Anyone with kids knows how complex it can be to discover what type of parenting style you need to adapt to help your kids thrive in today’s world. What about TWO kids? Well I have two kids, and they are both polar opposites. Making it frustrating at times to determine what is the best route to take to help mu children. Whether it be with homework, learning, potty training, etc, it can be a very complex situation to determine how the raise them. What worked for my oldest son, may not necessarily work for my daughter. So what is a woman to do? That is where the situational approach fits perfectly.
The situational approach to leadership focuses on leadership in different situations and realizes that different situations may demand different kinds of leadership (Northouse, pg. 99). The key to situational leadership is finding the balance between directive and supportive dimensions that has to balance out the commitment of your subordinates, or in this case, the kids. Using the situational leadership approach, the leader must first determine the level that the subordinate is on in development, and based on that determine what type of leadership they should provide as far as how much direction of support the subordinate may need.
Using this example, my son is much more advanced than my daughter, but still does not know it all in the world, although he may think that he does. Using this model, I would place my son at a D3 level, and often have to be more supportive and give less direction with his homework. He absorbs the information extremely quickly and his able to do most of his homework on his own. I usually just have to check in with him and make sure I’m supporting his learning process and creativity.This D#, supporting style, requires that I do not focus as much on my son’s homework, as he usually can do it on his own, but that I bring out his skills and listen, give praise, ask for input, and provide feedback (Northouse, pg. 101). I usually try to tell my son what a good job he is doing, and offer prizes, etc for such good work to continue to motivate him in school.
My daughter on the other hand, at 2 years old, is already showing that she is the social butterfly of the family. She is a lot more sneaky than my son was at her age, and tends to do what she wants without listening. She is not as sensitive and still moves forward whether or not she is cuddled or not. Because of her ways, I often adapt the Style 1 approach with her. Because of her age and her natural personality that is already showing through, she needs a lot more direction. With this style, also called the directing style, I often have to gie instruction about what and how goals need to be achieved (Northouse, pg. 101). For example, with getting her to go to the body, or clean up her toys, or follow instructions in general, I have no choice but to be more direct with her and let her know exactly what will need to be done and how. Otherwise, she will just march to the beat of her own drum.
Using the situational leadership approach, I am able to adapt my parenting style for each of my two children. If I were to simply act how I am naturally, which is probably a balance between supportive and directive, all of the time with both children, I would properly not be able to achieve as much with them. I am able to tap into their needs and determine how I need to respond to get things done!
References:
Northouse, Peter.G. (2013). Leadership: Theory and Practice. Los Angeles: Sage Publications.
I give you very much credit for the active role you take in parenting your children. I do not have any, myself, and I find the entire prospect intimidating. It is difficult enough, at times, to be a leader to peers, but being a leader to individuals with whom you have a strong emotional bond to, is another story completely.
It does, though, seem to present you with a good opportunity to test some of the theories we have been, and will be, learning. You can get first hand results by trying different methods in different situations that come up, in daily life.
An article from the American Psychological Association’s website talks about communication with your children and brings up two tips. One is, “Kids learn by imitating. Most often, they will follow your lead in how they deal with anger, solve problems and work through difficult feelings.” The other is, “Kids learn from their own choices. As long as the consequences are not dangerous, don’t feel you have to step in.”
I feel these both relate will, in regards to parents’ leadership skills. If you show your children what a good leader is, how they behave and act, then you hope they will imitate this behavior and learn from it. Also, sometimes they need to make their own choices, wrong or right, to learn. Allowing them to participate in their life decisions, and being supportive of this, encourages their independence.
Best wishes to you and your family!
Communication Tips for Parents. (2014 June 8). American Psychological Association. Retreived from http://www.apa.org/helpcenter/communication-parents.aspx
I think this is certainly the best way to explain parenting. Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound biased to any other person who would explain parenting, but for me I think the application of situational approach to parenting style is a great example. I come from a big family and many older cousins, a sister, aunts and uncles who have started their family and an occasional discussion would be parenting: how do you parent. Often, my response is similar to the situational approach, in that all children is very different and need to be parented (not really sure if this is a word), differently. Although my opinions or suggestions aren’t necessarily valid because I’m not a parent myself though I do help and have helped raise my younger brother, nieces and nephew I think my perspective is a bit subjective because I think there is a difference of being a parent or guardian as oppose to helping hand. There are some who fit, individually and a combination, into each, if not all of there categories of leadership style, so it’s interesting to visualize the leadership styles.
What’s interesting with situational approach is that as children grow through different stages of life I would assume that the style of parenting would change too. In my mind I’m assuming their opinion differ and their mindset is evolving.
I do have a question, concerning parenting, is there, if there even is one, any one comment or suggestion of parenting advice you would have to parents?
I think the way you applied the Situational Approach Theory to your life is very interesting. Even looking at your situation from a different perspective as you, as someone without children, I am able to understand your argument. Every person, brother or sister, friends or relative, is different and responds to different leadership styles, like your son and daughter.
I would compare your ideas on Situational Approach Theory to me and my brother growing up. I have an older brother and we both respond to different forms of leadership executed by our parents. My brother was a very studious, outspoken kid, yet followed what my parents told him to do growing up, whereas I was very independent and took my parents advice into consideration but ultimately made my own decisions.
For my brother the coaching style of leadership was situationally appropriate for him for the majority of the time. With high directive and high supportive leadership behavior from my parents my brother excelled through high school, college and is now a successful business man. On the other hand, when raising me, my parents realized, I was less responsive to the coaching leadership behavior and that I preferred to figure out things on my own, so they took on the role of supporting leadership styles. With high support and low directive, my parents learned that I was more motivated by my brother’s accomplishments than their direction and were able to support my decisions while allowing me to make them all on my own.