Starting as the “easy Mac with the cheesy raps,” who was a frat boy go-to at day longs, to becoming an authentic voice that spoke of the rawness of life, Mac Miller was the epitome of a kid just trying to figure life out. He is one person I will always regret never getting to experience in real life.

I have to come clean and say that I was not always a fan. Mac’s initial persona of a peppy, frat boy from Pittsburgh, who sang about girls and parties, was just too mainstream to enjoy outside of parties. But, playing Senior Skip Day on a good sunny day makes me feel guilty that I ever criticized him for being.. well, carefree and happy.

He was just enjoying life, telling us to “ummmm… follow your dreams?.” This statement at the beginning of the track The Spins shows how he was really just a kid, unsure himself, trying to “enjoy the best things in life, cause [we] ain’t ganna get to live it twice.” He ecstatically sings about life as he graduates high school and finally gets to embark the vicarious life of college and rap. And his 2011 album Best Day Ever, highlights his rise to stardom as he has a sort of ‘rags to riches’ moment. Even if you’ve never voluntarily listened to a Mac Miller song before, you’ve definitely heard Donald Trump, a single off of Best Day Ever, that became extremely popular during Trump’s campaign five years later which was mocked by the current president himself. Just to clear things up, Mac was referring to the pre-presidential, business magnate Donald Trump in the money inspired song which highlighted Mac’s ambitions to become wealthy and successful like Trump. Despite some criticism, Mac sings “no matter where life takes me, find me with a smile. Pursuit to be happy, only laughing like a child…Life couldn’t get better. This gon’ be the best day ever.”

I wish I didn’t just brush him off during this part of his career because there was this innocence and carefree-ness that sort of just slipped away as “adulthood” settled in.  Things definitely got knotty for him as he shot to fame. Criticism and confusion on where his career was going, along with his “frat-rap” association, probed him to turn to promethazine. Although he eventually kicks this habit, that will not be his last interaction with hard drugs. Either way, he ditches Pittsburgh for glamorous Los Angeles, where he begins to hang with a few of the “big dog” collectives, such as Odd Future and Kendrick Lamar. Mac’s sophomore album in 2013, Watching Movies With the Sound Off, begins to showcase the artist’s newly found musical maturity and even a sense of pain from the bad year that passed. The song REMember, was not only a dedication to Ruben Eli Mitrani, a friend of his who passed, but it was also when Mac vocalizes his realization that he isn’t a kid anymore. He could no longer do reckless things and turn out fine at the end of the day.

“I know I’ve been the shit. All this people full of me..It’s a dark science when your friends start dying. Like how could he go? He was part lion.” He comes to the realization that he is no longer invincible, which every teen comes to at some point.

Mac debuts his creaky, wailing singing voice in this album, which sits deep with me. His self-awareness and open honesty about his struggles began attracting a new fanbase. As a dark world of depression and addiction settled on Mac, he began producing smooth, intimate, jazzy sounds. A large part of his current fanbase, including me, really began appreciating him during The Third Act, with The Devine Feminine, and Swimming. These recent albums spoke about love (Devine Feminine) and self care (Swimming). The Third act really signified the growth of an angsty teen into a functional adult who is somewhat lost.

Listening to Come Back to Earth on Swimming is somber because it is one of the best examples of how lost he had become. He lays himself out by saying, “I just need a way out of my head,” Although the song features some aspects of the peppy Mac, he returns to “I was drowning, but now I’m swimming.” Even at some of his desperate times, he had hope. This showed in the jazzy, melodies of his somber songs. And that is what infatuated me. It was almost as if he entered the jazzy section of a record shop, collects chaotic samples out of the music, records bass, piano and drums, and in the end, pulls these disparate elements together to create a masterpiece of turmoil yet peace.

Unfortunately, these would be some of the final albums he’d release. Mac’s struggle with addiction and depression would take over his life. He passed away on September 7th, 2018, due to an accidental Fentanyl, Cocaine overdose.

There are many lessons, good and bad, that I take from the life Mac lived. It’s sad to see how as the innocence he was criticized for disappeared, he slipped into a somber and helpless world. He reminds me to never forget who I am at heart.

Keep smiling Mac, just as you continue to make us smile.