Selflessness.  It’s the well-respected trait that those who want to be “good” people aspire to possess.  Selflessness is often defined as putting everyone above yourself.  It sounds like a great thing.  You aren’t self-serving and greedy if you are always prioritizing other people.  But it’s a little more complicated than that.

I will start off by saying that selflessness is a great thing, and I love to be there for other people at all times.  Sometimes even when it is very inconvenient for me.  But that’s what selflessness is, right?  Caring about others more than yourself?  I do think it’s important to look out for other people and be kind, but we also need to make sure to take care of ourselves along the way.  Sometimes we can be a little too selfless when we neglect self-care for the sake of others.

When my friends are stressed or going through stuff, I always want to be there to listen.  But sometimes I have so many of my own problems resting on my back that I can’t take anymore.  But what can you do when your friend is crying in front of you?  I bear it, even if I hurt myself in the process.  It is quite a dilemma because I do find a sense of happiness in helping others even though it can drain me to do so.  A dear friend of mine gives me advice similar to this quote.  He tells me to be a little selfish sometimes because I care for others so much.  I know I will never stop caring.  But maybe I can give more of that care to myself, too.

Keeping this in mind when you want to confide in others, a good practice is asking someone if they have enough emotional space for taking on the burden of your problems.  I think it’s a very good question to ask that respects a person’s emotional boundaries.  If everyone tries to keep this in mind, then maybe people will push us to consider the strain on our emotional states every now and then.

It is definitely possible to both be there for other people and to take care of yourself.  It certainly requires a great deal of balancing, but you do not need to completely sacrifice one for the other.  We can strive to be there for others and ourselves.  Selflessness is a beautiful thing, but so is self-love.