 to 50,000 years old. The method is widely used by Pleistocene geologists, anthropologists, archaeologists, and investigators in related fields” (Britannica).

Carbon-14 is an isotope of carbon-12, which is the most abundant type of carbon. With 2 additional neutrons, carbon-14’s radioactivity plays a crucial role in carbon dating and through beta decay (by gaining an electron), will form stable nitrogen-14. 

However, with neutron interactions with nitrogen atoms in the environment, carbon-14 can be recreated in Earth’s atmosphere. This is due to increased exposure to cosmic rays, known as high-energy radiation, which increases rates of particle collisions to stimulate chemical reactions. 

Carbon-14, or radiocarbon, also comes from carbon dioxide molecules in the atmosphere. After being absorbed by the carbon cycle and plants, this isotope is recirculated among organic matter and reused.

That’s great, but how does carbon dating work?

By exposing matter to carbon-14, it will absorb it, and once the specimen is no longer exposed, it will gradually decrease in concentration of the isotope. Radioactive elements have half lives, meaning that over a certain interval of time, they will half their concentration. From here, the amount of the isotope will decay at a constant and measurable rate. Carbon-14 has a half life of 5,730 ± 40 years, which is insanely long.

Through spontaneous disintegration, which is basically radioactive decay, carbon-14 will half its concentration after 5,730 years. Because carbon-14 decays at this constant rate, an estimate of the date at which an organism died can be made by measuring the amount of its residual radiocarbon (Britannica).

Carbon-14 is special because of its half life, which is so incredibly long that it gives researchers time to determine how much carbon-14 is present versus the amount of carbon-12 present. This is a great achievement in historical fields, but how else can we use other radioactive isotopes?

Well, they play an important role in modern medicine, in which half lives can be utilized to track the concentration of certain drugs or treatments in the human body. Very short half lives are desired, which is why Yttrium-90, Iodine-131, Samarium-153, and Phosphorus-32 are used, because who wants chemicals in their body? Not I.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: “Carbon-14 Dating.” Edited by The Editors of Encyclopædia Britannica,

                 Encyclopædia  Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc.,

                 https://www.britannica.com/science/carbon-14-dating.

Ciao everyone! Welcome back. Here is this week’s joke:

How much did it cost for a pirate to get his ears pierced?

A buccaneer! 

I would rate this joke a 9.25/10 because I think it’s clever. I know it made me laugh and I hope you guys enjoyed it too.

This wouldn’t be a blog by me if I didn’t include a pure history post for you all. We tend to see pirates all over the place, from blockbuster movie franchises to Halloween costumes to history textbooks; so what are some of the basics we know about these swashbucklers? Arrrrrrre you ready kids? The only acceptable response would be “aye aye, captain!”

The classical definition of a pirate is someone who commits piracy, which would include robbing and plundering ships. I think I’d also characterize them as extremely stylish with excellent hats, high boots, and nice golden jewelry.

As early as the Vikings, Phoenicians, and the Roman Empire, sailors have been marauding ships for ages. I’d like to focus on the prime of piracy, which was between the sixteenth and eighteenth century, most notably called the Golden Age of Piracy.

Like most things, piracy across the western hemisphere can be attributed to the Age of Exploration and colonialism in North, South, and Latin America.

After Christopher Columbus’ travels to the West Indies, several Spanish ships frequented this voyage over the Atlantic and the Caribbean, transporting goods back and forth among the colonies and Europe. Silver, gold, and other precious stones and gems were carried back to the Spanish monarchs, or rather, were attempted to be brought back. The Royal Museums of Greenwich state that these large ships, called galleons, were massive targets for pirates.

Low and behold, when the lovely Jolly Roger or Black Pearl was spotted from the crow’s nest, thievery was about to commence. Pirates were pretty violent and even raided coastal towns with accessible docks when floating ships weren’t enough.

The buccaneers were the pirates that robbed galleons, since they lived on Hispaniola in the Caribbean and its tiny turtle-shaped neighbor, Tortuga, in the 17th century.  Maybe you’ve heard of this from the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, which is more accurate than you may think.

Most surprising is that “the governors of Caribbean islands paid the buccaneers to attack Spanish treasure ships. Although raids began in this way, with official backing, the buccaneers gradually became out of control, attacking any ship they thought carried valuable cargo, whether it belonged to an enemy country or not. The buccaneers had become true pirates” (Royal Museums of Greenwich).

Captain Jack Sparrow’s story and his encounters appear to be historically correct, since several scenes picture the local royalty paying thieves under their finely ornamented tables. While one of Johnny Depp’s iconic roles is simply fictitious, it was based off of real-life pirate John Ward, an Englishmen turned Muslim after settling down.

Other famous eye-patch-baring and gold-tooth-sporting pirates worth mentioning are Henry Morgan, William ‘Captain’ Kidd, ‘Calico’ Jack Rackham, Bartholomew Roberts and Blackbeard. While modern pirates may still survey unvigilant seas, I still think they’re pretty cool.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here, or perhaps in this case, walk the plank. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Royal Museums Greenwich. “The Golden Age of Piracy.” Royal Museums Greenwich,

               Royal Museums Greenwich, https://www.rmg.co.uk/stories/topics/golden-age-piracy. 

Ciao everyone! Welcome back, and enjoy this week’s joke:

What do you call a fake noodle?

An impasta!

I would rate this joke a 9.75/10 because it just sounds funny. Simple.

I come from a robust Italian household that thrives off the aroma of garlic, freshly cooked pasta, and loud yelling ringing throughout the house. Of course, not to forget the sauce vs. gravy debate that seems to be splitting the family…

Therefore, I feel like it’s only logical to take a look at one of the best foods: pasta. This is my typical Sunday afternoon, and no offense, but the dining hall food can’t even compare to it. Sucks.

In this post, I will highlight some types of pasta and rate them based on taste, texture, and tummy feel, and of course provide unnecessary comments.

-Spaghetti:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 8/10

Tummy feel: 9/10

Spaghetti may be the obvious, and perhaps most sought out type, but there are so many better options. It tastes good but it’s overused and quite stereotypical.

-Farfalle:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 9.5/10

Tummy feel: 9/10

Farfalle, also known as the “bow tie” pasta, is great for holding sauce in its crevices. My only critique is that it’s hard to stab with a fork.

-Ravioli:

Taste: 1/10

Texture: 2/10

Tummy feel: 1/10

I absolutely don’t like ravioli. I don’t eat most cheeses (I don’t wanna hear about it) so I dislike these stuffed pockets of dough.

-Gemelli:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 10/10

Tummy feel: 10/10

We frequent gemelli often in my house and it works well with plenty of dishes. They’re small so they’re not super filling, which is nice for lighter meals.

-Linguine:

Taste: 8/10

Texture: 8/10

Tummy feel: 8/10

Like spaghetti, linguine seems like a popular pick among most people. It’s good but plain flat noodles can be boring.

-Orecchiette:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 9/10

Tummy feel: 10/10

This type of pasta, known as “little ears,” is pretty tasty. It holds sauce well but they can be hard to scoop up because they’re small.

-Gnocchi:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 8/10

Tummy feel: 3/10

I like gnocchi but gnocchi doesn’t like me. I’ll only eat it if it’s not stuffed with anything, but it’s just so filling.

-Rigatoni:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 9/10

Tummy feel: 8/10

Rigatoni is my brother’s favorite type of pasta. My dad’s side of the family makes it, but I haven’t had it in awhile.

-Macaroni:

Taste: 6/10

Texture: 6/10

Tummy feel: 7/10

I have somewhat of a problem with the shape of macaroni. They have a high dough-to-volume ratio and can be too chewy. You probably won’t see me eating macaroni.

-Lasagne:

Taste: 8/10

Texture: 9/10

Tummy feel: 8/10

Primarily used for lasagna, these noodles, evidently, play a key role. My mom’s side of the family makes fantastic lasagna.

-Tortellini:

Taste: 1/10

Texture: 2/10

Tummy feel: 2/10

I don’t like tortellini because they’re usually stuffed with cheese. Therefore, for similar reasons why I don’t like ravioli, they are ranked very low.

Bonus: Polenta:

Taste: 10/10

Texture: 9/10

Tummy feel: 8/10

While polenta isn’t pasta, this cornmeal blend that can either be mashed or sliced is so tasty. We’re having it more in my house now and it’s awesome.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Arrivederci. Until next time my jokers! 

Reference: Me 🙂

Ciao everyone! Welcome, here’s another meme:

This is an easy 10/10 because this meme format is perfect. Although I wasn’t a big Jimmy Neutron kid, I respect the many memes made from the iconic characters. In fact, Jimmy’s own last name plays a part of the pun here.

Anyways, here we have back-to-back history posts, but I promise it won’t be a disaster, unlike Chernobyl…

According to Britannica, the Chernobyl disaster is the result of an accident at a Soviet Union nuclear power plant in 1986. In my own words, the USSR made a yikesy move.

Chernobyl, the name of the city containing the power plant, was located in Northern Ukraine, which was pretty deep inside the iron curtain. With four reactors, each capable of producing 1,000 megawatts of electric power, communist leaders were eager to keep this factory alive to fuel possible Cold War efforts.

It’s hard to say exactly what happened when reactor Unit 4 backfired on April 26th, 1986, since the government, at the time, did their best to cover up the occurring events.

I’m assuming there was mass panic among the technicians, who abruptly shut off most of the power, leaving only 7% power on, as reported by Britannica. I don’t know why they chose 7%, but the number doesn’t seem so lucky now.

The energy from the faulty reactor formed a large fireball, which eventually blew off its lid. Thus, the graphite reactor core let the pent-up radioactive material out of the melting unit. I think we can all agree that air + radioactive material = bad. Not so excellent…

While 30,000 inhabitants of Pryp’yat, the nearest city to Chernobyl, began to be evacuated, “Swedish monitoring stations reported abnormally high levels of wind-transported radioactivity and pressed for an explanation” (Britannica). Gottem.

Not really, actually. While the USSR sloppily swept this problem under the carpet, in fact, the real losers here were neighboring lands inside and outside the Soviet Union. Wind currents carried toxic waste over large areas, from Belarus, Russia, and Ukraine to non-USSR countries such as France and Italy. The number of casualties began to rise faster than Stalin’s original ascent to power.

With somewhere between two to fifty deaths from the physical reactor explosion, the effects of radiation poisoning spread. According to Britannica, “Millions of acres of forest and farmland were contaminated, and, although many thousands of people were evacuated, hundreds of thousands more remained in contaminated areas. In addition, in subsequent years many livestock were born deformed, and among humans several thousand radiation-induced illnesses and cancer deaths were expected in the long term.”

Basically, the air was more toxic than high school cliques. Politics were on fire at this point. The Chernobyl disaster was truly terrible and provenly killed more people than the atomic bombs in Hiroshima and Nagasaki combined. Man, the advancements of warfare.

But the fall of Chernobyl showed the absolute failure of the Soviet Union and their apparent weakness. The disaster conveyed the flaws of communism and the disadvantages of having such a terrible authoritarian reign. This, along with the inevitable shutdown of the last reactor in 2000, sent the old communist party packing. Of course, Russia’s government is highly controversial, but it’s insane to see how it changed over such a short period of time.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: “Chernobyl Disaster.” Edited by Encyclopædia Britannica, Encyclopædia Britannica,         

               Encyclopædia Britannica, Inc., 30 Nov. 2021, https://www.britannica.com/event/Chernobyl-

               disaster. 

Ciao everyone! Welcome back to the blog. Here’s another joke for you all:

An Englishman, a Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German are all watching an American street performer do some juggling. The juggler notices that the four gentlemen have a very poor view, so he stands on a wooden crate and calls out, “Can you all see me now?”

“Yes.”

“Oui.”

“Sí.”

“Ja.”

At first, I read this joke and didn’t get it, but after reading it out loud I thought it was funny. I rate it a 8.75/10. Phonetics man.

French, Spanish, and German all played a role in the evolution of the English language, which is the most spoken language in the world. Although I wish I was fluent in another language to blog about, I will stick to the creation of Modern English.

No no I won’t bore you with all the linguistic evidence (because I don’t think I could even comprehend it myself), but here’s the chronology of this language cocktail. Let’s see how the following languages played a role, as reported by the Oxford International English Schools:

German:

After the Jutes, Saxons and Angles invaded Great Britain after the 5th Century to acquire their land, the invaders spread their early Germanic language. This took over the old Celtic-based English spoken by the British. As Charlemagne’s empire grew, German spread, and the British vacated to modern-day Scotland and Ireland.

Old English:

Of course, with the decline of this empire and the rise of the Middle Ages, Old English was spoken among peasants. While still a blend of the Anglo-Saxon language, authors such as  Cynewulf and Aldhelm, who were leading figures in the world of Anglo-Saxon literature, contributed to its evolution. As leaders in Christian poetry, devoted religious followers, especially before the Crusades, learned Old English from the 5th to 10th century.

Old English alphabet used by Anglo-Saxons

French (Latin):

The English language changed again between the 10th and 11th century, in which Norman invasions brought French elements to Old English. French, as a romance language, is derived from Latin, which was created circa the Roman Empire. So, it’s safe to say that the people of Gaul’s bastardization of Latin later created “Middle English.” 

Middle English:

Up until the 14th century, Middle English was spoken, especially after the publication of Geofrey Chaucer’s “Canterbury Tales.” This strayed from the Germanic roots and embraced the French-based English.

Middle English? More like Gibberish

Modern-ish English:

Building off of Middle English, the Renaissance influenced Modern English. The cultural rebirth during this time, as well as increased worldliness, led to more infusion and variety of dialects, probably caused by increased tolerance. This is seen up until the 17th century. 

Spanish (Latin):

Around the same time Middle English and Modern-ish English were created, Spanish roots were mixed in. This can be attributed to Spanish Inquisition and colonization, with cultural diffusion’s prime in the 16th century. Natives and foreign explorers furthered the entanglement of several dialects in order to communicate.

Modern English (Current):

Around the 18th century, Shakespeare and the rise of the British Empire created the standards for Modern English. With West African, Native American, Spanish and European influences, Modern English became its own melting pot that was spread across the world through imperialism and military endeavors.

While these are all versions of Modern English, several dialects have arose

Woohoo English is great, but certain accents are really what make the language. This could be the sole topic of its own for a blog post.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Oxford International English Schools. “A Brief History of the English Language.” Oxford                  International English Schools, Oxford International English Schools, 22 Oct. 2020,                       https://www.oxfordinternationalenglish.com/a-brief-history-of-the-english-language/. 

Ciao everyone! Welcome back, here is this week’s joke:

What did the football coach say to the broken vending machine?

Give me my quarterback!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because it was simple enough that even I understood it and I thought it was funny. I’m not a big sports person and I don’t know a lot about football, but seeing that Penn State is a Big 10 school, I might as well put in the effort to create my own crash course. Here are the basics of football, as per my 16-year-old brother:

To start off, the players:

Quarterback: “QB. Alright, so it’s the guy behind the center who gets the ball and throws it at other goons or can hand it off, or if he’s gangster enough, he can run the ball himself. He is the most important player on the field and he can be old like Tom Brady.”

Tom Brady approves of this message

Center: “Aight he’s supposed to be the biggest guy on the line. He’s in the center of the line and he snaps the ball to the boso behind him. I gotta friend named Mike who’s not very big or tall and kinda defeats the point of a center.”

Wide Receiver: “Can I start talking? Alright, the wide receiver is the guy who tries to catch the ball thrown by the quarterback. They run routes and do a lot of spins and try to intercept the ball too.”

Water Boy: “Second most important role is responsible for keeping the team hydrated at all costs. It is very honorable to be chosen as a water boy and you have to be a master at mixing gatorade.”

Cue Adam Sandler

Some Rules:

1. “You can’t cross, what’s that line called? The line of scrimmage, right? You can’t cross it before the ball is snapped, otherwise it’s offsides and you get a penalty.”
2. “You can’t, uh, attack or punch or kick anyone in the balls.”
3. “You can’t taunt, they don’t like taunting cause they’re nerds and people complain about that. They’re just losers.” (As an aside: my dad has just informed me that the NFL stands for the “No Fun League.”)

The logo of the “No Fun League”

The Professionals:

“There are a ton of teams. A lot of them suck but that’s how most of the major league goes. The only good team from New York [we are from NY] is the Bills; the Giants and Jets are balls.”

“Tampa Bay and the Chiefs are both very good teams. They both have very good QB’s and there is also the Ravens who have Lamar Jackson but still kinda suck. I feel bad for any Baltimore sports fans because all their teams suck; for instance, the Orioles.” (As an aside: my dad informs me again that the Green Bay Packers are also very good.)

“Back to Tampa Bay, does Gronk play tight end? I think he does; yeah I was right. My boi Gronk on the Bucs, him and Brady are bois. He’s a pretty good tight end I’d say and he can do some runnings and catchings, basically a little bit of everything. He’s hosted game shows, which is pretty chad and he has a lot of brothers, I just know that.”

“What’s his face, he’s retired, I’m thinking of someone else. Oh Peyton Manning on the Broncos, whatever, but Peyton Manning had a really big forehead, but he’s retired though.”

Real image of Peyton Manning

A big shout out to my brother Chris for his help this week. Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers! 

Reference: Chris (my brother)

Ciao everyone! For today’s post, I’ve found the first meme of the semester:

This image is powerful and I definitely rate it 10/10. Absolutely complex. There are layers to this meme and I was shocked when I found it. Perfection.

Shrek is perhaps my favorite movie, though I do love several others. This blog post was heavily inspired by my Ted Talk and research paper from last semester, which featured our favorite ogre. Can you believe that Shrek is over 20 years old?

In commemoration, here are some in’s and out’s about the process of creating this iconic film:

Number 1: The plot wasn’t as appreciated as it is today. 

Shrek, as a reclusive, selfish, temperamental, and closed-minded ogre in his swamp, didn’t automatically achieve the approval ratings the producers desired. A New York Times article reports that the idea of an ogre as the protagonist brought about doubts regarding ticket sales. Apparently, meeting after meeting, it was believed that straying from the traditional prince and princess wouldn’t engage audiences. Oh how they were wrong…

I partially blame the writers’ lack of imagination and ignorance for this misconception. Yes, we often see Disney creating the perfect “happily ever afters,” but it’s important to acknowledge that being happy and achieving success can come in several different forms for different people. Shrek obviously demonstrates that.

Number 2: No one wanted to work on this project.

Shrek, inherently, was the black sheep of DreamWorks production. It was the problem child of all the running projects. “Getting sent to ‘Shrek’ felt like being sent to Siberia,” the director Vicky Jenson recalled. Why?

Well, the main characters in Shrek were criticized for being “too difficult” to animate and posed as too advanced and too “challenging” for the artists on the design team. Archaic and out-dated technology at the time can be attributed to this. Additionally, other past projects such as Aladdin and The Road to El Dorado were taken more seriously by staff, while Shrek was continuously considered as satire and made the daily job insincere. Perhaps that’s what makes it so hilarious and appealing!

Number 3: There was debate over originality. 

Across the internet, several journalists will argue that Shrek directly copies the plot of The Princess Bride (1987). Personally, I don’t see how these films are identical; while there are some parallels, like a friendly giant and the formation of a band of misfits, I really think that Shrek is more on the original side.

But what ethos does an 18-year-old girl have? None apparently, but I would say that the masses agree with me here. The Princess Bride clearly lacks the onion metaphors and the monster archetype we’ve all grown to love.

Number 4: Hidden casting issues that no one talks about played a role.

Mike Meyers, who voices Shrek in the film, wasn’t the original actor casted. It was actually Chris Farley, former star of Saturday Night Live, that was supposed to become our green hero. His untimely passing in 1997 led to the abdication of the role.

Chris Farley, the OG Shrek

However unfortunate that Farley had recorded many of his lines, directors loved Mike Meyers and his Scottish take on Shrek. According to the New York Times, Meyers was the one who coined the phrase, “Better out than in.” Love it.

It was fascinating to read about the secrets of this cinematic masterpiece and I hope you enjoyed the nice Marvel reference in the meme (from Avengers: Infinity War).

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Cherelus, Gina. “’Shrek’ at 20: How a Chaotic Project Became a Beloved Hit.”

                 The New York Times,  The New York Times, 18 May 2021,             

                 https://www.nytimes.com/2021/05/18/movies/shrek-20th- anniversary.html. 

Ciao everyone! Here is this week’s joke:

What do you get when two giraffes collide?

A giraffic-jam!

I would rate this joke a 10/10 out of personal bias because giraffes are my favorite animals. Thus, this post will pay homage to one of the wackiest animals to roam the Earth.

Giraffa Camelopardalis, more commonly known as the giraffe, is known to be the tallest mammal in the world and is a distant relative to the camel. Let’s pull a Steve Irwin and do an overview:

According to the African Wildlife Foundation, giraffes, on average, are about 5.7 meters tall from the ground to their horns, which is equivalent to 18.7 feet. Males weigh around 1,930 kilograms and females weigh around 1,180 kilograms, respectively equating to 4,254 pounds and 2,601 pounds. Giraffes can be found in habitats that are filled with open grassy plains and dense shaded forests. As a native to more than 15 African countries, you’ll most likely find giraffes milling around Kenya, South Africa, Botswana, Tanzania, Namibia, and Cameroon. I would love to someday do one of those safaris in South Africa and then stay at the giraffe hotels.

What else do we know about this species? Well, they have a life span around 10 to 15 years in the wild and have a gestation period between 13 to 15 months. Day-to-day functions are sponsored by valves in the blood vessels in giraffes’ necks to prevent the backwards flow and potential build up of blood, which could be extremely dangerous.

When residing in the nearest savannah or woodlands in the Sahara, watering holes may be scarce, so giraffes can go days without drinking. Additionally, as an herbivore, you can definitely count on giraffes snacking on the nearest acacia tree, although they do eat over 93 other varieties of plants. The African Wildlife Foundation reports that, “They feed 16 to 20 hours a day, but may only consume about 30 kilograms (about 30 pounds) of foliage during that time. These two-ton mammals can survive on as little as seven kilograms (15 pounds) of foliage per day.” I think my brother eats more than them to be honest.

Anatomically, giraffes also pose as a natural phenomenon. These desert-dwellers have been heavily studied in fields of Darwinian Evolution and developmental biology, since they vastly differ from most known animals. Earlier ancestors with longer necks had less competition for food sources, so that favorable trait was passed on. 

With lengthy necks and spindly legs, the giraffe is often underestimated as a primary predator in food webs. With the capability to run 32-60 km/hr (20-37 mph), giraffes can run for long distances to avoid starving lions, leopards, hyenas, and crocodiles. When they’re unable to run away from their problems, as inevitable as it is, the giraffe will use the horns on its head, called ossicones, to battery ram itself into predators. Now this is a smackdown that puts giraffes, quite literally, on another level. Talk about survival of the fittest, or rather, the tallest.

he needs your help 🙁

However, giraffes are currently an endangered species due to poaching, and I am truly disgusted by this. I really hope that this illegal hunting and trafficking can be prevented, since this breed plays a significant role in several ecosystems. I hope to spread awareness regarding this issue and learn as much as we can about giraffes to preserve their colonies and habitats.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: African Wildlife Foundation. “The World’s Tallest Mammal Is at Risk of Becoming Extinct

         In the Wild.” African Wildlife Foundation, https://www.awf.org/wildlife-conservation/giraffe. 

Ciao everyone! Welcome to an entire semester’s worth of corny jokes. Here is the blog’s first post of the new semester:

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?

Because if they flew over the bay they’d be bagels!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because I think its simplicity makes this pun seem effortless and funny. I hope it made you guys laugh too.

I think we can agree that bagels are a solid option for breakfast, except without cream cheese because I don’t like it at all. But before a “favorite bagel spread” debate begins, it’s important to acknowledge where bagels come from.

First off, what is a bagel? This is a bagel:

Exhibit A: boiled and baked dough in a circular shape with a hole in the middle.

This heavenly plop of bread dates back to 14th century Poland, where large migrations of people brought over this idea that was heavily based on German pretzels, according to an article from The Atlantic. Obwarzanek, as the Polish deemed, became a common product for higher-class citizens, perhaps not looking the same as our modern bagels though. Queen Jadwiga of Poland, at the time, had a high affinity for obwarzanek since they differed from the typical sugary and overused pastries. From here, bagels became a prevalent part of the diets of men and women with the means to afford them. The Poles basically said, “bougie pretzels, but let’s add a little spice.”

Another rendition of the bagel is seen in late 17th century Austria. Apparently, “bagels were invented in 1683 by a Viennese baker trying to pay tribute to the King of Poland, Jan Sobieski. The king had led Austria [and Poland] in repelling invading Turkish armies” (Weinzweig). However doubtful that this was the prototype, the true appearance of a bagel, or beugel in German, was created to represent the stirrup used by the king, ultimately establishing the signature shape.

17th century Polish bagel style

But let’s go back to Poland again. While most of the immigrants were German, there was a substantial number of Jews that moved to Poland to avoid persecution. As Christianity spread across the world, especially through the Crusades, the Silk Road, and the growing Age of Exploration, there were those that were not religiously tolerant and were inclined towards violence. High key seems to be a trend throughout history…

Anyways, the Church viewed Jews as “enemies” and didn’t permit them to bake bread, which symbolically represented the body of Jesus Christ. This sounds like a lame excuse in my opinion. I’m sure most of us know that bagels come from Jewish decent, so here’s exactly why:

Poland, back then, was a safe haven and was extremely tolerant, similar to Genghis Khan and his empire around the same time. In 1264, Polish Prince Boleslaw the Pious said, “Jews may freely buy and sell and touch bread like Christians,” which allowed for more commercial baking. Apparently boiling bread, instead of traditionally letting the dough rise and then be baked, was accepted by Christians. The Jews, inherently, adopted this product out of necessity, which later took the world by storm.

More immigration led to the bagel rolling into American culture. We love globalization. Thanks to the creation of bagels, you’ll find plenty of college kids packed around the Starbucks at the Hub, slouching in line at the nearest commons’ Edge, or even strolling downtown to go to Irving’s or Bagel Crust for brunch.

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: Weinzweig, Ari. “The Secret History of Bagels.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 17 July 2013, https://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2009/03/the-secret-history-of-bagels/6928/. 

Ciao everyone! I can’t believe that this is the last post of the semester. In efforts to channel the upcoming break, here is a nice joke pertaining to the holiday:

Why was the turkey put in jail?

The police suspected fowl play!

I would rate this joke a 9/10 because I like the pun here. I know I enjoyed it and I hope you guys found it funny as well!

But why should we care about turkeys? Are they associated with Thanksgiving because of their loaded tryptophan concentration? In fact, why do we have turkeys at all?

Well, in the past, we simply didn’t. The first Thanksgiving didn’t have turkey, traditional family gatherings, post-dinner naps, or enraging football games.  Sounds kind of boring, but in reality, it’s important to acknowledge the history of this holiday and its origin.

I’m assuming that most of us are familiar with the Pilgrims, who voyaged on the Mayflower in September 1620. We all know that April showers bring May flowers, but what do Mayflowers bring? Pilgrims, apparently.

With only 102 passengers that landed in Plymouth, Massachusetts after a 66-day trip, the Pilgrims seemed more than happy to escape England. As a group of Puritans that were persecuted by the Catholic monarchy, refuge in the American colonies was a pretty solid idea. Life was looking pretty good, until the winter hit…

Weather exposure wracked the bodies of the colonists, scurvy silently killed select groups, and contagious diseases caused countless casualties. Everything looked pretty bleak for the remaining half of the Pilgrims and they were ready to return to their homeland.

History.com states that, “In March, the remaining settlers moved ashore, where they received an astonishing visit from a member of the Abenaki tribe who greeted them in English.” From here, their friendship, especially with a friendly Native American, named Squanto, grew. Squanto, originally a previous slave captured by a past English settler, taught the Pilgrims how to cultivate corn, extract sap from maple trees, catch fish in the rivers, and avoid poisonous plants. He also helped the settlers forge an alliance with the Wampanoag, a local tribe, which would endure for more than 50 years and remains one of the sole examples of harmony between European colonists and Native Americans (History.com).

To celebrate this relationship, as well as a bountiful harvest, the Pilgrims and the Wampanoag, on Thursday, November 25, 1621, had a festive dinner. Lobster, seal, and swans were on the Pilgrims’ menu, which is way different from what we see nowadays. Thanksgiving Day was named a national holiday in the United States in 1863, in the midst of the Civil War. From here, President Abraham Lincoln proclaimed a national Thanksgiving Day to be held each November.

Unrelated, but I was digging through the archives of the blog and found this from my first post: “The purpose of this blog is to make people laugh, or cringe, or perhaps even feel a small distraction from our overwhelming and crazy lives as college freshmen. I know that I was, and still am, feeling stressed, and I believe that sharing this small happiness with others can make a world of difference.” Hang in there for finals season guys and catch ya on the flip side. 

Now, it’s my turn to make like a tree and get out of here. Until next time my jokers!

Reference: History.com Editors. “Thanksgiving 2021.” History.com, A&E Television Networks, 27 Oct.                                    2009, https://www.history.com/topics/thanksgiving/history-of-thanksgiving.