When I first was thinking about using Servant Leadership as my last blog I was going to reference my friend Janice who has been an ER nurse for 13 years. While they exhibit all of the traits of a Servant Leader (Northouse, 2016):
Listening
Empathy
Healing
Awareness
Persuasion
Conceptualization
Foresight
Stewardship
Commitment to the growth of people
Building community
I overheard my wife negotiating the 5 minute toy contract term of ownership. It goes like this:
Thing 1 – “But I want to play with it, it’s mine!”
Thing 2 – “Noooo, I want to play with!”
Mommy – “Who had it first…?” -silence- “Who had it first?”
Thing 2 – “Sissy had it”
Mommy – “Ok, then sissy you get to have it for another five minutes.”
Thing 2 – “But…ok”
So I changed my direction to all the moms of the world. They are the cleric healer, the politician, the egalitarian, the cook, the counselor and so much more.
As a mother you build your premise for “Motherdom” based upon what you liked and did not like about what your mother did for you as a child. You look back at how your own mother handled situations and you either mirror or create your own sense of self. You now use your situation, nurtured traits, and the receptive (or lack their of) nature of your children to act as their leader and guardian (Northouse, 2016).
Children are naturally going to follow you, yes, but how you guide them is the key to a horrible mom or a great mother. By putting your children first, kissing their “boo boos”, and providing and environment that makes them feel like valued humans rather than children you outcome will be children (followers) the become intelligent and high functioning members of society (Northouse, 2016).
“This process only works when leaders have a humanistic philosophy (see Abraham Maslow or Carl Rogers) and have altruistic tendencies.” (Northouse, 2016)
Abuse the power you have as mother, act selfishly and with no true regard to your children’s well being and you will raise children that have no trust in you or anyone else they meet and get close to that exhibit the same behavior you portray (Northouse, 2016). Being a servant leader is both selfless act and cannot be any other way.
References:
Northouse, Peter G. (2016). Leadership: Theory and Practice (7th Ed.). SAGE Publications: Thousand Oaks, CA. Print.
David Lincoln Joseph says
I am in complete agreement with your assessment, parent-child relationships are wonderful illustrations of Servant Leadership, at least in the case of good parenting. The relational dynamics that naturally flows from a parent and the reciprocating return of receptivity that typically occurs captivates the textbook case of what should occur when a leader engages a subordinate in ways to completely facilitate the subordinates self-actualization and the results of enabling followers with the necessary tools and the overall paving of the way for the subordinates to perform optimally. In his book, Leadership: Theory and Practice, Peter G. Northouse (2016) tells of a sort of bonding that occurs between the leader and the follower when the subordinates feels empowered by a leader. It’s as if the follower tries to return his or her fidelity to the leader in a show of appreciation by conforming to the leader’s command. According to Northouse (2016) this relationship formation does not come as a result of fear, feelings of inferiority, or an effort by the subordinate to manipulate the leader, instead the subordinate adopts a loyal conceptualization of the leader that Northouse (2016) infers emerges from a “thorough understanding of the organization [in the case of a parent-child relationship, the system of functionality – the family] – its purposes, complexities, and mission” (p. 232). This sort of symbiotic understanding positions the follower to willingly foster the ideology of the leader, as the subordinate (child in this case) aligns with the leaders philosophies out of conviction based on the integrity and understanding that the leader has the best interest of the subordinate at heart. This is not to say that this textbook case of parent-child alignment similar to leader-follower synchrony will always be the outcome of a leader/parents initiation of positive facilitating to followers/children. In fact, Northouse (2016) mentions this possibility in his discussion on follower receptivity. He says, “Some followers do not want to work with servant leaders. They equate servant leadership with micromanagement, and report that they do not want their leader to get to know them or try to help, develop, or guide them” (p. 232). This is quite similar to the often seen resistance by some children as they try to assert their independence and refute over-indulgence of affection by parents.
I am intrigue by the similarity of psychology between the two situations as in each case there is an equal example of positive and negative responses by subordinates/children where the justification of one almost always can be directly equivalent to the other. Take for example the situation of abuse of power by a mother. When the equivalent is done in an organizational setting, the abuse of power by a leader, the outcome you use as an example, which is highly likely, can be expected in leader-follower equivalent. You indicate acts like selfishness, disregard for children’s wellbeing, and the display of mistrust by a parent has a great possibility to produce similar returned show of emotions by the child. Not that the child(ren) will response in this way to the parent, possibly out of fear of the consequences of retaliation or other forms of punishment, but according to Mary C Lamia Ph.D (2015) in her article, Why Bullies Don’t Feel Bad ( Or Don’t Know They Do), in Psychology Today, the reciprocation of derogatory bad behavior by kids that is transformed to bullying typically originates from modeling of similar behavior by authority figures. In the same way, I believe, subordinates form a referencing source from the leader that the subordinates take as directions of what is the acceptable mode of conduct, the desired level of determination, and an overall cultural setting of the norms of how things should be in and organizational setting. Northouse (2016) supports this theory when he discusses how servant leadership work? In an inverse way he points to the building of trust and the presence of high level directed altruism to be the key to engaging followers to become loyal to leaders through servant leadership, so it followers the use of insults and debasement by leaders or parents will likely deliver the opposite response of dissonance and other forms of incongruity.
Northouse (2016) paints a picture of the benefits of servant leadership to be somewhat of an infectious affect that is demonstrated, not only from the returned affection and good will of subordinates that have received the same from a leader, but as an outward pervasive spreading of culture that generates these positives, firstly to the immediate group where the exchange occurs and it continues into all aspects of life of all affected. He says, “servant leadership results in community and societal change” (p. 238). I see much similarity of this notion to your description of mother-child relations when you suggested that the happiness that emerges from successful mother-child relational growth from a mother’s love enhances the relationship of the entire family.
I believe that this example that you provided of servant leadership, with mother-child relations, is the greatest as this is where most infants that grow up and feel motivated to promote similar relations beyond the family. It is the first experience of how they know its true effects directly from the nurturing they received initially.
Reference
Lamia, M. C. (2015, March 1st). Why bullies don’t feel bad (or don’t know they do): bullies are unaware of their negative self-perceptions. Psychology Today. Retrieved from: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/intense-emotions-and-strong-feelings/201503/why-bullies-dont-feel-bad-or-dont-know-they-do
Northouse, P. G. (2016). Leadership: Theory and practice (7th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Wendi Wright-Davis says
What a perfect example of a servant-leader. The servant-leader is servant first and it begins with the natural feeling of wanting to serve, to serve first just like a mother does. Then in turn and without (perhaps) conscience effort on her part, she is leading her children in a positive way.
I remember when my son wanted to play the drums. He came home from school and was so excited, I wasn’t. But I knew that I would encourage him, to build his confidence and help him to be the best that he could be, no matter how long it lasted. That’s what a mom does, show them the way.
The difference exhibits itself in the care taken by the servant-first to make sure that her children and family as a whole’s highest priority needs are being served. The best test, and difficult to administer, is do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants by following in their mothers footsteps.
A servant-leader mother focuses primarily on the growth and well-being of her children. The servant-leader shares power, puts the needs of others first and helps people develop and perform as highly as possible.
And she is called, “Mother.”
bya5087 says
As a mother I can definitely appreciate your posting! Though my daughters are older now, I very much remember the days of no one wanting to share!
Parents do play many roles for raising children, and do have to make decisions on the style of leadership they chose to use. In many cases the Servant Leadership style would apply just as you mentioned. I would also say that Path-Goal Theory could apply in that I would not necessarily use the same reward/punishment/negotiation for all of my children. With Path-Goal Theory the leadership style will vary depending on the behavior that best fits the individual and the environment.