Category Archives: Music

Music & ME!

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On this blog, I have talked quite a bit about music, particularly my favorite queer musicians and how deeply in love with Taylor Swift I am and what impact they have all had on me. One facet I have yet to explore on here, however, is the interconnections between music and identity, mostly because I have only recently been challenged to think about this connection in terms of the development of my own identity and the significance of music towards that.  As I have grown into and keep growing into my identity and who I am, the extent to which I share my music with those around me has been synonymous with comfort and understanding I have of myself.

A Close Examination of Taylor Swift's 1989 Cover

1989 Album Cover

The first album that I ever loved so much that it shaped part of who I am was 1989 by Taylor Swift. One of my childhood friends convinced me to listen to it and love it, but I remember when often being ridiculed by my family for the music, claiming it was not good and questioning why I listened to it. From then on, I loved the album only in secret, listening only with myself and never telling any friends beyond the one who introduced me how important the album was. At the same time, I was starting to have some vague questions about my identity, not inherently relating to my sexuality, but just with who I feel like I am. While it may have been silly, the denial of listening to the music that was important to me and having it ridiculed really harmed the extent to which I felt I could share myself with my family. It also made me ashamed to like Taylor Swift, and I didn’t listen to any of her following albums.

Fast forward a few years, and the sheer uncertainty of who I am has grown exponentially as I navigate messy high school experiences. Throughout the time since 1989 and the time I am talking about, my music moments had included What if Nothing by Walk the Moon (same band as Shut Up and Dance with Me), an AJR phase (yes, they are a little weird – but some of their music is good and quite meaningful), and a big Beatles moment (the entirety of my sophomore year of high school. I shared none of this music with those around me, but welcomed when others shared their music with me, which was pretty symbolic of me hiding to everyone around me.

folklore, but gay

A meme that I do relate to

Fast forward a little more to quarantine 2020. During this time, I was in the trenches of questioning my sexuality and part of how I navigated that was consuming as much LGBTQ+ media as possible – movies, TV shows, YouTube channels. By the end of the summer, I was pretty confident that I was a lesbian, but music was the final solidifying piece for me. In a wholesome, full circle moment, the album that brought a new certainty to who I am was folklore by Taylor Swift. I had listened to the album because my TikTok feed had been talking about potential queer coding in songs (specifically “Seven” and “Illicit Affairs”). As a newly identifying queer person, I felt an obligation to go listen, and secretly ten year-old me was overjoyed to be listening to Taylor again. It is one of my favorite albums to this day, and the rest is history.

Since then, I slowly grew into listening to more LGBTQ+ musicians as I continued growing into myself, but perhaps most importantly, I started opening up about the music I was listening to again. I would make my little brother listen to it in the car on the ride to school, unmoved by any negative comments. I am now unabashedly a Swiftie and am in the process of gradually converting all of my friends as well. (I could write an entire essay on how my acceptance of myself and my sexuality is directly connected to accepting and celebrating how much I love Taylor Swift and her music). I recently made a series of playlists for my best friends, inspired by some of my favorite times we hang out and just share music with each other

When people share a part of themselves with you, whether it is their sexuality or their story or their favorite song at the moment, listen to them with no judgement. This art of sharing ourselves with others is the fundamental piece of loving ourselves and those we care about.

For anyone who is curious, I am currently in a deep Fleetwood Mac and 70-80s music phase with a sprinkle of 90s rap, my continual Lucy Dacus obsession, and my fascination with Mitski’s new album “Laurel Hell”.

Go send your favorite song to someone you love and ask for theirs too. These moments of connections are the true music of our lives.

 

Welcome Back and Winter Break!

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Hello everyone, and welcome to a new semester! For anyone who may be new to my blog, I write all about the queer media and pop culture that I love and has impacted me the most. The entire premise is inspired by a book I adore called “The 2000s Made Me Gay” by Grace Perry in which she discusses through brilliant essays the media and pop culture that impacted her growing up, even if very little of it was queer. In pop culture today, there has certainly been a spur of LGBTQ+ representation in the past decade or so. And while there are always improvements to be made, I believe in celebrating what exists in terms of representation while encouraging more.

To start of the spring, I thought I would do a recap of all of the media I consumed over our lovely winter break. While not all of it was queer, a decent amount was, and these beautiful pieces all kept me occupied as I wonderfully did nothing for multiple weeks. A few of these titles, specifically “Dickinson” and “Encanto”, will be getting their own posts soon, so stay tuned!

Alice Oseman Updates on Twitter: "My copies of Heartstopper Vol 4 arrived!! I'm obsessed with the colours of this volume!! And the back cover is my fave so far. And the spines!!!!

Cover of Heartstopper Vol. 4.

One habit of mine that I cannot seem to shake is an inability to read during the semester. With so much other work to do, the most brain power I can dedicate to reading at most is re-reading titles that I have read multiple times. While I was initially excited about potentially reading new books over break, I feel into my old habits and only re-read books that I have read, specifically all Romantic Comedies. The books I read over break were “Red, White, and Royal Blue” by Casey McQuiston, “Something to Talk about” by Meryl Wilsner, “The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo”, “Hang the Moon” by Alexandria Bellefleur, and “Heartstopper” Vol. 4 by Alice Oseman.

Hang the Moon (Written in the Stars, #2) by Alexandria Bellefleur

Cover of “Hang the Moon” by Alexandria Bellefleur

Most of these books have been mentioned in other posts promptly because I am obsessed with them. Vol. 4 of Heartstopper was just released this winter, and when I saw it in a Barnes and Nobles one fateful Thursday, I immediately cancelled the Amazon pre-order I had placed months ago. “Something to Talk About” is a sapphic Rom-Com about a famous person in Hollywood and her assistant which does sound potentially terrible but is actually a very cute slow-burn that I highly recommend. The only other book not mentioned in a previous post is “Hang the Moon” by Alexandria Bellefleur, but the first book in the series, “Written in the Stars” (aka my favorite book of all time) is. This book is about Darcy’s brother Brendon and Darcy’s best friend Annie as he tries to rekindle her belief in romance through classic Rom-Com movie moves – cheesy perfection.

Hailee Steinfeld and Florence Pugh in 'Hawkeye' Episode 5, Kate Yelena | TVLine

Hailee Steinfeld (left) and Florence Pugh (right)

Beyond reading, I watched a few shows and movies, including an entire re-watch of New Girl, the new Disney animated movie “Encanto”, the series “Hawkeye” (purely for Hailee Steinfeld and Florence Pugh), and my favorite TV show, Dickinson. New Girl is just as good the fifth time around, Hawkeye was good enough, and Encanto is fantastic. Dickinson actually caused me a great amount of emotional pain over break because the series ended, but you will soon hear about my utter love and adoration for the show.

And as always, I accumulated an insane number of hours listening to music, but my favorite times were spent listening to “Speak Now” by Taylor Swift, “Extraordinary Machine” by Fiona Apple, and the Encanto Soundtrack.

(Taylor’s Version)

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Watch Taylor Swift's fantastical new music video for 'Willow'

To put it simply, I am in love with Taylor Swift. She is my top Spotify artist and one of my most personally significant artists beyond those mentioned in “Take It Away Mitstki”.  In honor of the release of the re-recording of her album “Red”, today’s blog is going to be entirely dedicated to Taylor and the impact she has had on my life.

If you are a swiftie, you may have heard the theories regarding whether Taylor may be LGBTQ+, with bisexual being most speculated. I am going to address these theories by quoting the inspiration for this whole blog, “The 2000s Made Me Gay” by Grace Perry: “Ultimately, Taylor’s own sexual identity doesn’t matter. Whether or not she’s queer doesn’t change the fact that [her music] guided my ascent into adulthood, that it carved out the kind of queer woman I’d grow up to be.”

Folklore (Taylor Swift album) - Wikipedia

“folklore” album cover

I rediscovered Taylor’s music when “folklore” came out in July 2020 right around the time when I was seriously trying to figure out my own sexuality. Before this album, I had only listened and worshipped “1989” because my middle school best friend loved Taylor and wanted me to listen to it. Since her music was not on Spotify until 2017 and I was a broke teenager, I wasn’t able to buy her other albums. Discovering “folklore” was the defining moment of my life. I started listening to it because my tiktok feed had indicated that some of the songs could certainly be queer coded, specifically “seven”, “illicit affairs”, and the entire “betty”, “cardigan”, “august” love triangle. The album helped me learn more about myself as I listened to it the entire rest of the summer and slowly expanded into her other albums.

None of her music is explicitly queer, but I would passionately argue that she writes from mostly gender-neutral perspectives. Her love songs are not overwhelmingly about loving men or loving women, they are just about loving people. This neutrality provides queer people the ability to relate her music to their own lives. For me, this meant thinking of Taylor’s music and how it has applied to me as a teenage lesbian going through her first relationships and various issues just as Taylor has herself.

I consider myself a full time swiftie, part time person. While some fans may say I am not a true swiftie and instead a “quarantine swiftie”, I am forever passionate about Taylor and the impact her music has had on my life, the lives of other people, and the music industry as well. Regardless of whether you have listened to Taylor, she is factually one of the most successful and influential artists in the music industry and she will continue to reign because of her fanbase of clowns who will bend to her will. Also though, if you haven’t listened to Taylor, what are you doing? Go listen right now. Here is my own Taylor playlist (give it a like?).

Now for some funnies, here are my list of things that make me a bad swifite besides the fact that I only started listening to her for real in 2020.

  1. I do believe the Maggie Rogers’s version of Tim McGraw is better than Taylor’s.
  2. I refused to listen to “Fearless” and “Red” before the re-recordings came out.
  3. I only recently listened to the entirety of “Debut” and “Speak Now” in-depth, but I regret not doing so earlier if its any redemption.

Taylor Swift "Evermore" is more and less "Folklore": review - Los Angeles Times

My Top 13 Favorite Taylor Songs

  1. august
  2. All Too Well (10 Minute Version) (Taylor’s Version) (Check out the short film!!) 
  3. ivy
  4. Nothing New (ft. Phoebe Bridgers)
  5. Death by A Thousand Cuts
  6. Clean
  7. mirrorball
  8. this is me trying
  9. The Other Side of The Door (Taylor’s Version)
  10. Call It What You Want
  11. Gorgeous
  12. marjorie
  13. Forever & Always (Piano Version) (Taylor’s Version)

 

Drop your favorite TS songs below besties!

“Take it Away, Mitski”

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Like many other people on this earth, music has guided me through my life. Over the past year, there have been a lot of major events in my life: last year of high school, first relationships, starting college, friendship turbulence, other personal issues, and most importantly, coming to terms with my sexuality. While the music I love has held my hand through it all, there is something to be said for the importance of queer artists and music in the lives of any person who identities in the LGBTQ+ community. And so, this post is very simply going to be a dedication to the queer musicians who have been most significant to me and the process of growing into myself.  However, it should be noted that these artists have helped me through some very sad periods of my life; by them sharing their identities and experiences about being queer, that vulnerability creates a powerful emotional connection through hard times.

Phoebe Bridgers - Punisher (cd) : Target

Cover of Phoebe Bridgers’s album “Punisher”.

First off, if you caught my post “5,6,7,8…”, then you know that I am in love with Phoebe Bridgers. So deeply in love that I genuinely had to weigh my options of spending the weekend with my sister visiting from college or going with a random girl from Tinder to see Phoebe concert in Pittsburgh because she offered me her extra ticket if we went together. While I unfortunately/fortunately said no, this situation is a perfect example of how Phoebe Bridgers and LGBTQ+ music, in general, is a topic that many queer people can automatically bond over. Phoebe’s music is considered a staple for sad gay people, mostly in part to the devastating romantic lyricism in every song she has written. The underlying romanticism and sadness in each song are the best for when you are in a not-so-great mood, but that experience becomes so universal that I feel comforted by her music, just as many other queer teenagers do and bond with each other through.

My Favorite Phoebe Bridgers Songs: I Know the End, Waiting Room, Garden Song

Home Video (album) - Wikipedia

Cover of Lucy Dacus’s “Home Video”.

Our second artist is Lucy Dacus, who is a contemporary of Phoebe Bridgers. They sometimes make music together in a band called “Boy Genius” who honestly deserves a shoutout for their songs Me & My Dog and Ketchum, ID. I first discovered Lucy’s music this past spring when I was really going through it and heard her song “Night Shift” …and then proceeded to listen to it on repeat for the next two days. At the moment, it just described the complete emotional experience I was having of uncertainty in times of turbulence in my life. The newfound knowledge that someone else had experienced those emotions on some level of similarity was the comfort I needed to get through the rough patch and move forward. While I cannot listen to the song now without minor emotional dismay, she released a new album “Home Video” in late June that proceeded to shape my next month as I went through some old friend issues that had resurfaced. Lucy more than any other artist has magically created music that helps me process my emotions at the moment and comfort me as I do it.

My Favorite Lucy Dacus Songs: Hot and Heavy, Christine, VBS

I did as a matter of fact save the best for last…our final artist of the post is Mitski, the most personally heartbreaking artist I have ever listened to. Mitski objectively has some of the most emotionally devastating music I have ever listened to because she writes about her own very personal experiences in a way that is quite explicitly and vulnerable. Mitski and I have had very different life experiences – I am a little lesbian teenager, and she is a major pop star – but through her music, she creates a shared experience that I can connect to the emotions I have felt in my own life. Even though I consider myself in a better place now than I was when I first started listening to her, the music still brings me a remarkable amount of comfort. She recently rocked my entire world on October 4 when she announced a new song would be released the next day after a two-year hiatus. I did listen to the song as soon as it came out the next day at 10 AM and then proceeded to listen to the song 30 times in the following hours. No comment. You should absolutely listen to it here.  With this song announcement came the following announcement of a 2022 tour…which I will absolutely be attending. Ultimately, Mitski has changed my life for the better; even in times of sadness and despair, she provided me with comfort and care in times I couldn’t find it.

Mitski Announces “Working for the Knife” Tour 2022 In the USA And Europe

Part of the media released with Mitski’s new song “Working for the Knife”.

My Favorite Mitski Songs (From Each Album):

  1. Be The Cowboy – Me and My Husband
  2. Puberty 2 – Once More to See you // Your Best American Girl // I Bet on Losing Dogs
  3. Bury Me At Makeout Creek – Frances Forever
  4. Retired from Sad, New Career in Business – I Want You
  5. Lush – Real Men
David Bowie - Ziggy Stardust - Amazon.com Music

Cover of the album “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust”.

 

And as the most honorable mention, it would not be a post about queer music without talking about David Bowie. Truthfully, I have not listened to the entirety of his music, which is why I did not add him as one of my favorite artists. But, his album, The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust, has been a rock for me. My best friend introduced me to it, and it is one of my favorite albums of all time. If you haven’t listened, go do it, right now.

 

Proof of the 30 times in a row I listened to “Working for the Knife”.

“5, 6, 7, 8…”

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Imagine this scene. I am sitting on the grey fluffy rug of my friends’ dorm room. I am scrolling through Instagram as I catch up with McKenna and Amber, whose room I am in. As we talk, I am still thinking about this post from Phoebe Bridgers that I saw earlier in the day. She was featured on a new song (“Silk Chiffon” by MUNA ft. Phoebe Bridgers), and the music video came out – no big deal, I was planning on listening to it later. Until I realized that the music video is entirely based on my favorite movie “But I’m a Cheerleader”, a “1999 American teen satirical (lesbian) romantic comedy”. My reaction was not contained within my body: I literally screeched and flailed as my brain went into autopilot to YouTube to watch the entire video. The three minutes of the music video were some of the best of my life. I did not stop moving around the entire time, my excitement too great for any mere mortal to bear (I may have butt scooted across their floor at one point, but we will not talk about this fact.)

Silk Chiffon' By MUNA & Phoebe Bridgers Is Our Song of the Week

A picture from MUNA’s “Silk Chiffon” music video.

When the music video was over, my friends were staring at me with disbelief, laughter, and confusion. While my main group of friends all identifies within the LGBTQ+ community, we all share different sects of what I would call “queer culture” – parts of popular media that are associated with gay people (shaped by gay people, not stereotypes) that are either by queer creators or just have gay vibes. At this moment, I was severely geeking out over my love for any queer rom-com and the fact that I listen to Phoebe Bridgers’s music religiously, especially her album Punisher. My friends, however, had essentially watched no gay rom-coms and only one of them listened to Phoebe. Despite these differences, they both understood why this music was so important to me and even watched the movie with me the next night.

When I discovered “But I’m a Cheerleader”, I was out to most of my friends and had just started my first relationship with a girl, but in my family, only my siblings knew I was gay. The movie takes place at a conversion camp called “True Directions” and is meant to cure teenagers of their queerness. While conversion therapy is severely problematic in real life, the movie makes a satire of it. For example, of the two people who run the camp, one of them is very obviously gay (but calls himself “an ex-gay”), and he acts suggestively with the other woman’s son who works at the camp the whole time. In the program’s five-step process, the main purpose is reconnecting traditional gender roles to regain heterosexuality, but these steps are incredibly silly and laughable to an audience. However, the film also contains (IMO) one of the hottest teenage lesbians to ever exist: Graham. As the rebellious queer teen heartbreaker to the main character, Megan’s, perfect blonde cheerleader-ness, their relationship blossoms beautifully despite troubles like homophobic parents.

But I'm a Cheerleader Turns Twenty: Natasha Lyonne and Clea DuVall Reminisce on Their Cult Classic | Current | The Criterion Collection

Graham (left) and Megan (right) in “But I’m a Cheerleader”

For many queer people, coming out to your parents can be world-endingly terrifying; in this decision, you try and allow yourself to stop hiding your true self only to be potentially shunned for that act by the people who raised you. However, before I was ready to do that, one thing that comforted me and allowed me to indulge in being myself was the connections I had with other people through queer culture.

As I mentioned before, the sects of queer culture people subscribe to don’t always overlap. But they don’t have to. Having those moments when you can bond with someone over media that holds such value and importance to you and who you are can be an extremely validating experience for you and your identity. Those moments of connection keep us afloat as we navigate a sea of having to find and share ourselves with people over and over again. So yes, I did share the video with every person I know who is gay or could vaguely appreciate it. Because when we share the media we love with people we love, we share our true selves.

P.S. Prepare for so much more Phoebe Bridgers’s discussion in one of my upcoming posts. Listen to this playlist if you want to experience greatness before that post is written.