Conversations in corporate America regarding leadership and effective management often focus on decision making, strategic process planning, training, inspiring, and similar topics; yet, in my opinion, a critical component is too frequently omitted from the discussion: venting. Whether one names its gossip, side chatter, oversharing, or venting, as I have politely termed it, we cannot deny that a seemingly trivial tendency towards loose lips is sinking too many leaders’ proverbial ships. I posit that that gossiping, which may be an innate tendency or trait for some and a learned behavior for others, can be (and should!) be unlearned or managed for more effective leadership outcomes.
An organization’s workforce is influenced to achieve common goals by an individual (Northouse, p. 6) or a group of individuals in positions of leadership. Their ability to influence is aided by learned competencies, for example, conceptual, technical, and human skills, which comprise those in the three-skills approach (Northouse, p. 44). I believe, both from my own experience as a managed employee and from my twenty-five years of managerial experience, that employees need to respect the person to whom they report. Undoubtedly strategic vision (conceptual), functionary expertise (technical), and empathy (human) are critical and worthy of academic review. However, just as employees need to be able to perform job functions and regulate their emotions on the job (one is not necessarily more important than the other), so too do leaders need a diverse and equally important set of abilities to effectively influence the team in their charge.
The work day can be frustrating and, at times, we all feel the impulse to share our hardships and successes with our fellow colleagues. As a young manager in the fast food industry years ago, my team’s struggles were almost entirely with customers; this dichotomy – customers vs. employees- allowed for bonding experiences between staff as they vented about the irritating customers they encountered throughout the day. Today, I am a director in a very well-known corporate entity and I oversee teams of entry-level folks – those who interface directly with customers- still build comradery by venting to others in similar positions who understand the day-to-day struggles. However, due to the size of the firm, hundreds of mid and upper level employees and managers are siloed in their responsibilities. To whom can these managers vent (or gossip)? Often their ‘customers’ or stakeholders are often fellow employees in different departments or even on their own teams. Venting frustrations, then, entails sharing details of your interactions with fellow colleagues.
The trait approach considers “the specific traits that clearly differentiated leaders from followers” (Northouse, p. 19) and how those traits may make a person “a leader in one situation [but] not …in another..” (Northouse, p. 19). This theory resonated with me as I considered the often-overlooked gossip tendency I have noticed among corporate leaders and middle-managers. Northouse (p.22) identifies a long list of traits as posited by researchers over the years including Stogdill (1948), Mann (1959), Stogdill (1974) again, Lord, DeVader, and Alliger (1986), Kirkpatrick and Locke (1991), and Zacccaro, Kemp, and Bader(2004); readers are prompted to consider intelligence, self-confidence, sociability, tolerance, integrity, drive, openness, problem solving and many more. Yet, the traits that contribute to gossip such as self-control, emotional regulation, verbal restraint are not on the lengthy list. Perhaps Wynn (2018) will be in Northouse’s eight edition of this book which will include my theory that leaders are self-sabotaging by venting about their employees and company policies and eroding employee’s respect for them.
The behavioral theory of leadership advances my supposition as it ensures that those who do not possess the innate trait of verbal self-restraint can still seek to practice it as a behavior in the leadership world. Focusing “exclusively on what leaders do and how they act” (Northouse, p. 71) those who are not necessarily naturally inclined to avoid gossip can strive to inject a measure of self-control into the way they behave.
In my previous role, my direct supervisor – I was a Associate Director, she was the Executive Director- had very few peers at her level, a reality that resulted in her urge to overshare and vent to me, her subordinate. The stories I heard were about very senior staff, down-line employees, and even some of my own peers. Rather than bonding us together, as in my fast food example earlier, it eroded my respect for her and left me questioning how many of my own mistakes are being communicated across the organization. Unfortunately, this is far from an atypical occurrence in upper-level management. Despite leaders advanced education, strategic vision, connections, advanced presentation skills, a seemingly minor infraction – sharing the details of your day- can greatly impact your ability to manage and lead.
Leaders must possess the trait of verbal restraint and behave with self-control. We must think critically about how the information shared and language used in the presence of other staff members – especially those whom we manage- may subsequently influence or sabotage our influence. Leaders are paid to inspire and influence, not gripe about their colleagues. If we, organizational leaders, are not born great, we can learn to be great and that begins by respecting the privacy of those who we manage. Leaders who are unhappy at work should arrange to meet a friend for coffee and vent or to speak to a therapist.
-Cynthia Wynn
Reference:
Northouse, P. (2016). Leadership: Theory and Practice. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publication.
dpm5527 says
Cynthia,
Great post! A topic that applies to almost every faucet of society not only in our organizations. Gossip or needless venting by a leader only continues to waste important time and as you stated breaks down the trust between the leader and their followers. Gossip is normally is a valued source of information for individuals that do not trust the formal channels of communication in an organization, and serve as a emotional release of anger or frustration.
So how do we as leaders turn away from gossiping ourselves?
Stop enabling it. Easier said than done if you are using gossip as your channel for your own frustration, but the reward is greater than the risk here. As a leader it takes twice as long to repair a relationship and trust with your followers once you break it.
The best piece of advice you have already given is to find an outside source if you need to vent. Best to keep to business and keep your private life private.
Morgan Emig says
Cynthia,
From the title of your blog post to the body of what you have explained, I believe you hit the nail on the head talking about a topic that not many truly want to talk about. It’s amazing how venting and gossip can create such a tense environment between leaders and followers.
In my experience, I have personally seen employees get let go from positions due to them being considered too “dramatic” or always gossiping about others.Another problem is the fact that some people want to air out their dirty laundry at work. I have always been told that when you walk into the doors of your company, leave your baggage at those doors. Unfortunately, in today’s world, social media and technology has been on the rise, which has prompted people to feel the need to air out their dirty laundry and provide opinions on situations that others did not ask for. Another problem with social media too is that it is so easy for employees to bash the company they work for on social media without thinking about the repercussions. That is why I believe that in a leader role, you should stay up to date on follower’s social media. Who wants a follower if they bash you to all of their friends online?
I thoroughly enjoyed reading your topic. It is not something most people enjoy touching on.
sma6026 says
This is a very thorough and well thought out entry. From both outside and deontological perspectives, it is clear that prior experiences have impacted you in an end all positive way. Deontological perspectives address the ethical and moral obligations of leaders (Northouse, 2018, p. 335), to include the necessary verbal restraint and self-control, or lack thereof, which you discuss. More specifically, behaviors and actions can be morally justifiable only if they do not infringe on the moral rights of the affected superior, peer, co-worker, or subordinate involved. To an extent, naturally occurring social defenses, as discussed by Northouse (2016), are manageable through existing structures and processes but can only be successful if adopted and implemented into company culture in an effective way. Though being on the receiving end can be overwhelming and difficult to overcome at the time of the incident, in hindsight, the consequences and takeaway are lessons learned that will continue assisting you in your ability to perform as well as lead by example in your career.
Not only is this a great topic choice on the basis of originality, but also due to the fact that it is an abundantly common behavioral issue that is generally acceptable, if not simply unacknowledged, in a number of companies and organizations. Research shows that “individuals devote approximately 65% of their time to discussing social topics” (Dunbar, 2004). There are a number of theories in regard to workplace gossip, but less than significant research has been conducted to help us to understand the psychodynamic effects and hindrances it places on organizational operations (Wu, et. al., 2018). Generally, leadership certification training provided by companies and organizations fail to establish substantial and appropriate effects and consequences for these misbehaviors; I, myself, can attest to this.
Lastly, I’d like to point out an important factor that detrimentally risks the success for your solution of: “leaders who are unhappy at work should arrange to meet a friend for coffee and vent or to speak to a therapist” (Wynn, 2018). Something I have witnessed all too commonly and ultimately how I learned of the significant and negative effects that workplace gossip creates is inappropriate leader-follow relationships. While, again, there are often times policies and procedures in place to correct if not entirely avoid these types of situations, they are disregarded and unenforced the majority of the time. Going back to your solution to self-sabotage, internal organizational promotions often entail peer-to-peer relationships becoming leader-follower relationships at some point in everyone’s career. Therefore, while a therapist may still be an option, it is my opinion that often times these inappropriate situations stem from the inability or unwillingness of companies to acquire adequate and previously unaffiliated talent which would result in and lower the risk of folie à deux; shared madness (Northouse, 2016).
References
Dunbar, R. I. M. 2004. Gossip in evolutionary perspective. Review of General Psychology. Retrieved from https://s3.amazonaws.com/academia.edu.documents/33042824/R._I._M._Dunbar-Gossip_in_evolutionary_perspectives.pdf?AWSAccessKeyId=AKIAIWOWYYGZ2Y53UL3A&Expires=1536575142&Signature=c0X1%2BMQW9xqvtO2sB6alIy1uvwc%3D&response-content-disposition=inline%3B%20filename%3DGossip_in_Evolutionary_Perspective.pdf
Northouse, P.G. (2018). Leadership ethics. Leadership: Theory and practice (8th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Northouse, P.G. (2016). Psychodynamic approach. Leadership: Theory and practice (7th ed.). Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publications.
Wu, L. Z., Birtch, T. A., Chiang, F. F., & Zhang, H. (2018). Perceptions of negative workplace gossip: A self-consistency theory framework. Journal of Management. Retrieved from http://journals.sagepub.com.ezaccess.libraries.psu.edu/doi/10.1177/0149206316632057
Wynn, C. (2018). Loose lips sink leader’s ships. [web log post]. Retrieved from http://sites.psu.edu/leadership/2018/09/03/loose-lips-sink-leaders-ships/
npg5193 says
I could not agree with your post more.
I have seen firsthand the damage gossip and venting can do to staff and an entire organization. I work with a manager that constantly vents about everyone and everything. She openly makes negative comments about other departments, her staff and undermines the policies of the organization in general. She has absolutely no filter. The negativity is exhausting for everyone around her. I transferred to another department just to get away from her. She has lost the respect of everyone around her – subordinates, colleagues and external clients. Her behavior is an ongoing issue that senior leadership is constantly trying to “manage” with corrective action plans and leadership classes. Her negative attitude has created a toxic environment that has impacted our entire organization. The department she currently manages has dwindled from a staff of ten to a staff of three due to her venting and negativity. The loss of staff has impacted all departments. She is an extreme example of how a negative attitude and negative words can spread discord through an entire organization like a cancer.
I definitely see validity in analyzing human behavior in relationship to leadership as outlined in the Psychodynamic Approach in our text book (Northouse, 2016). Some people are caught up in their own psychological struggles and may not realize what impact it has on their behavior/actions, leader or follower. All employees should be mindful of their words and actions, not just management. The old adage – negativity breeds negativity is true.
Northouse, P.G. (2016). Leadership: Theory and Practice (Seventh Edition) Thousand Oaks, CA: SAGE.
Rebecca Guest says
I wholeheartedly agree with you opinion of over sharing. It’s something that I have made a continuous effort to control over the last few years. What is surprising is how common it is to see leadership engage in counter productive venting about leadership of other organizations. I’ve seen the damaging results of this, and the impact it can have in joint missions. Like you, senior leaders often vent to me about other leaders, and it has changed my perception of them. This is especially so since I have to work directly with the leaders she is talking about, that they often end up having good intentions and speak highly of leaders.
I believe that this concept of having self control and respect for other leaders correlates with the characteristics within the key personality traits of leadership, integrity. Gossip and venting in a derogatory manner is inconsistent with upholding the values of integrity, being honesty and trustworthiness. (Northouse, 2016) I would assess he type of venting you are referring to, to be unethical. It questions the character, values, and ethical leadership, all of which are encompassed within the trait of integrity. (Northouse, 2016)
I appreciate that you offered some possible avenues to mitigate the problem, by meeting externally with a friend or therapist. I’d be curious to explore options that people could use during the work day. Perhaps an education training that offers staff stress management methods, such as taking hourly walking breaks to get them away from there desk and allows the opportunity to reset. For those that are less than self-aware, they might need to be informed that their behavior is damaging to the group. Once this has been addressed, they should be held accountable for their actions moving forward.
Having been in the navy, I have to mention that I loved your title. It’s a phrase that I hear often and I enjoyed the play on words as well as application of the theme.
Matthew G Solovey says
A more complete comment. I can’t delete my first. I apologize.
You make many excellent points in this post.
I’ve always had the policy that my direct reports could vent to me at any time as a way to diffuse frustration. My rule has been that I prefer they vent to me to get their emotions in check so that they don’t say or do something inappropriate in their dealing with colleagues. I also encourage the employee to talk directly with their coworker when there is a conflict so that it can be dealt with in a healthy way.
I like what you said about self-regulation and verbal restraint being important. I think they can tie into the trait of integrity. Northouse (2016) defines integrity as honesty and trustworthiness. I believe gossiping plays into trustworthiness. How can I trust a leader who is gossiping about another employee to not gossip about me? The leader’s integrity is severely jeopardized if he or she doesn’t learn verbal restraint. I wonder if verbal restraint, as an example, would be more a skill learned than a trait someone has? By showing verbal restraint, the leader is showing he or she is worthy of trust and that he or she has integrity (Northouse, 2016).
In terms of my boss venting to me, I’ve had a mixed bag of experience. For my one boss, it was like you mention: what is being said about me around the company? My boss said some rather rude things about colleagues and it was uncomfortable. I definitely lost respect for him. Another boss rarely said something about a peer, but would talk with me about frustrations in process or policy. This wasn’t a surprise – I dealt with it too. It was a bonding experience because we were a small department and it was like an “us against the world” scenario. I didn’t lose respect and still trusted my boss to do what was best. I didn’t lose respect for the company either. I understood why the processes and policies were there and why they made sense, even if they were frustrating for us personally.
One thing you didn’t touch on that I think might be a contributor: social media. Do you think social media – where people air every silly detail about their lives – has conditioned people to overshare, even in a leadership position where they should show restraint? I did a search on Google Scholar but am not seeing any apparent research on this subject. It would be interesting to explore.
Your post was well thought out and written. I enjoyed it.
Reference:
Northouse, P. (2016). Leadership: Theory and Practice. Thousand Oaks, CA: Sage Publication.
Matthew G Solovey says
You make many excellent points in this post.
I’ve always had the policy that my direct reports could vent to me at any time as a way to diffuse frustration. My rule has been that I prefer they vent to me to get their emotions in check so that they don’t say or do something inappropriate in their dealing with colleagues. I also encourage the employee to talk directly with their coworker when there is a conflict so that it can be dealt with in a healthy way.
In terms of my boss venting to me, I’ve had a mixed bag of experience. For my one boss, it was like you mention: what is being said about me around the company? My boss would say some rather rude things about colleagues and it was uncomfortable. I definitely lost respect for him. For another boss, he rarely said something about a peer, but would talk with me about frustrations in process or policy. This wasn’t a surprise – I dealt with it too. It was a bonding experience because we were a small department and it was like an “us against the world” scenario. I didn’t lose respect and still trusted my boss to do what was best. I didn’t lose respect for the company either. I understood why the processes and policies were there and why they made sense, even if they were frustrating.
One thing you didn’t touch on that I think might be a contributor: social media. Do you think social media – where people air every silly detail about their lives – has conditioned people to overshare, even in a leadership position where they should show restraint?
Your post was well thought out and written. I enjoyed it.